I’m not proud of it, but I’ve driven some real piles on public roads. I mean real garbage. But unlike this person in Australia, I’ve never been caught driving a car without its front end, windshield, or rear glass. Let’s talk about this ridiculous reprimand that occurred in the state of Victoria in Australia earlier this month, then see if I can get any of you to admit that you’ve also partaken in such tomfoolery.
I’ve never driven a car that I thought was endangering other vehicles on the road, but I have driven cars that I thought might endanger me a bit. My Postal Jeep before my repairs was definitely the worst.
I’m going to quote my colleague Jason Torchinsky’s words from my 2019 Jalopnik article titled “I Drove My $500 Postal Jeep Only a Few Miles but It Was Still Sketchy as Hell“:
One of the things I think I actually take real pride in is the fact that I’m willing and able to drive some really, really terrible cars. It’s one of those perverse things I actually love, and the worse it is, the better it feels. I don’t think it’s a sex thing, but let’s be honest, who the hell knows?
Anyway, David’s Postal Jeep really delivered here. It’s terrible. And I mean that by my own Torch standards of terrible. It’s barely drivable, and, I’m pretty sure it’s dangerous as hell, too. It’s stubbornly slow, which may be the only reason David or myself or anyone behind the wheel of that thing is still alive. It’s also impressive that the performance of it with a real-car inline-six is as bad or worse than things I’ve driven with a single, wheezy two-stroke cylinder.
The Postal Jeep is baffling in how bad it drives. Nothing makes sense. Why is it so hard to keep in a straight line at 35 mph? How does it require so much steering input? Why does it want to start fishtailing at the slightest provocation, like driving by a sign with colors that are just a bit too vivid? Nothing about it makes any sense.
Except the brakes. They make sense when you understand that they have no interest in stopping you.
I don’t throw the word “deathtrap” around much, but I could be tempted to make an exception here.
Mercedes chimed into my slack discussion to mention that she daily-drove the little Ford Festiva you see drowning in a dirty river below:
Here’s a screenshot from a video a trucker took of Mercedes driving the Festiva as-is down the highway, with the passenger’s floorboard covered in White Claws:
As for that Hyundai Palisade that cops in Victoria pulled over on Saturday the 18th of March? Well, I’ll just embed the Tweet:
Checklist before leaving the house:
✅ Keys
✅ Wallet
???? Front end of the carOfficers couldn’t believe their eyes when this vehicle drove past them on McIntyre Road in Sunshine North on Saturday.
Details ➡ https://t.co/V77ycV77VI pic.twitter.com/rFPiYlEgBE
— Victoria Police (@VictoriaPolice) March 19, 2023
“Keys, wallet, front end of the car” read the three items on the hilarious fake checklist on the Victoria Police’s Twitter page. The police’s press release describes what happened:
Police had to do a double-take after watching a car drive past them missing half its front end in Sunshine North.
Officers were on patrol when a 2022 Hyundai Palisade drove past them on McIntyre Road about 3.30pm on Saturday.
It wasn’t the 41-year-old woman’s driving that drew their attention, but the fact that it had no windscreen, back window, or panels to cover its engine.
The Brighton woman had already been issued with a defect notice by police on Wednesday, warned it was unsafe and not to drive it.
She was issued with another fine, this time for using a light vehicle in breach of a major defect notice which will cost her $740 plus earning herself three demerit points.
That’s some sketchy stuff!
Have you driven a janky car before on public roads, even temporarily? Maybe you just got into a fender bender, or your tire keeps going flat after 20 miles, or your radiator is leaking all over the road — any sort of janky driving, I want to hear about it in the comments section!
1980 Pontiac Catalina Grand Safari diesel wagon that had been started just 30 minutes prior after sitting for 10 years. One semi-functioning front brake, smoking like Uncle Buck’s Lincoln, transmission slipping, with a freshly awakened hornet nest in the rear cargo area.
An old war surplus Jeep at a church camp where I worked for several summers. Someone, at some point, had welded together a bed extension – from plate steel – so it could carry four 55-gallon trash barrels. Of course, four full barrels on the back practically lifted the front off the ground. So, frame extensions were added so three or four huge steel castings could be cradled (not attached) on the front. Seats were the original steel frames and wire springs, with no upholstery, so toilet seats were wired to the frames. Tires were bald and may or may not have had cord showing – it wouldn’t go over 20 mph, so the powers that be apparently decided that was OK. Brakes were a mere suggestion that you might stop at the bottom of the hill that led from Upper to Lower camps, but that was only if you started pumping them at the top of the hill. And they were fine with allowing 16-, 17- and 18-year-old boys drive it. They also allowed us to operate chain saws and drop trees with the only safety briefing being “don’t be stupid.” My, how times have changed!
