It’s easy to be judgmental about the sorts of accessories people put on their cars. It’s fun, too! No, no, I need to be better than that. Whatever people want to put on or in their cars is fine by me, if it makes them appreciate and enjoy their cars more. Well, maybe with one exception: fake sunroofs. Yes, that’s an actual thing that exists in our world and can be purchased with money. A fake sunroof is also exactly what you think it is: something that looks like a sunroof, but isn’t. In fact, it’s just a sticker. Really, the more you think about it, the more ridiculous it is, which is why I think we need to address this.
Normally, I’d say that I bet you’ve seen these out in the world, but the truth is I can’t necessarily guarantee that, because for as insipid as they are, fake sunroofs do actually manage to do their job well: they generally look a lot like real sunroofs. So, maybe you’ve seen them in the wild, maybe you haven’t? Unless you’re quite close to the car and really looking, it’s pretty hard to tell what is a fake sunroof, because actual sunroofs tend to just look like black, glossy rectangles as it is.
Here, look, I have a real and fake sunroof side-by-side:
I mean, credit where credit is due, the fake sunroof is pretty convincing. You see a car drive by with a fake sunroof, and I’m sure any of us would be thinking, “Oh, hey, that Maxima has a sunroof. I best record this in my notebook of cars I encounter with some sort of opening or light-admitting roofs, which I then intend to turn into a screenplay that will become a major motion picture. I sure am pleased I encountered a car with a real, factory-installed sunroof today.”
There are a shocking number of fake sunroofs for sale online, if you ever decide to look.
Some of these even go above and beyond the simple flat sticker method, and emulate a sunroof in one of the tilt-open positions:
I always thought that was the most awkward-looking position for a real sunroof, so I’m a bit surprised to see that there are options to emulate that. Here’s another one of those, in video form:
I have so much trouble understanding the motivations behind these. I get that fundamentally, it’s about status: the car’s owner wants to convey that they’re successful and have high status, and I suppose having a car with an option like a sunroof helps to convey that? In that sense, it’s sort of like those fake car phone antennae you’d see in the 1980s and 1990s. Remember these things:
The problem with both the fake sunroof and fake cell antenna is that they’re only really effective at a certain social distance; they can’t bear up to the scrutiny of actually entering the car, where the fraud will be revealed by the absence of a car phone or the solidity and unbrokenness of that car’s headliner, free from any apertures or glass or sunroof of any kinds. Also, likely free from leaks, which is one up on sunroofs, so there’s that.
But this is an inherently sad sort of thing! Look at the copy in that fake cell phone antenna ad. It’s brutal in its honesty, and the rawness makes me feel uncomfortable: “They’ll be impressed, but only YOU will know the truth.” What is the truth they mean by that? Is it the truth that you’re too much of a broke loser to really afford a car phone? That’s a lot of truth to be reminded of while driving. And the way it says “…the swivel base help[s] perpetuate the deception,” just lays so bare what’s going on: the buyer of this ten-dollar monument to insecurity bought it to deceive.
The fake sunroof is no different. Its intent is also to deceive, and if, somehow, a person was so taken by the idea that you had a sunroof in your car that they demanded a ride with you, think of the painful conversation you’d have to have as you explained to this poor, disappointed person that, no, the sunroof was just a ruse, the inside of this car is as dark and cramped as a cave, with no option to side open a panel of glass above and feel the night air, or lean back and gaze at the stars and moon, marveling at the infinite, and maybe cranking that sunroof all the way open and standing on the seat and waving your arms around like a bride-to-be in the back of a limo going down the Vegas strip; these are not possible to achieve, because despite the sleek, glistening black slab on the roof, that roof remains as solid and intact as a prison wall.
I mean, in an ideal world, a fake sunroof would operate more like this:
Alas, this level of Acme technology is lost, and remains unknown to modern industry, so fake sunroofs can not provide anything but an illusion.
