Can a person really think that screaming “I HAVE TO MAKE A CONNECTION IN CHICAGO!” at a counter agent is going to help their cause? This individual at Charlotte International seems to think so. Here are the facts: weather happens, planes break, labor unions do “quiet strikes,” and there ain’t a thing you can do about it.
What about me? I’m as chill as a penguin in the front seat of late seventies GM car with the R12-based air conditioning blasting. My business meetings are done and I’ve got an expense-account-purchased burrito in my hands so I’m in no hurry to get anywhere. Plus, the delay gives me more time to do something that I enjoy possibly a bit too much: looking out the window at the plethora of weird and wondrous purpose-built airport vehicles.
Sure, I’m a nerd but I have a lot of love for things like Bluth-style stair cars and baggage conveyors, plus those chunky luggage trains. Designed to do a specific task with no other street-legal requirements, they take on wacky shapes and proportions that seem like oversized toys.
Still, the true king-of-all-machines must be the aircraft “push back” tractors or tugs. These cartoonish things feature huge (usually steerable) wheels that are as tall as the entire vehicle. They resemble moon rovers from a seventies sci-fi show like Space 1999.
The idea of the aircraft tug is that maneuvering right up at the terminal using the actual jets of the plane is cumbersome and very wasteful of fuel. Worse than that, blasting the jets that close to the terminal can obviously cause damage to the building, not to mention that ground crew getting sucked into a jet is typically frowned upon. Some use a towbar to move the aircraft but the wide “towbarless” tugs lift the whole front wheel and landing gear off of the ground and drag the plane without any connections needing to be made (this would also be great for repossessing aircraft when, say, Yezzy Airways stops making payments).
One of the largest is the Goldhofer AST-1X, available as a four- or six-wheeled model.
The largest six wheeled version weights fifty tons and features not one, but two diesel engines, producing the 1360 horsepower needed to move a monstrous aircraft like an an Airbus 380 or Boeing 747.
Naturally, regardless of maintenance, these things will eventually reach the end of their life cycle, and then what? Just moving one of these things off of the airport takes a tremendous amount of effort (note the size of the trailer above), and even if you were able to sell a used one how would you realistically get it to an airport that wants it on the other side of the country? All of that might be a moot point, however. The death knell for these is likely something greater: airports are starting to take delivery of all-electric tugs with eco-friendly internal combustion engine-free power. Very soon, a tug like a Goldhofer AST-1X will be as obsolete as a Motorola RAZR. Besides scrapping these things for the steel, what else could you do with one of these magnificent beasts?
Well, the ‘end of life cycle’ for an aircraft tug means it can’t pull Airbuses several times an hour; it doesn’t mean it can’t move around on a far less strenuous schedule. But what would it haul? Well, I’m inspired by an idea from decades ago, and taking up a notch.
A few months back, Mercedes Streeter reported on something Dulles Airport outside of Washington, D.C. used to transport passengers from the terminal out to aircraft on the runway: the “mobile lounge”. These futuristic-looking-for-the-time transportation modules were able to raise and lower and did the job of today’s “jetbridges”.
I’m sure that passengers got unparalleled views of the runways and other aircraft maneuvering as they rode to their flight. The interior offered seating for up to 102 skirts-and-suits Mad Men-types, when people actually dressed for air travel and never would have dreamed of boarding a flight wearing a baggy PINK branded sweat suit, slippers, and a big purple pillow or headphones stuck to their neck. Despite the name, these really were not “lounges” per se, but the idea of relaxing in the thick of the action on the runways is sort of appealing.
Also, I’ve seen a number of eateries across the country that take advantage of their airport location to entice diners that are not actually traveling that day. Pilot Pete’s is one such restaurant at a small airport in suburban Schaumburg, Illinois where huge windows let you observe the comings and goings of (primarily small) aircraft while you eat.
Finally, a lot of smaller airports have viewing areas, even featuring things like seating and outdoor speakers that play real-time communications from the control tower. The fact that over 650,000 people made a voyage to a tiny Wisconsin town to look at airplanes means there are more flight geeks out there than we might imagine. Even those with a casual interest in planes wouldn’t mind seeing these things take off or scream as they drop only a hundred feet or so above your head. Could that be a fun way to enjoy a meal or a few drinks with friends?
