Welcome back! I’m writing this from a Ramada Inn in storm-tossed Des Moines, Iowa. We had a wild day of crosswinds and rainstorms, punctuated by phone calls and texts with our realtor and various contractors. Selling a house is a pain in the ass – but I digress. Since I’m in Iowa, I thought I’d look at some local cars.
Yesterday’s drag race ended up as I expected, with the running Pinto beating the yard-art funny car by a country mile. And it is the logical choice – if you actually want a good start at a drag racer. As several of you pointed out, getting the funny car certified to actually run on a strip would be a pain in the ass.
But here’s the thing: Drag racing isn’t a logical thing to do. Driving a car as fast as it will go for only a quarter of a mile and then making it stop is a silly endeavor. So why not do it with some style? I choose the funny car, and I make no apologies.
Because of the storm, and the possibility of another one right behind it, I can’t promise I’ll have wifi here for long. So I have grabbed two cars that caught my eye. I guess the thread that ties them together is “custom work.” One is still in the project phase, and the other has been finished for a long time. Whether or not it was finished well, I’ll leave for you to decide.
1997 Ford Thunderbird – $3,500
Engine/drivetrain: 3.8 liter overhead valve V6, four-speed automatic, RWD
Location: Cedar Falls, Iowa
Odometer reading: 166,000 miles
Operational status: “Runs and drives good”
Nostalgia, it has been said, is a hell of a drug – so much so that it can compel people to ruin perfectly good new things in order to make them look like old things. In the guitar world, there is a process known as “relicing,” which involves taking a new guitar and artificially adding wear, cracks, and dings in the finish to make it look old. You can’t really do that with a newer car; aged plastic just looks crummy, not classic. But what you can do is graft bits of old cars, or replicas of them, onto new ones to mimic the old styles.
That’s what has been done to this 1997 Thunderbird; its normal beak and tail have been hacked off and replaced by panels that look like a ’51 Ford. This is a kit you can buy; the manufacturer also makes a kit to graft ’57 Chevy front and rear ends onto a Camaro. I’ve also seen various body kits for Corvettes to back-date them a few decades, too.
Under the skin, it’s still a garden-variety Thunderbird, complete with a 3.8 liter Essex V6, a four-speed automatic, air conditioning, power windows, the whole enchilada. I think that’s the idea: Get “classic car” looks without giving up all the comforts you’ve become accustomed to. It’s not my cup of tea, but I don’t think I’m the target audience.
The seller says it runs and drives well, with 166,000 miles to its name. We don’t get any good interior shots so I can’t comment on that, and the outside, well, it is what it is. The seller includes a photo of a bunch of car-show trophies sitting on the hood; I hope the folks who won them don’t get upset by that. (I kid, I kid…)
1973 Volkswagen Super Beetle – $3,500
Engine/drivetrain: Unknown displacement overhead-valve flat 4, four-speed manual, RWD
Location: Winterset, Iowa
Odometer reading: unknown
Operational status: Engine is on a stand, and the interior is largely absent
This car looks familiar to me because for about thirty seconds, many years ago, I owned one that looked almost exactly like it. Mine had a lot more rust on it, though. The Super Beetle has never been as much of a collectible as the standard Beetles, but a rising tide lifts all boats, as the saying goes, and air-cooled VW prices have skyrocketed in recent years, making the Super Beetle a relative bargain, even at $3,500 with the engine removed.
The engine in question came out of a sandrail, and is of unknown displacement. The seller says it ran well, then overheated and lost oil pressure, then the pressure came back when it cooled down. It should probably be torn apart and rebuilt right. Luckily, the seller is including a whole slew of VW engine parts, which should give you a head start.
The interior is pretty well trashed. It includes seats, but they need reupholstering. It’s not exactly hard to find old VW interior parts, so that’s not a big deal. It’s just work. Think of this as a big model kit; you have to put it together before you can play with it. Just try not to get any glue on the windows.
It’s not very rusty, at least; the seller says there are a few spots on the bottom of the fenders and a hole in the battery tray. The floor pans look all right, but it looks like another set is included as well.
So that’s what Des Moines, Iowa has to offer: a love-it-or-hate-it Thunderbird, and a finish-it-your-way Bug. They’re the same price, so you can base your choice on the vehicles themselves. Which one will it be?
Image credits: Craigslist sellers
Zero interest in either. I’m in the minority that fails to understand the attraction of Beetles and air cooled VWs in general. I even hate the exhaust note. And the frankenbird is an abomination. I would never finish anything I wouldn’t want to drive, so neither.
Bug would be a fun project. I’d burn the bird.
The Beetle is nice looking paint over a toxic waste dump. Painting the Thunderbird white would do wonders for its appearance. Sigh, give me the bird.
That T-Bird is a monstrosity while that Beetle just needs to be finished.
My vote goes to the Beetle.
