Hello, dear reader, I have great news! You just successfully robbed a bank! You and all of your best buds managed to get 30 duffle bags of cash out of there while dressed up as the Ghostbusters. Congratulations, but now you need to put some distance between you and that vault. Unfortunately, the driver you hired didn’t quite do their job right and showed up in the worst possible vehicle. What are they driving?
The heist movie is a staple of Hollywood and if you like them like I do you’ve probably seen so many flavors of the same thing. Baby Driver is a pretty popular recent entry and features a skilled driver commanding a slick red Subaru WRX.
Triple Frontier is another one I like, not because of the plot or anything, but it’s one of a few heist movies that seemingly accurately depicts just how many bags you need to carry millions of dollars and just how heavy millions in cash actually are. The crew in that movie uses a sweet helicopter as a getaway vehicle, but the darn loot weighs so much that the chopper crashes from the load. I can’t comment on how fun the rest of the movie is, but that part alone is fascinating. Most movies just show the robbers carrying just a few bags after supposedly making off with “set for life” money.
Other movies have used memorable vehicles like an ambulance, the Mini Cooper, the BMW 7 Series, and the Chevy Impala. But, let’s flip that around. I want to know the exact wrong vehicle to use for a heist or some other reason you’d need to get out of Dodge quickly.
When I pitched this question to the Autopian crew Thomas was quick to answer with David’s old Nissan Leaf. On one hand, a Leaf is such a pedestrian choice that the cops would roll right by you without knowing. On the other hand, David’s Leaf had such bad range that you’d run out of juice while you were still in sight of the bank.
I also nominated David’s Project POStal. See, this is another vehicle the cops would never expect you to use for a heist. Nobody is going to care about a rusty former postal truck. Unfortunately, Project POStal also drove so poorly you’d probably end up getting pulled over for suspected drunk driving and then get caught. Maybe if you made the loot bags look like mail bags you’d still get away with it.
But, ultimately, I’d say the worst getaway car is probably a 2010s to early 2020s Hyundai or Kia product with a keyed ignition. With your luck, you would pop out of the bank to discover that some teenager stole your car using a USB cable. Second to that would be a Volkswagen product, because you don’t want to go into limp mode while the 5-0 are on your tail.
What do you think is the worst possible getaway car? What’s going to get you caught in record time?
Topshot GIF: Babydriver via YouTube
Um, your red Subaru, after it pukes the valve guides during the getaway.
That steam cloud from the blown head gasket will come in handy.
Subarus vape as much as their owners!
Hi-Viz yellow Trabant
Reliant Robin
This is the correct answer.
So fun story, due to meteorological circumstances beyond my control I went from a WRX wagon to a meticulously well maintained but soul crushingly boring 2005 silver Toyota Highlander. After driving that Highlander for a couple of weeks I began to realize that there are actually hundreds of thousands of those things on the road. They’re like cockroaches, they’re everywhere but you never see them. Seriously, there’s one within 3′ of you right now but you just can’t see it. I kept joking that we could rob the shit out of any bank we wanted, run to the Highlander, then just pull out of the parking lot, merge into traffic, and simply disappear from sight. I drove that thing for over a year and it was utterly reliable and easily the most boring thing I’ve ever fought to stay awake in behind the wheel.
So, to answer the question, the worst getaway vehicle would be every other vehicle I’ve owned that wasn’t a boring, silver, automatic, boring, FWD, reliable, boring, Highlander.
For many years, this was a dark green Chrysler Town and Country. You could be invisible anywhere in that from about ’95-’05, maybe even a few years later.
There’s even one behind you right now
AHHH!!!
Even better, if the getaway driver dressed like a Karen and aggressively yells at her cell phone while parked across multiple spots, coincidentally giving a straight shot out, no one will go near the car while you are robbing the bank.
A Rezvani. Maybe a Rezvani with a chrome wrap.
Considering the prompt, we’ll assume you need room for the people dressed as the ghostbusters and duffel bags, from there what would be the worst vehicle?
I would propose the ghostbuster mobile itself would be the absolute worst possible getaway car. With all the extra weight it’s hauling around, even a souped-up caddy would be slower than any pursuit vehicle and It’s instantly recognizable. Absolutely zero chance you’ll get away or misidentified.
Ooh, this makes half of Mercedes’ long-term fleet even less viable. On the other hand, the RTS might just pay for itself…
I cant imagine anything worse than an original Willys MB/Ford GPW. Extremely slow, not very stable in corners, and completely exposed.
Citroen 2CV
Unless you’re James Bond.
What if you’ve stolen Fabrige Eggs from the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts(look it up), and you need to drive them across a freshly plowed field?
Anything in David’s, Torch’s, or Mercedes’ fleet. You aren’t getting far in any of them.