The face sunroof is somewhat similar to the old trend of the “carriage roof,” a variant of the vinyl roof but one designed to more closely resemble a convertible top:
This is another example of someone choosing to have their car appear to possess a capability it actually lacks; in this case, an opening roof. It’s not that different than fake exhaust tips or fake hood scoops that feed nothing. In the case of fake hood scoops or exhaust tips, though, the illusion is a bit more specific and focused; those are meant to suggest performance levels that the car likely isn’t capable of, but at least it can seem like it is. With a carriage roof or a fake sunroof, though, what exactly is the message being sent? I could enjoy more light and air, should I choose?
I suppose the carriage roof gives a car a very different overall look, and that’s part of the appeal. But a fake sunroof? It’s a black rectangle on your roof. It’s hardly visually compelling, and I just don’t think it telegraphs all that much status, really. So, are people actually buying these? There are so many out there for sale, I have to assume they are, but I absolutely am befuddled by the appeal. This hardly seems worth the effort, because who, exactly is being impressed by a normal sunroof? Do people see these on a car and go, oooh, a sunroof! You know, like what you could get on a Hyundai Elantra!
Maybe you could cover peeling paint or rust or a dent with one? Or some unwanted graffiti? That’s all I got.
I don’t want to be the one to kink-shame or be the yucker of anyone’s yum, but fake sunroofs, man, that I really just can not abide. This has to be the most inane automotive accessory ever.
Maybe I’m wrong! Are there those of you out there willing to defend the fake sunroof? If so, please, please explain in the comments here, because I’m dying to hear this argument.
Loved the RR/WEC clip! As the Road Runner flees, it sounds like a turbine engine spooling up and I thought I could even hear the (presumed helicopter’s) main rotor blades starting to rotate. Researching that is probably going to send me down yet another internet rabbit hole. Where I’ll probably run into Bugs Bunny.
When I was a little kid, I often wondered why the things I would drop would not make terrific whistling noises on the way down.
And I’m sure I annoyed the heck out of my parents with the turbine-sound effects I would make when running down the hall or riding my tricycle down the sidewalk.
It wasn’t my fault – after all, I learned at a young age (after my aunt made me a bright red sweater with my monogram) that my initials are what the Road Runner always said.
It was fate.
I’ve always wanted to meet someone named Beep Beep
Take the left turn at Albuquerque.
Albecoikey.
Are these the worst automotive accessory I can think of? Hell no.
Do I like them or think they should exist? Also no.
I admit I’ve never had a vehicle with a sunroof to begin with, but based on the concept of leaks, the only ones I’d even want to consider would be fixed glass ones, or something. No actual opening pieces, because that requires moving parts.
Ever since my ’71 Peugeot 504 nearly every car I’ve owned has had a sun or moon roof. None of them leaked. The Peugeot’s was technically a sun roof as it was a sliding metal panel with gaps between it and the surrounding sheet metal. There were little channels that would catch the water that got through the gaps and then drain down through the A and B (or maybe C) pillars and underneath the car. It was recommended to periodically snake a thin, relatively stiff, wire down the drains to prevent backups which could damage the interior.
The 71 504 is so nice. Easily one of the nicest riding cars I’ve been in
From what I’ve read, they were quite popular in Africa (even after many countries/colonies if not all there were no longer French). Long travel suspension and generally very robust engineering was a good thing. The drive shaft was encased in a torque tube which meant you could drive through the tall grasses of the savannah without it getting wrapped up with weeds.
The one I bought used gave me 90,000+ miles with nothing I couldn’t fix myself back then.
I rented a diesel 305 in France 20 years ago or so, and while it was pleasant to drive, I don’t think it (or any modern Peugeot) would handle the roads of Africa (or Detroit) nearly as well.
I think all factory installed sunroofs are like that. Volvo and Mercedes are like that. Idiots would try to fix the “leaks” by trying to seal the sunroof and make it catastrophically worse. Mold and rust etc.
I think you’re right. I did a little searching and there were references to drain tubes for many brands of cars. And it looks like weed-eater string and cautious use of compressed air are the preferred tools for keeping them draining.
