Yesterday, and I can’t exactly remember why it happened, we ended up talking about the Chevrolet Chevette, especially the ultra-base model Chevette Scooter. I found myself getting into a real Chevette-hole, trying to find pictures of just how austere and punishing that entry-est level of Chevettes was, with its absent rear seat and armrest-free door cards and rubber mats on the doors, carpet just a glorious, decadent dream. The best place for those pictures, by the way, is this 1977 Car and Driver review. More importantly, though, is this fact: I started to want one of these miserable things.
The Chevette, even in its most lavish versions, was a primitive, cramped hunk of crap, to put it generously. Its RWD drivetrain was last-generation’s tech in an increasingly FWD world, just shrunk down and crammed into a hatchback. The build quality was often on the level of how on-model your average superhero-based popsicle is, and the car really didn’t offer any especially clever or compelling details.
And yet, somehow, this sad little thing has some strange charm I found myself drawn to. I remember carpooling in high school with my friend Emily, listening to Camper Van Beethoven in her white Chevette, and those are good memories! That car wasn’t too bad, right?
So, yeah, somehow I tricked my brain into kind of wanting a Chevette Scooter. There must be crap cars that you, dear, sexy readers, have somehow found yourself desiring, against all better judgment, right? Cars that you never really thought were especially interesting or appealing or, hell, even good, that somehow hijack your desire?
Tell us about them! Spill your guts! We’re here to commiserate, or describe something even worse!
Personally, it’d be basically any old french econobox, for no particular reason.
Although, a Lada of some kind would be cool, they can’t be that bad, right?
I would want any American car from the 60’s up to maybe the late 80’s. I think it would be really interesting to drive what was essentially the PT Cruiser of the time (everywhere and abused), but far past the lifetime of the those things.
Peel P50 (or a trident) because it is basically useless. I want it because it is useless, don’t ask me why just accept it.
Geo Tracker convertible. Two latches freed your head. With the whole thing down you could fit amazing things in. Full sized ladders, deck planks, kegs. Decent range and gas consumption. And no one ever suspected the driver of eeevil intent. Who was it stole my daughter away in the dead of night? Who was it brought all that beer to the band retreat? Not that charming Tracker driver. None of the above is a confession.
My problem with this is calling the Tracker a crap car.
It’s just not. It’s one of the most delightful vehicles in the world, a 4wd Miata with above-average reliability, fuel mileage, handling, off road capability, and the fun factor was off the charts!
Oh, I agree. But lots of people regard it differently.
I have long held a perverse hankering for a two door Ford Fairmont. It’s a Fox body that probably 95% of available Mustang go-fast parts will simply bolt up to. My idealized version would feature a brutal 302 mated to a five speed but would retain it’s church-going little old lady aesthetic right down to the hubcaps and plaid interior.
A later Ford Pinto, with the 2.3. It was the car my parents owned and that I got to drive when I first got my license in the early ’80s. Once Ford fixed the fuel tank issues they were actually not a half bad car for something from the Malaise Era. Only I’d like mine to be a 4 speed rather than the automatic my parents had.
The Plymouth Scamp pickup from 82-84. I’d take the Dodge version, but I’d prefer the dead brand version.
A Mk3-3.5 Ford Focus HB manual; the manual fixes it’s biggest issue so all you have left to deal with is either MyFordTouch, or Sync 2 or 3. Bet the prices are still low on these because of that auto
A Peugeot 307 SW. Is it a good car? No. Is it at least a good looking one? Not really. I want one because it´s the first car that I´ve ever driven (being the family car). Most of these cars in my area were plagued by electrical gremlins. The only problem ours had was that it chew through lightbulbs (we had to change them at least twice per year during its first five years).
I essentially want one because of nostalgia and I´ve always wanted to try to modify one of these things.
You hit a nerve with the Chevette. In high school in the 1980’s , myself and a couple of my friends worked at a pharmacy. We would deliver prescriptions to shut ins in a very old, abused company Chevette. This was a two door , 4 speed manual model. It took all of our high school antics with nary a problem. So surprisingly awful it was good and date o say reliable.
Oooooh, this is exactly my wheelhouse!
If I had ALL the money, I would have a grand collection of crap cars.
VW Beetle (the old, good one, not the new one)
Citroen 2CV
Chevy Citation
Various Crosleys
Trabant
Yugo
Original Mini
Among others.
There’s a reason I consider Torch to be my spirit animal.
I want a Daewoo Nubria wagon in green.