While at Monterey Car Week, I once again was deeply honored/humiliated (honormiliated) to find that I was once again to be a judge for the Concurs D’Lemons, the most prestigious event of all of car week, at least according the talking crow that alighted on my shoulder after I ate those expired pills I found in the ashtray of a Dodge A100 parked by the event.
My category was Swedish, which generously also seemed to include Holland, the Netherlands, the country of the Dutch, all those places. This was fortunate, as the car I picked to win was a charming DAF utility van. This was a very simple, humble machine, and had real character. Plus, as a DAF, it was technically interesting, because DAF’s signature technical trick was the first real production continuously-variable transmission, using cones and big rubber belts.
I’m sure you’ve seen diagrams of it before; it looks like this:
Neat, right? Of course it is. Even better, this transmission means you can go backwards as fast as forwards, leading to races like these:
The DAF that I was judging was one of these you see below; unfortunately and bafflingly I somehow didn’t get a shot of the exterior?
I did get a nice shot of the simple, lone instrument:
There’s no fuel gauge, just that yellow light with the old-school, round-headed fuel pump, and – I think this part of the deal – this corner-shaped plastic gas can in a holder at the rear that maybe functions as a sort of reserve tank?
Okay, but none of this answers the big question: what does this weird green triangle button do?
It’s not a hazard light switch, I’ll give you that. and why is it partially shaded? What is this strange, ancient rune?
Guess away! And, when you’re ready for the answer, click here, and I’ll show you right out of a DAF owner’s manual.
I’m not sure I’d have gotten it, but it sort of makes sense, in hindsight.
Engage pyramid ascent mode. I don’t know why that would be a thing in the Netherlands though, but after watching that DAF-fy 😉 backwards race (I literally LOLed) I’m suspecting there must be a certain Monty Python-esque-ness to the country, and now I want to go.
Don’t forget to bring a shrubbery.
And another shrubbery, just in case.
“this corner-shaped plastic gas can in a holder at the rear that maybe functions as a sort of reserve tank?”
Pretty cool! Seems like it was a common thing in Europe for cars, especially economy models, to have such reserves, either as discrete cans such as that DAF one or as part of the fuel system such as pre-1962 VW Beetles.
My first car, a no-frills base-model 1974 Volvo 144 4-speed, bought in 1986, was made in Belgium (though I was given to understand that the seller, who was the original owner, had bought it in the US) and the glovebox manual included an accessory catalog which showed many nifty items, some of which were not available in the US, AFAIK. My favorite item in that accessory catalog was a reserve gas can designed to fit in one of the spare tire compartments (this car had two spare tire compartments on the sides in the trunk just aft of the rear wheels) and still provide a flat trunk compartment floor; it looked like a giant ink blotter.
To this day I have yet to see such an item in person.
I wasn’t necessarily interested in a DAF racing series, but I clicked on it anyway because I thought backwards racing could be fun. Now I realize that humanity has been foolishly chasing more and more intense, fast, and extreme racing while the Dutch already achieved the absolute pinnacle of racing in the 1970s!
Deploy sail!
Great minds think alike. Who needs a reserve gas container when you have wind power?
This is obviously the math quiz button. When pressed, it requires you to find the area of the shaded part in inches. If you get the answer wrong, the car does not start.
As a European car, I’m sure you need to find the area in millimeters or centipods.
Silly me, i forgot that Europeans didn’t use merican freedom units.
It’s clearly showing a pyramid casting a shadow. It lets the DAF Drive Like an Egyptian.
Side-wise?
That button deploys the power sundial
It is the low gear hold. My father had many many DAFs, he was not a car person,he learnt to drive in a Daf when he was in his fifties and never really saw the need for anything else. I got really good at keeping ancient Daffodils and Daf33s running well past their use by date.
Illuminati secret passage opener.
You press that button to raise the sail after you ignore the low gas light for too long.
That button deploys the emergency Peter Pan hat.
It toggles between wireframe and texture rendering in the 3d view window.
Looks to me like a mountain with a steep grade (shaded area), so some sort of gearing change to allow easier climbing of grades or descending of grades without lugging the engine/overtaxing the brakes.
Time to click and see if I’m right.
low gear ratio somethingsomething for climbing hills somethingsomething which of course they have a lot of in the Netherlands. So maybe it’s a LOL button?
Environmental hazard.
It deploys the prism hood ornament and starts playing “Dark side of the moon”
this is the correct answer, obviously.
Beat me to it.
You won.
JT, based on your recent life developments, you should already know that pills don’t expire, they just evolve their purpose.
eta: Am I the only one whose arrow buttons don’t move the cursor? It’s only on this site. Odd. Maybe my arrow buttons are evolving as well…
That little tank looks like a milk jug from Costco.
I’m going with some kind of low gear (ratio?) hold for going downhill.
Dark side of the moon button. If you press it, you will immediately be transported to Oz.
It’s the DAF’s DGAF button, obviously
Activates the downhill mode so you can coast after you DGAF about the low fuel light.
Must be the Go button.
Dorito Dispenser of course. The Doritos come out of a square hole on the dash.
Even just thinking about that video continues to crack me up, no matter how many times I’ve seen it.
Looks like a mountain… hill decent assist?
I don’t think they have hills in the Netherlands.
Gotta be at least one. How else would they get back above sea level?
Have to use a series of locks like the Panama Canal. Seriously, though, you’re right, this button does keep the transmission in low range to aid hill descent. At least I think that’s what I recall. Been a long time since I drove in Amsterdam.
The only hills in Netherlands are the bridges that span the canals.
It’s clearly the Turbo Boost button. It illuminates when active. A ramp is deployed, the engine makes more power, and you can clear whatever obstacle is preventing your escape from that sinister black vehicle pursuing you!