My Brooklyn mechanic would once a year blow out the tubes with compressed air, then soapy water, then compressed air again. That was preventative, and took a minute or two, On cars that seemed to have a clogged drain tube he would stick a 1/16″ ID x 1/8″ OD plastic tube hooked to tha compressor down the drain tube.
Wet leaves and dirty snow left on the roof were the alleged culprits.
Something that lots of people don’t realize is that many cars have similar drain holes at the lower corners of the trunk lid with little rubber hoses. The hoses get pulled off and people wonder why their trunks keep getting full of water.
I did have an old Polo with a silicon-sealed sunroof. I’m pretty sure it was an after-market one though, and I was never brave enough to try removing the sealant to see if it opened.
Ironically it did leak, which might have been the reason for the sealant, but the culprit was the driver’s door, although I only realised that was what caused the pool of water behind the driver’s seat when the window winder seized up.
Pumpkin-colored people who achieved their “tans” via Coppertone QT lotion back in the day would love a fake sunroof.
Great, now I have that jingle stuck in my head “you can tan any time, rain or shine, when you use QT” , and it always seemed to come out roughly the color of a glazed carrot
Sorry, I wasn’t thinking.
Well, guaranteed not to leak or rattle. Put one on your hood and make people think you have an exotic engine worthy of peeking at.
What about all the fake windows on recent cars? The other fakery is of little more consequence than wheel covers.
You may think you are not in a car’s blind spot but for some reason the designer decided that a fake window was appropriate. At least the fake grills and sunroofs are merely hideously ugly and reflect the poor taste and perhaps the character of the buyer.
I can’t ever have an ND Miata coupe because of the fake windows.
It’s also the other reason I can’t have a Maserati MC20.
Continuity for filming cars? Maybe not every vehicle on set has a sunroof?
That’s the only use case I can really think of
You are thinking of the fake ejection seat panels.
Buy a bunch of fake sunroofs and make a racing stripe over the top of the car.
I think you are missing an excellent use case: fake sunroof where no real one would exist. Hood, trunk, side panel, etc.
Why stop at cars? Refrigerators, washing machines, post boxes –
Post Malones…
I feel like Torch might have fun photoshopping this fantasy.
Think again!
How to you turn text into a link like that? I know how to do it on reddit, is it the same way here?
Think so – highlight the text, click the “link” button or press Ctrl+K (or Cmd+K if your OS does not take 30 minutes to search a file), insert the link and tada.
Great username btw.
“That CAN’T be my car in your grainy traffic cam footage! You see, THAT car has a sunroof and a fancy antenna, while mine lacks any such luxury options!”
Honestly, this may be it.
Is there somewhere I can get a fake glass engine cover sticker with an exotic V8/V10/V12 engine underneath? I could stick it on the hood of the Bolt, and even add some fake exhaust tips to the front of the car, and pretend it’s a mid-rear engine supercar driven backwards….
I don’t know about that, but if you’re looking for an 8 or 10 cylinder glass engine, isn’t Mercedes always trying to offload a Touareg or Phaeton?
COTD contender right here ladies & gentlemen.
Fake exhaust tips are becoming a thing even from OEMs. Mercedes and Audi do it (or did) there’s probably others too.
Not gonna lie, I downloaded a “cranking engine” light show for my Tesla. Also, quite a few people still haven’t twigged that hood up /= trouble. Nope, just getting stuff out.
“Maybe I’m wrong! Are there those of you out there willing to defend the fake sunroof? If so, please, please explain in the comments here, because I’m dying to hear this argument.”