I think it could, and I know just the thing to make it happen. A small bar or restaurant seems too large and heavy to drive down a road or runway but it’s not too big a task for our friend the Goldhofer. Hell, that would be a walk in the park compared to towing some Airbus. Let’s combine Pilot Pete’s and the Mobile Lounge and make CEILING ZERO–the ultimate immersive airport dining experience.
This moving restaurant could park either at the terminal or at a location on the perimeter of the airport to allow passengers to board for their flight–maybe a vintage stair car could be employed to help (and of course a lift for wheelchairs). CEILING ZERO then leaves for its scheduled hour or two journey (with a meal) to different vantage points of the bustling air travel center. Watch massive jets land and take off from a distance so close you could almost smell the tire smoke, all while you listen to air traffic control attempting to manage this parade of steel birds (in fact, the driver would need to be in contact with air traffic control if crossing runways). In the evening, as the sun sets, you ride back to where you started amongst the Tron-like lights on miles of runways.
The floorplan shows the tight, rail-car style use of space with food prep and booths:
The mid-century inspired steel-and-glass structure of CEILING ZERO calls to mind the golden era of flight where Lucky Strike-smoking men walked through terminals in sleek grey suits and ladies sipped cocktails at the airport bar wearing Jackie Onassis-style hats. Very black, white and chrome with wood accents, and very MCM-style light fixtures in the minimalist design. Even the upholstery calls to mind the seats of the old Mobile Lounges:
The interior highlight would be a wall inspired by an oddly named sculpture called Gastrotypographicalassemblage. In 1966, the president of CBS asked creative director Lou Dorfsman to develop a focal point for the New York City office cafeteria. This thirty-foot-long sculpture comprised cut wood letters calling out different foods in a multitude of fonts all painted white. The wall was torn down in the nineties when mid-century was yet to be cool, but thankfully this typographic masterpiece was saved, restored, and now lives appropriately enough at the Culinary Institute of America. Considering it was done in the days long before 3D printing, it’s a rather mind-boggling piece of work:
A rooftop deck with retractable sun covers for outer seating or a more lavish way to enjoy planes landing than sitting on the hood of a car by a fence outside of the runway (ear protection will be provided, of course). Naturally, you could rent the whole thing out for events or get-togethers; beats some dull banquet hall with no windows where you’re stuck listening to embarrassing toasts from people you’ve never met, right?
Sure, this might not be a financially viable proposition, but it pains me to see these cool vehicles go to pasture, and it’s not just the aircraft tugs. There have to be second lives for other airport machines as well. We’ve seen elevating cargo loaders turned into campers:
Could luggage conveyors become treadmills? Baggage trains as kids rides? Somebody has to show these hard-working misfits some love in their sunset years.
The Only Way To Go Is Up With This Daydreaming Designer’s Three Story Camper Concept – The Autopian
Our Daydreaming Designer Imagines The Ultimate Autopian Tour Bus – The Autopian
You’re gonna get some hop-ons.
here for every single AD reference 🙂
The tug is 14’6″ by 31’2″
I assume this use some kind of TARDIS technology to have that floor plan?
Our local “little plane” airport has a coffee shop with the large windows. We used to take my daughter there when she was young so that she (and my wife) could watch the planes land while we ate breakfast. Great fun in a Sunday morning.
On a scale from airport tug to popup camper van, how high were you when this concept manifested itself into your brain?
I’m surprised they don’t do this anymore, since train cars often lived second lives as diners.
Not just train cars, even airplanes and busses. I remember a time when retired double deckers were turned into stationary bars all the time where I’m from. This isn’t usual anymore, but recently I noticed someone close to my home town bought a decomissioned articulated bus and turned it into a food truck with an indoor dinig area. And it definitely moves around, because it spends the week parked near an industrial complex but it isn’t there on weekends (my guess is they move it to a nightclubbing area friday to sunday, as that’s where the money is during the weekend for a foodtruck business).
As for airplanes: for quite some time, one of the most famous stip clubs in Lisbon was a decomissioned airplane near the airport. It was dismantled in 2008, which wasn’t very well received by the population because it had become an iconic visual element in the area.
I’m betting the cost to get it on-site would be impractical, but this restaurant creeping around VIR at 1 or 2 mph would absolutely induce me to drive 2 hours down there to dine. Cool concept-and kudos for the out there idea.