69 El Camino with 4 wheel drums and no power assist. I couldn’t squat enough to stop that car quickly.
Also, UPS “package cars” that I used to drive were often a deathtrap. There was one I often drove that constantly had the u-bolts on the rear leaf springs coming loose until the axle would turn cockeyed (our mechanic told me this was no big deal and I should drive it 70 miles back to the center, I refused). I also drove one for two weeks without windshield wipers, another for a day with no passenger windshield. Many were missing pieces of the floor, or the doors wouldn’t open/shut, or wouldn’t drive straight to save a life.
Thinking of all this, that Hyundai seems pretty safe to me.
My worst car driven on public roads would be my old ’75 VJ Valiant Regal Wagon (parts donor for the Charger) that spent its whole life at Byron Bay.
I had it on a hoist for 15 minutes before it started creaking loudly, would turn right under hard braking and every window had a thick layer of tobacco filth.
Honestly, that’s pretty low on the list of sketchiness as long as it’s kept below highway speeds. No leaking fluids, working steering and brakes. Definitely good enough to limp home, anyways.
Sketchiest thing I’ve driven was a 1-ton van-based ambulance with a worn-out steering gearbox and failing master cylinder. Nothing like having to pre-pump the brakes every time on something that weighs 7700lbs, in heavy traffic.
I had a Pontiac Sunbird in high school. Timing belt snapped on my way home from a date. My dad and I just slapped on a new one. But the engine was clearly trashed as I had to turn off the AC to pass cars on 2 lane roads afterwards. It also had this cool “feature” that the power steering wouldn’t work when turning left until the car warmed up. As a result, my friends lovingly nicknamed the car the Sh**bird.
Shitbird? Man, that would have worked for both my dads partied out six cylinder ’84 firebird or his later ’87 sunbird that he spilled a full glass of milk in (more than once) and as a result the car stank all the time.
Well, in Australia, they seem to be used to the concept of the front half of things falling off… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3m5qxZm_JqM
Was it towed outside of the environment?
I came here looking for this
HOW have I never seen this?
Thank you
Meh, I see cars like that on the road in Florida every day. Missing body panels, doors and glass is common. That wouldn’t even get a second look from the cops here.
Most of my sketch cars have been driving rotted out (should replace the bottom half of the sheet metal) cars. Some of them were so far gone DT might have even paid to take them off my hands.
Man, a 2022 – that Palisade went downhill faster than an Altima with a temp tag
Can we please be allowed to post photos? Or maybe I’m missing something…
I daily drive a Nissan Altima.
I’ll let you do the math.
1949 International KB2 pickup. It was my dad’s at the time (now I own it), and was built by my brother. It’s been swapped to a 302/T5, so it’s well over it’s original 75 horsepower. Stock front drum brakes, not self adjusting. The master cylinder had a leak, you had to fill it up every time you drove it. You also had to pump the brakes at least 3 times to get any braking effect at all. As the brakes were not self adjusting, one side would tend to grab before the other. It was anyone’s guess as to which way the truck was going to pull. Add into that the original steering linkage and the quarter turn of the wheel that accomplished nothing, and you have a fun time! I once did a 180 across a 3 lane road ???????? stopped about a foot before the curb, and luckily didn’t hit anyone!
This was several years ago, the truck now has a new master cylinder, disc brakes up front, and a new brake line in the front. It’s much better to drive, just gotta find a way to replace the steering components. They are not available at all.
My brother and buddy obtained a car for the motor. They slowly took the whole car apart trying to take as much off as possible while still being able to drive it. There was essentially nothing left that wasn’t essential for it to drive. They were driving it around the block in a residential neighborhood.
Found David Tracy’s alt account
Heh. When I was a kid in the 80s, Hot Rod did a feature on the biggest (literally) sleeper motor in the junkyard, a Cadillac 472. IIRC, it was rated 375hp/500ftlb from the factory back in the day, which is squarely in LS6 territory. As a demonstration, they took an early 70s Coupe De Ville to the dragstrip and timed it – first with as many people and as much crap in it as they could manage, then empty, then they started “adding lightness.” They removed body panels and body parts a few at a time, finally ending up with nothing but a frame, a drivetrain, the steering column and steering wheel, a racing seat, and a roll bar. By the time there was nothing left to remove, what was left of the car was running low 13s, with absolutely no tinkering around with the engine.
Not me, but an Army buddy of mine. He had a Chevy Cobalt that got rear-ended on night by a drunk driver in a Silverado. I was in the passenger seat when it happened, so I know how hard his car got hit. We were stopped at a red light, doing literally zero mph, and the police estimated that the other driver was going at least 50 when he hit us. The Silverado left on a flat-bed, the other driver left in the back of a cop car, and my buddy drove his Cobalt through the guard gate and back to the barracks.