As I mentioned earlier I had a friend in HS who was the epitome of fake it till you make it. In the late 80’s put one of those phony phones in his car, antenna and all. He would pull up to a light next to a pretty girl and pretend to talk on it, look over and strike up a conversation. It worked. Later he told everyone he was going to a prestigious and expensive private university when in reality he was going to a mid tier state school. At parties he would – and I’m serious – don a pair of fake prescription eyeglasses to appear smarter. All that worked too! On beautiful, grown ass women! I asked a couple, WTF?! They knew it was stupid and they loved it. In retrospect I think it was his confidence and the effort he went through to impress them. He went to dental school and told everyone he graduated as an oral surgeon. No said his classmates, he was a regular ass dentist. His met his drop dead gorgeous wife by paying a local rag to print a glowing biography he himself wrote. She read it and thought I gotta get next to that! That worked too.
Now he’s married to that gorgeous wife, has two kids, two dental practices, a giant gorgeous house on a hill and a Lamborghini. He faked it and he made it.
THAT is why fake sunroof. Sometimes fake shit is good enough.
He was an ass dentist? Wow – he really COULD fake it!
Well he was pretty good at bullshit…
“Doctor! My ass is a pain in the teeth!”
Hey – Donkeys need dental care too.
This whole concept reminds me of an old Patton Oswalt bit where he was joking about fast food testing in the midwest and the punchline involved “making sure Chloe Sevigney doesn’t grow ass teeth…”
That didn’t really have a point aside from it was in my head and now it’s in yours…
I had a buddy in high school who was smart, charismatic, a natural athlete, and just a good dude to be around. And he loved buying fake shit, because he thought it was hilarious. He’d show up and just be like “Look at my faux-leys! They’re terrible!” And we’d all laugh, except one guy who bought actual Oakleys and really wanted us to like them.
I think my buddy and your friend are kinda the same: they were authentic to themselves and that naturally brought people to them. It also helped that my friend was good looking, loyal, gracious, humble, and kind.
“my friend was good looking, loyal, gracious, humble, and kind.”
That’s certainly how my friend saw himself regardless of how others saw him.
My friend was over compensating for an inferiority complex brought on by a financially tight upbringing in an affluent area and being pudgy as a kid.
He would go around our circle of friends and try to get each of us to tell him he had the equal of everyone’s best characteristic (strong as X, smart as Y, good looking as Z, athletic as A, etc). He was in HS and later reasonably strong, smart, good looking and athletic but he had to be THE BEST of everyone at everything always! His favorite pick up line? Don’t you know who I am? That worked too.
Think Eric Cartman from South Park. That’s who he reminds me of.
Can your friend write a book/memoir so it could be made into a movie and we can get Leo to play your friend? Haha
Oh trust me, I have FAR more *interesting* friends.
Fuck this guy
Yeah, he’s a lot.
I really don’t understand why anyone does anything for the sole purpose of impressing other people.
When someone is impressed by you it feels nice. I really hope you just experience it so frequently you’ve forgotten how nice it feels.
For example: I’d be happy if anyone at all likes this post.
I imagine most of the satisfaction is undermined if you’ve faked the thing they’re impressed by, but some people enjoy a successful deception too.
When someone is impressed by who I am, sure, that feels nice. But I am not who I am for the sole purpose of impressing people.
Not everyone is as secure as you. Those people will do things just because other people might be impressed.
Apparently it can get you places, if you know how to bullshit confidently enough.
I hate it but alas, there are many successful conmen out there.
So you gotta car.
That don’t impress me much.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqFLXayD6e8
Well, this isn’t too bad. Back in the day, I had several cars with a “fake sunroof”- as in, there was a hole in the roof, but I did not possess a piece of glass to fit inside of it.
Too bad these weren’t available back then.
Also, are there fake T-tops?
I was on team “whaAaaat?”. But damn, I’d buy fake T-tops.
Unfortunately it would clash the real sunroof
O. M. G. Can you imagine how wound up the club would get if you put a fake targa wrap on the roof of an air cooled 911? I’m adding that to my list of dumb things to do if I win a big lottery.
I had a car with a fake sun floor… About the size of an index card. No one was impressed.
Gotta love that midnight sun. Planet keeps getting in the way, though.