“Relicing” sounds better that “antiqueing” that I was a victim of a couple times in college – getting powdered sugar thrown in your face. It was all in good fun…at least I wasn’t always in the receiving end!
“Relicing” sounds similar to the wear some people add to new antique style muzzleloader rifles they build. There was a guy my dad (who is a gunsmith) knew that would throw his new rifles in the trunk of his car for a couple weeks to get that wear on it.
When I was a kid, I built a beautiful model of a Ford GT90. I was almost done, and I got a big glue thumbprint right in the middle of the windshield. Bummer!
Crap, I should’ve taken a PTO today to avoid today’s showdown.
I hate Super Beetles and I like MN-12 birds, but I can’t stand the cheapo, unproportioned looks of this particular specimen and I would spend more than what I’d pay for it to bring it back to its stock form, which is not worth it on a non-V8 non-SC model.
In my book 9 out of 10 running cars will win over a non-exotic non-running car.
So Super Beetle it is as a flip special
I drove a 1990 Thunderbird SC in high school. That car ruled so hard. I was lucky and got a 5-speed model. That car was so cherry.
I liked those, wish I could find a clean one but they are now fetching 5 figures
I went with the Beetle; it seems like a decent deal and pretty logical to put together. The Thunderbird is not at all my thing. Stock, it’d have a chance, or a real ’51 Ford, but this is too jarring.
None of the above please thank you
We should get a write-in option like elections. That would be interesting..
I hate Super Beetles (honestly any Type 1 past 1966), so it is out. I’ll take the T-bird for the team and enjoy watching it be crushed to help restore just a little bit of normality to the world.
I’m pretty damn biased as the owner of a classic bug, but that super is a great buy in my opinion at $3500. My bug is beautifully restored and slammed on the ground, but I have been really wanting to buy a cheap bug lately to turn into a mild Baja-style build.
As someone who just spent years restoring mine, I can say that these are wonderful project cars. They’re still very cheap to basically build from the ground up compared to other classics of the same vintage. The battery tray rust is common, and it even comes with pan-halves ready to go.
If my wife wouldn’t murder me for bringing it home, I would have probably bought this the second I saw that ad. This bug will make someone very happy.
I’m up for a Bug tussle, gimme the Super Beetle.
It’s over the price limit, but damn does that Thunderbird need to be on a 24 Hours of Lemons starting grid
I’m just going to sit this one out. Ugh.
I mean, I don’t really want either, but I don’t hate Super Beetles, while I most certainly hate those stupid Thunderbird … things.
This is by far the hardest decision I have seen on one of these. I so badly do not want either of these cars…I would have to go with the Beetle I suppose since at least I could bare to be associated with it. If the Thunderbird had the stock body I could work with that as it would be easy to swap a supercharger on.
I once applied for a really exciting job in Des Moines, to which I was perfectly well qualified. At the end of the process I ended up second in the ranking among over 200 candidates (there were two positons). They appointed some randos that were below tenth, but with good political connections. For years I wonder why would someone make such decisions.
Now I look at these cars and suddenly I understand it all.
I’d rather walk, again.
If it was a T bird in its regular getup, I’d have that. Since it is what it is, give me the Beetle reluctantly.
Super Beetle. I took one look at the Ford and noped out
I can’t imagine putting all that work into a Thunderbird with a 3.8. There’s a lot of things here that don’t make sense but strangely I think that’s the standout for me.
Shoebox Bird with hood pins?
I have cash: is cash OK?
Boy, I don’t want that particular Beetle project, but I can barely look at that Thunderbird without wincing. Just looking at it in pictures makes me unhappy. I can’t imagine what it would be like having that thing in my garage.
So Beetle it is. At least it’s a relatively clean body to work with, even if everything else about it is trash. And if I give up, I can easily sell it off. I’m pretty sure there’s zero chance I would ever find a buyer for that Mitsuoka-style monstrosity around here.
Yeah, that’s exactly what I was thinking so I’ll just say ditto. And to the owner of the T-turd, why, just why!
what’s more concerning is I saw about three of these hideous looking T-birs for sale in CARFAX’s website and one of them was a 93 Super Coupe. Somebody ruined a perfectly good car in favor of a 1950’s look that won’t fool anyone.
Don’t they make any kits to make your T-bird look like another T-bird, rather than an unrelated Ford?
Not that it’s my thing, but the lines of a late ’90s aerobird would seem best morphing into a late ’60s 5th gen one (with the hidden headlights) perhaps.
Also – really with the flames?! I have a subcollection of Hot Wheels T-birds, and it absolutely kills me that the ’57 was only available with a flame job.
At least with the SuperBug project you’d have a reasonably desirable car at the end. That WTF-Bird is hideous as-is and would only be a decent used car if you put the time and money into restoring it back to what it was supposed to be.
As for trophies, I have no desire to go to any car show where this shitebox was the best of any category.
Who’s to say they’re not awards for being the *worst* car thee?