The trunk was caved in, the back glass was blown out, the bumper was dragging on the ground, and I’m pretty sure that at least one of the quarter panels was in contact with the rear tires. I followed him in my Corolla when he took it to the body shop that his insurance sent him to to get it assessed (spoiler alert: it was totaled). Just watching the bumper bounce off the pavement with every little bump was fun, but even in a state that didn’t do safety inspections, his car was the sketchiest thing I saw in my three years there.
I had a 1983 Firebird with a lot of subwoofers and associated electronics. Someone smashed the rear hatch glass to liberate the electronics from their GM prison. It was summer, so I just drove it around like this for a while. Never a cop problem (but the car still had all its lights).
After I wrecked another 3rd gen F-body, I bought a wrecked S12 200SX from a friend of mine. It had hit a tree, and the headlights were slightly pointing in at one another (and despite being flip-ups, they were permanently up. I towed it home and started it up. It drove fine, with the damage having left the steering and suspension undamaged. It had been recently wrecked, still had a clean title and still wore a valid (by the standards of the day – even then not really) state inspection sticker.
I lived near the police station, and one day I was pulled over while driving completely within legal bounds. The cop told me, “I’ve seen you driving this for weeks. I know that inspection sticker isn’t valid for this car in this condition. If I see you on the road again, I will ticket you for everything wrong with this thing.” I parked it for a few days, rounded up some replacement parts and fixed the front end (a come-along and a tree straightened so many uni-bodies back in those days). Drove it for several years after that.
It’s a tie between the 1980 Toyota Corolla that was so badly rusted there was nothing to bolt the wooden plank rear bumper to except the outer rear fender sheetmetal and it was futile to put more than 3 gallons of gas into at a time since anything more would just leak out, and the 1984 Mercury Topaz with an active brake fluid leak that had two good stops and one not-so-good one before the brake fluid needed topping up. I drove the Corolla like that for a year, but only drove the Merc with bad brakes ~ 50 miles home.
It’s a tossup, and both are mid-1980s Detroit products.
One was an ’84 Dodge Daytona with a 5MT and a base 2.2-liter engine that leaked all the oil and was slow AF. It also had super-narrow crap tires that led to its early demise.
The other was an ’86 (’87?) Oldsmobile Calais V-6 that had a failing engine computer. It would randomly drop a few cylinders, making the temp needle climb as it literally ran like hot garbage, then it would just as randomly unscrew itself and run properly. The only dash light that worked was the high-beam indicator.
For the record, I do not look back on either one fondly, even though the Calais was the first car I ever owned that had an automatic, AC, and a cloth interior – fancy!
I had a ’83 Mercury something wagon and ’89 Plymouth that both died of head gasket failures well before 80k miles. To this day I have not owned a domestic, and I don’t anticipate that will change.
It’s called a Renegade ride. BTDT. Anytime your ride is illegal, and you’re trying to just get home, Renegage ride. Anyone else is just being an asshole. Good example, new car ride home with no plates. Riding home at 5mph with only 1 lugnut. Renegade ride.
I can think of a few that I’ve been responsible for, but I’m never going to admit it on the internets.
A old as fuck forklift without hydrostatic drive (a good ol’ fashioned manual clutch!), that had zero brakes on a hilly road.
The only way to stop was to drag the forks on the ground.
Parked it next to our 90hp diesel woodchipper that had no safety stop (well, it had a fuel cutoff, but you could still chip for 30 seconds with the inertia in the blades).
Had to move the tractor next to it by shorting the starter solenoid with a pair of vice grips.
This let me grab the old pickup with the bent, twisted and very rusted frame so I could overload it with firewood or something.
Scouts honour, none of this is made up.
We had some old, beat up equipment at the Scout camp I volunteered at, but, man I miss those days.
I worked many a summer at Scout camp. Some great years in there! The camp truck was called ‘greentruck’. It was a late 80’s F150 with the 300 straight six. It would be abused every summer, put in a barn for the winter and fired right back up every June. It finally rusted out and was replaced by a 97 F150.
The worst car I drove was a Plymouth Horizon that had somehow managed to get to Arizona from Michigan. The shock towers were completely rusted through and the hood was the only thing holding the body up. I finally parked it (with the keys in it and a signed, notarized title on the seat) when it stopped turning right.
I had one of those and can confirm they were regrettable.
Mine:
* driver side door only opened from the inside
* hatch strut died so I carried a half 2×4 to prop it open
* muffler? What’s that?
* don’t worry about that head gasket, I wasn’t using it
* what do you mean coolant systems aren’t supposed to drain themselves?
I had a 69′ MBG with a bad ground and questionable brakes. It would completely die every mile or so and you’d have to open the hood and shake the alternator harness a bit then it would fire back up again.
A British car with a bad ground? To quite Vice Grip Garage, that’s factree.
A VW Thing with a sheet metal floor. Once I heard/felt a clunk, and looked to my right and watched my rear wheel pass me.
You gotta hand it to Hyundai though. They are working through their supply chain issues and getting vehicles into the hands of their buyers.
COTD?