GOLD
AMC Javelins had vinyl on the the roofs that looked like t-tops.
I was totally going to make a comparison to fake car phone antennas back in the day but you beat me to it. Admittedly these fake sunroofs are even less noticeable though since a large percentage of cars didn’t come with car phones back then, whereas a large percentage of cars do come with sunroofs today.
I distinctly remember 9 year old me being really sad to discover that the fake car phone antenna my dad had installed on his 1985 Buick Park Avenue fell off somewhere between San Diego and Yuma. Why my brain has decided that this memory is permanently etched into my brain instead of more important things, I’ll never know.
The sticker, yes, is stupid. Lots of stupid.
I will chime in just to say that I love sunroofs. Anything that adds more glass, brings in more light into today’s dark as hell interiors, and adds to the experience of rolling down all the windows, I’m all for. Owning a convertible around here is a bit overkill since the weather often sucks. But when the weather doesn’t suck, a decent* sunroof is a treat.
*VW sunroofs omitted from discussion
For this exact reason, I would welcome the return of t-tops.
Seconded! More T-tops and Targas!
Come live in the desert where you will never open the thing because the beating sun will kill you in your car despite AC on full. My last two new cars had sunroofs. Neither of my current new vehicles do. The only time I miss them is the days when I’m driving in the mountains or up the coast. But those aren’t frequent enough to justify the added cost for something I nearly universally keep the sunscreen closed on.
Likely they live somewhere its doesn’t rain constantly as well. (another band of Debby coming in now)
The northeast, so plenty of rain. And snow (theoretically). That’s one of the benefits of the sunroof really, they close quickly.
Currently neither of the family cars have a sunroof which I find to be a bummer.
I like them as well, although clogged drains will diminish my affection a bit. And this reminds me of the last generation of the Lincoln MKZ with the fully-openable panoramic sunroof. I need to see if there were any issues with those and how much a low-mileage senior-driven version would be.
I see by your name that you are a Tim and Eric fan. I hope Eric sorted out his banking problems. “Your wife’s new legal name is TAARGUS TAARGUS. We are sending a copy of Pizza Boy to her address.”
I salute you.
My first decent car was a 93 Caprice Classic with a “carriage” roof. I loved that car, the silly old boat, but I never did understand why the previous owner had that added. I guess I’m the idiot, in the end. I bought the thing.
Jason’s rant calls to mind a more gray-area product that’s perhaps worthy of some discussion…what about the spoiler vogue of the ’00s?
Every non-SUV could seemingly be had with one from the factory – tiny to quite large – and the aftermarket would make up for ones that didn’t – usually extra large.
Certainly at least theoretically they provided a functional benefit, but for most, was any additional ground force created accomplished mostly by its weight?
Sometimes the styling alone is worth the additional drag. It doesn’t have to actually do anything.
In fact I know of at least one OEM spoiler that was specifically tuned to make no difference at all to the car’s aero so they wouldn’t have to balance it out by adding something to the front.
I’m a sucker for a ducktail spoiler though. Ducktail everything.
Even ducks?
Can I put a fake sunroof on my MX5 Miata soft top?
No, leave the top down and install the fake sunroof directly on your head.
Apply directly to the forehead.
Sorry, they only work with the hard top with a carriage roof
You can stick it on with duct tape!
As a result of sharing this article I’m fairly certain there’s about to be a spec miata race car with a “sunroof” and also another miata with a “sunroof” in its canvas top. I think this product is so cheesy it comes back around to awesome
You can have a real one in it!
Some of these listings even show the fake sunroof stuck to a glass roof, which really ups the weird factor.
Then it just becomes an unroof.
Okay, fake sunroof up top, and a headliner mounted monitor inside! You could put a camera outside and play a live feed on it, and you essentially have a sunroof/moonroof that never leaks!
That’s all I got.
Sounds like something Lone Skum will introduce in his cars- no glass, just cameras and monitors!
Took me a minute, but I love the “misspelling”!
Just hating and throwing strays on a Monday. Brutal, lol.