In practical terms, though, you would probably want to be close to a major population center or other attraction. We had dinner cruises on a local lake, but they stopped because of declining customers. I guess an airport is normally near large populations, but I really don’t know about the logistics of adding a large chicane to runways
An entertaining evening for sure. However as a HRA degree holding person I will give you my opinion, solely my opinion, of why this and other Theme restaurants don’t wkork. This is a one/two and done experience. Long drive expensive parking, what appears to be a diner experience good for a meal. But in the Restaurant field you need seat turnover and regular guests. The whole trip means 1 visitor per seat per meal period and the cost says maybe 2x a year. Not profitable but a fun meal.
Adult in the room.
HRA Hotel Restarant Administration Degree.
Take it one step further – sacrifice some of the table space to include the amenities most premium lounges have for people awaiting connections. Have it check back into the airport every half hour for people to enter/depart, maybe even do premium boarding right from the lounge as an extra cost option. You might not get people coming out from the city for this experience, but travelers are a captive audience and have already proven a willingness to pay for things to help pass the time.
Transportation watching can be fun.
Along the Panama Canal, at the Miraflores Locks, there is an outdoor restaurant where you can have a great lunch and watch the lock operations.
Fun fact: they have little tug-like vehicles on geared tracks on both sides of the lock to guide the ships through. (They don’t actually pull; the ships move under their own power.)
For those of us old enough in Quebec:
Remember when the “Cage aux Sports” restaurants had planes hanging off the ceiling?
I delivered the newspaper to the guy who’s job was to install them.
Nice I had a route that serviced many Penguin players outside Pittsburgh. One Christmas I was tipped 9 pairs of Penguins game tickets.
The perfect location for this, if given a bit of tarmac to wander in a loop, would be the TWA Hotel at JFK. Use a spare jetway for boarding/unloading of patrons.
Here’s a twist on your idea: how about when the inevitable delays happen, instead of holding passengers hostage on the plane or herding them back into a terminal already crowded with people waiting on their flights, you roll a few of these babies up to plane and let the passengers disembark to enjoy these lounge/restaurants until it’s time to reboard. And if you have to switch airframes for mechanical reasons, no sweat, just roll on over to the new plane.
this! Great idea, but the use for delayed flights would change everything Lots less drama for the flight attendants too I bet.
I honestly think this should be implemented.
I went to a rotating restaurant once and it was ridiculous how sick I got from the almost imperceptible movement. I’m out. Plus, historic experimental, racing, or fighter planes, you’d have my attention, but the flying school buses, box trucks, and VW Beetles that make up typical airports, no thanks.
“how would you realistically get it to an airport that wants it on the other side of the country?”
Would a huge cargo transport aircraft be viable for moving it from airport to airport long distance?
It would be romantic for an airplane to transport a plane transporter.
I like it. Go Fund me to make the rolling diner a thing. A food truck on steroids.
I like the idea in principle and I’ll admit that watching airplanes land and take off is fascinating. That being said, given the amount of air pollution around the average airport, I’m not sure storing, preparing and eating food in the middle of one is the best life choice.
Fun fact: the APC in Aliens was an airport tug that tried to kill people.
https://youtu.be/CoiOgtW86_Q?si=wyVWavV-IqMV0qRf&t=893
DadBod- not sure why I said Space1999 but I KNEW it looked like something similar
I like the idea of using it as a special event space. I would very much enjoy a birthday party where my friends and I just tooled around the airport gawking at planes and eating snacks.
I’m not so sure about the practicality as a regular restaurant at an airport, though. The appeal of traditional terminal restaurants is that you can arrive whenever you like, stay for as long as you need, and then go off to board your flight. If the restaurant itself is mobile, you’d have to pay attention to the restaurant’s arrival and departure times (not to mention boarding and de-restauranting times) and coordinate those against your flight’s boarding time. I’d rather just grab a burrito at the same place you got yours (especially if I can expense it) and not be locked in to my restaurant’s timetable.
What about some sort of animal park tour? Instead of an airport, run these motorized restaurants through a zoo-like animal habitat where diners can observe the creatures at different points along a track in the environment at a relaxed pace while enjoying a meal.
isn’t the airport itself a zoo-like habitat where we can observe entertaining creatures?
Duke of Kent- yes, I think the whole usage as an actual airport restaurant would be limited since most of us don’t allow for the time needed for the experience. It would need to be a stand-alone thing, like going to Pilot Pete’s.