Dammit, my first thought was to just point at DTs fleet.
Hey now, a couple of Mercedes’ Smarts could weave in between obstacles in a tight urban environment, and then you could just drive them up a ramp into a moving box trailer like Knight Rider did.
LOL. I’ll give you that.
In the vein of not wanting to stand out, an originally-beige 1999 Olds Cutlass rattle-canned bubble-gum pink.
My favorite Christmas movie is a poorly rated 90’s film, and it’s a heist film. The getaway/money moving vehicles are:
1980 Buick Electra Park Avenue (hot-wired)
1994 Infiniti Q45 (crashed)
1992 Ford Festiva
MCI 102 C3
Canoe
Horse and Sleigh
1994 Sedan Deville
It’s an enjoyable car movie.
I guess if I had to find something worse it would be a 1994 Viper.
Ok, I’ll bite: what movie?
Trapped in Paradise
You had me at ‘Canoe’, though any of the luxo-barges plus the Festiva would make a fine two-car garage. That’d be Paradise.
You do what you do, and I’ll do what I do.
Oscar Meyer Weinermobile.
Second choice – BMW Isetta / Subaru 360
My 1972 Fiat 500. It is bright yellow, slow, doesn’t hold much, and will strand you 1 block from the bank.
Smart fourtwo. No room for passengers or 30 duffle bags of cash.
Not exceptionally common either, and not really easily mistaken for anything else. Also, not particularly quick (except for the Hayabusa swapped ones).
Now I’m imagining my whole fleet of Smarts showing up in front of a bank. You can’t catch us all, coppers! 😀
This is the remake of The Italian Job we’ve been waiting for. The Illinois Job?
Get Smart(s)!
A Nissan S-Cargo. Slow and completely out of place everywhere it goes.
That lime green Giulia Quadrifoglo from 6 Underground is a strong candidate. That worked out so well.
I did find that scene incredibly ridiculous, secret agents driving THROUGH a museum in a lime green getaway car. In Counterpoint though, I REALLY don’t care for that Franco kid, so having him deleted from the film right at the start was a bonus.
But it was so fun to watch…
Any of the early 360cc, 2-stroke kei cars. Slow, noisy, goofy looking, often brightly colored, no room for bags of money…
We thought about the volume of cash ahead of time, so our driver was instructed to get some old v8 work van. Showed up with a Dolphin rv on a Toyota chassis because he didn’t really think about the away part of getaway
Anything real flashy or obnoxious. Aka lifted bro truck, a Rolls or Bentley, exotic, Corvette, Mustang, Camaro, Challenger.
A 4 door Charger might be good if its grey or black, those are pretty common and would blend in with traffic. Of course the fast ones are usually painted some goofy orange, red or lime green.
Around here a stock crew cab pickup truck is ideal. Can fit the whole goon squad and they are very under the radar. If you do happen to get A cop on your tail, best strategy is to run him off the road and hide/blend in with traffic. You are not outrunning several cops working together with radios, no matter how fast your car is.
You can’t outrun the Motorola.
Nope, you need to have other vehicles staged so you can switch if your initial vehicle gets ID’d.
I’m going to go with you on lifted bro truck. They’re immediately recognizable as yours, they handle like trash, they’re usually pretty loud, and getting the loot in it is more difficult with the high lift over.
Anything rare. You sprint away in a 1-of-1 Bugatti, people are going to spot you a mile away. You try a Talbot Tagora and people from here will recognize it and you’re going to be found immediately.
I will also give you the best car, which is a grey RAV4 Prime.
I’ll see your grey RAV4 and raise you a gold Camry
Up it to a Corolla.
I’m gonna argue against that. You can’t buy a new gold Camry anymore so it’s slightly more noticable than it used to be. Also the RAV4 Prime is actually very fast for a family CUV so it should get you out of tight spots with the cops – sub 6 second 0-60.
The only problem is RAV4 primes are unobtanium in a lot of markets, so you’d draw a lot of jealous stares from the soccer moms.
Just pop those Prime badges off, nobody will know.
Gray 2016ish CR-V.
Keeping David in mind, a Rusty old old Jeep FC??
King Midget.
There’s very little room for loot, it’s slow as hell, and even if you floored it and ran straight at him, the average police officer could probably just step out in front of you and tip it over by himself.
1969-1973 Imperial. Because if TV has taught me anything, it’s that the bad guys always drive an Imperial…
Mean Streets.
Ah, but isn’t this the one that’s banned from demo derbys? Seems like a good choice to move some angle-parkers out of the way.
Wouldn’t you spend most of the loot on gas before you got very far?
Lamborghini Countach. There is no worse answer.
No space for people or loot, plus a camera magnet.
It is of course, a Slightly Modified Geo Metro