Live feed? Just a big photo of a clear blue sky. If you’re faking a view fake the best view.
The funny part is that only 20% of people with real sunroofs actually use them.
If that. For more than a decade, my father had an Explorer with one and he never opened it. Sigh.
If I ended up with a car that had one, I wouldn’t use it. So far I’ve avoided it, but it’s getting harder to avoid. Especially with the full glass roof nonsense that seems to be the trend.
I’m the 80%.
At least I try to open the shade and let some light in. Missus ALWAYS closes the shade as soon as she gets into the car.
Is there a reason they are all electric? Because for something that fails so often, I would prefer having a manual crank style sunroof.
Those were a thing in the 80s, but even then, rare. I think it’s because the crank hung down quite a bit and looked odd. My mom’s 88 626 had a powered sunroof.
Because everything has to be electric now, for some indeterminate reason- sunroofs, convertible tops, door handles. I think you’re supposed to trade in before any of it ages enough to start getting problematic. If you keep it long enough for the motors to start failing, you did it wrong
I’m paranoid of it breaking, like it has in 2 older cars I had.
My kid just bought a 20 year-old car with a sunroof. I advised them to JUST LEAVE THE DAMN THING CLOSED.
Y’know, ‘cuz if it breaks I’m the one who would have to fix it.
You done told ‘em: if they break it, use silicone & duct tape so they listen next time 🙂
The most useless feature on my car. Maybe it’s because I’m short and have the seat farther forward than most people, but I can’t even tell when the screen is open, I don’t notice the extra light behind me. And it’s too hot to have it open for 4-5 months of the year. And it’s annoyingly loud if I open the glass.
I specifically avoid ordering cars with sunroofs. I don’t like them at all.
“ In the case of fake hood scoops or exhaust tips, though, the illusion is a bit more specific and focused; those are meant to suggest performance levels that the car likely isn’t capable of, but at least it can seem like it is.”
These days a 3 cylinder C4 has (real) dual exhausts, so that doesn’t mean anything anymore I guess…
Add to this “angry face” jeep kits.. FFS totally killing the classic look, and shouting I’m an ‘merican with a small dick lol
But those are the ones with all the ducks.
I had someone actually try to flex their ducks on me once. I don’t think their 75k Rubicon had ever even been parked on the dirt. Meanwhile I haven’t washed the last 3 wheeling trips off my XJ yet because the paint is so bad anyway.
I’ve had the thought to make a full line of quick swap Jeep emotion grills. There is already angry jeep, but you could have sad Jeep, tired Jeep, happy Jeep. Change them depending on the owners mood.
What face does “Death Wobble” rusting aluminum Jeep make?
:-O
It’s gotten worse: Friday I got a picture of an F150 with (I assume) plastic handguns flanking the painted-over badge in its grill. My first thought (after, ‘Aw, really??’) was, ‘Man, you do not want to be ridin dirty in that rig!’
I remember seeing an ad in the Warshawsky/JC Whitney catalogs for a fake analog cellular phone – a portable handset that resembled the Motorola bricks (not bags) of the time. The ad made a reference to displaying it, IIRC, “to impress everyone”.
After you started writing about the goofy things that were available via mail-order, I bought some early 1990s JC Whitney catalogs to see if I could find that fake cell phone. No luck yet, but I haven’t given up.
The fake sunroofs don’t bother me nearly as much as the stick-on fake hood scoops. The only thing that bothers me more than stick-on fake hood scoops are the factory (Toyota) fake hood scoops.
As an owner of a peak SN95 New Edge Mustang…Hey! I resemble that comment!
BMW (Mini) also guilty of this. Only the supercharged Mk1 Cooper S but it has stayed since in non functional form.
I “installed” a golden fake hood scoop on my Geo back in the day. But that car was a rolling testament to self-deprecation.
At least the sunroof sticker doesn’t catch wind causing you to burn extra gas to make extra wind noise. Fake hood scoops are the worst.