I like the animal park tour thing- not unlike the giant buses used to take people out in the arctic to look at polar bears.The Tundra Buggy Adventure | Frontiers North Adventures
I didn’t realize it until now, but I really need to go look at some polar bears from the comfort of a funny buggy thing!
And Pilot Pete’s looks cool. If I ever find myself in… {checks notes} Schaumburg, IL, I will be sure to check it out.
Duke of Kent- most small airports have some kind of restaurant, but few turn it into such a large destination. Most of the restaurants are jokingly called “hundred dollar hamburger joints”, meaning that many people with small aircraft will take a Saturday flight just for the sake of flying to a not-too-far-off little airport and have a meal. Basically, it’s the most expensive way to have a hamburger ever (and that “hundred dollar” term was coined decades ago since it’s a LOT more now just to start up a plane).
Thanks someone is looking forward to the issues.
I don’t fly much anymore, but it sure would be a bit easier to pay $12 for a bottled beer if I were sitting in Ceiling Zero. 🙂
I have one suggestion. Make one wall of each bathroom appear to be a large window that is actually a big TV screen playing footage of an empty runway. Since both bathrooms are single person, in the interest of making them available to people waiting, if someone spends more than, say 5 minutes in there, it starts playing footage of a plane appearing to crash into restaurant. That should get them – ahem – moving along.
I used to visit Dulles Airport frequently in the 80s and rode the lifted people transport buses often. They did provide a nice view of the runway but were just about the worst bottleneck for the efficient movement of passengers ever devised. I love the mid-century architecture of Dulles but it was (is?) just a terribly designed and run airport.
A great place to visit is the WW2 bunker themed restaurant at Peachtree Dekalb airport. They even have simulated radio calls with the returning bomber squadrons. I’ll go for a lifted airport restaurant but only if it is located outside the hustle-bustle zone.
Also, it might not still be the case but Dulles was at one point the airport that was farther than any other city that it served among all major US metro areas. It was in the middle of nowhere- now, of course, not so much!
Ditto WPB AIRPORT called 351st bomber squad old ww2 vehicles. Not sure if it is still there.
As someone who has fond memories of finding an isolated wing of the Amsterdam airport with a fantastic view of the departure runway (aside: it’s amazing how much presence a 747 has still today. I’m sad I will probably never get to fly on one), I would 100% go hang out in one of these.
Unfortunately there’s no indication that business travel is coming back anytime soon at my company and I tend to prefer road tripping for my personal holidays because car seats are drastically more comfortable than airline seats. Plus you can take all of your stuff along without mortgaging your house.
Ben- I wish I could have flown on an early 747 with the stairs going to the piano bar!
I flew on a few of the 2 level 747 flights back in the day but I didn’t have the status to visit the high-rollers lounge. I assumed there were beautiful athletes and A-listers drinking champagne and doing lines of coke off the grand piano being played by a pop star.
I was on the second level of a 747 ~15 years ago for a long, business-class trip to Asia.
It was pretty amazing – and comparatively very quiet. We had our own team of flight attendants, but there were no A-listers AFAIK and no piano that I heard. (Maybe the pianoforte was a little too piano.) I wondered what the actual first class environment was like but had no real inclination to peek past the curtain.
waiting for an early morning flight out of
ShamrockShannon several years ago, i was told to follow the signs to the smoking area. the terminal was under renovation, and the signs were just sheets of A4 taped to successive walls with “Smoking” and an arrow printed on them. was very much not expecting the last sign to be on a door that released me to the edge of the tarmac, with maybe a meter high railing between myself and the working terminal apron. i’d never been on a “runway” with full sized jet liners. felt like an ant.side note: health and safety aside, this was several years ago, but still well after 9/11, and being used to the TSA vaudeville, the apparently-lax security was astounding to me.
On the subject of tugs, I worked in a hangar that was very crowded with narrow and widebodies. They had a remote controlled electric tug. It lifted it by the nosewheel and you drove it around with a remote. It was super cool and way nicer than sitting in a tug trying to park a plane with spotters and wing walkers.
Like a big one of these?
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The brand was Mototok. Check it out.
Yes, as I mentioned it looks like they’re already employing electric tugs at some airports, and likely soon autonomous ones, so the end is near for things like this diesel monster.
Lufthansa deploys electric tugs on Frankfurt airport – Aviacionline.com