Y’know, as the author of the Autopian Asks series, I’m supposed to provide the copy – it’s kind of baked into the whole “author” concept. Sometimes, however, I don’t have enough juice to supply a suitably entertaining (to me, anyway) personal history or spicy hot-take on the question of the day, so I hit up The Gang for their stories. Today was not supposed to be one of those days. Despite assuring everyone that I had today’s Autopian Asks handled with my own tale, I suspected they might have their own silly-stop stories to share. And boy did they! David alone offered three! Now all I have to do is copy-paste; happy Friday to me.
Torch
In college, I was pulled over because I was a 19-year-old kid with longish hair driving a VW Beetle. There was a Dead show around Atlanta, where I was driving, and I think I just fit a profile. I never liked the Dead. They searched my car, too, looking for drugs. Can’t cops just get their drugs from the evidence room? Anyway, they didn’t find anything though I did find out later my girlfriend at the time was carrying. I had no idea.
Another: I once drove my Beetle while it was stuck in reverse backwards through town at three in the morning to get it to a shop to fix it, and had zero cop interactions. But in LA, I’ve had my truck impounded for being a month out of registration.
Matt
I’ve only been pulled over three times in 25 years of driving and those stops mostly made sense, although I was once pulled over for crossing a double yellow into a parking spot on a normal ass road. [Ed note: I agree, this isn’t much of a story. I just like that Matt left the hyphen out of “normal ass road,” which means there’s a non-zero chance it was a “normal ass-road.” – Pete]
Thomas
I once got pulled over because my license plates were too new for the ALPR system. I had a back seat full of winter tires, an exhaust leak the size of a baseball, no license plate light because it had rotted off, and I was driving an Ontario-registered car that the ministry accidentally registered to an address I didn’t even live at anymore, on a BC license … and they just let me go without even so much as a warning.
Stephen
Pulled twice for drugs (no drugs found either time), but mostly for being a kid in a rusty ’84 Cougar and a ’96 LHS. “Pulled” once for being a potential mass shooter. I pulled up to a beach bar by the pedestrian barricades and pulled a mic stand out of the trunk of my New Yorker for a beach bar gig. Sheriffs mistook it for a long gun and had me on my knees with a gun to my back in 30 sec. “DROP THE WEAPON!”
“It’s a mic stand! I’m a musician!”
Laurence
Last year my partner and I were on a backroad and late to a mate’s wedding in Project Cactus. We were going down a long straight into a valley and I wasn’t watching my speed. The one time I let the speed creep up, and of course there was a highway patrol car parked in the valley. I pulled over right after I went past him before he even put his lights on. The cop came up to my window and just laughed. He said “I had to check the radar a few times to make sure, didn’t think this thing could get over 100kmh!” We had a chat about what Project Cactus is and he let me off with a warning since I pulled over before he even turned his lights on. Of all the road trips I’ve done in that ute, taking it into the centre of Brisbane and everything, my one cop interaction is on an abandoned backroad when the cop was probably having a nap!
David
1. I was once pulled over for literally no reason. I had just been off-roading with my brother in my 1992 Jeep Cherokee XJ, which was already a bit old and rusty. Add the mud to it, and I looked both poor and a bit, I dunno, adventurous. Regardless of what looked like, I wasn’t doing anything wrong – I was just sitting in my car in a northern Michigan hotel parking lot taking a bit of a break. I pulled out of the lot, got the reds and blues, and the cop asked me for my license. I asked why he’d pulled me over, he raised his voice: “LICENSE AND REGISTRATION.” He then later gave it back and stated his reason: “You were looking suspicious.”
2. I got pulled over for doing 40 in a 40. Both cops ran to my car on either side and beamed flashlights into my eyes. Why would driving the speed limit get me pulled over? Because there was an inch of snow on the ground and I drove past a cop. This was the situation that made me lose faith in the American judicial system; I had great tires on my Jeep, tons of snow-driving experience, and an inch of snow wasn’t causing any significant handling issues. When I fought the ticket in court, they agreed to take the three points off my license but made me pay $190. Why? Because the damn magistrate was friends with the cop! The judge asked me “Did you or did you not drive past officer [what’shisname]” and when I responded with “Yes, but …” he cut me off and said, “We’re done here.” What an absolutely pathetic judge, pathetic cop, and pathetic system there in Troy.
3. On i-75 in Michigan, no drivers observe the speed limit of 70 MPH. Everyone does closer to 80. Everyone. If you were to use a radar gun, you’d probably find that 95% of all cars are doing over 75. That’s just how it is. One day I noticed that I was driving past everyone, and I was only doing 77. “What the?” I wondered. Then I saw it: There was a cop at the front of this big line of cars, and no car ahead of him for miles. “This is strange,” I thought. I set my cruise control for 71 MPH, and I slowly, slowly, SLOWLY passed the officer who IMMEDIATELY pulled me over to fulfill what was simply a power trip. Look, I appreciate cops and what they do for our communities, but in Michigan, especially driving my old junky cars, police were extremely unfair towards me (and I’m sure to many, many others — I hate to even think about what others have had to deal with), and it was simply unacceptable.
Your turn! What’s The Dumbest Reason You’ve Been Pulled Over?
Top image: framestock/stock.adobe.com
Jersey Village, TX, circa 1992.
I had driven my 1990 Ford F150 XLT Lariat extended cab to school, like I always did. (Yes, I had a 2 year old truck, and YES, I paid for it.)
Someone who was not quite as financially responsible determined that my tailgate, complete with stainless plate and fill width reflector would fetch a nice premium wherever they could fence the damn thing. So, thanks to Ford’s easy removal scheme, they helped themselves to a speedy payday whilst I was in school doing scholarly things, which meant I was day dreaming about boning a couple of cheerleaders.
Regardless, when I went to leave, I saw that my truck was now missing a rather substantial portion. No big thing, it’s not undrivable, this will get sorted….elsewhere.
I went to leave, and one of Jersey Village’s finest sworn upholders of the law pulled me over.
“Uhhhh, I was exiting the lot at 6 MPH. Could you elaborate on what, exactly, I did?”
“You’re operating an open bed vehicle with no tailgate in place. That’s against the law here, we’re going to have to cite you for this.”
“But there’s nothing in the bed!”
“The law is the law.”
I CAN say that I took in a receipt for a new tailgate, and the claim documents from my insurer, and the judge not only let me off, but also asked if I wanted to press charges for harassment.
Jersey Village never changes. When I was 16 JVPD pulled me over when I took my mom’s newly delivered station wagon over to the gas station for power steering fluid (dealers sucked then, too). Gets me out of the car and does a thorough search; I suppose he was disappointed that there wasn’t even a gum wrapper in the ashtray or anything in the glovebox other than the owner’s manual, much less the maryjawanna he was so sure I had. In Mom’s new wagon with paper plates and the window sticker still on it. Riiiiiiight.
I KNEW someone else around here knew of the infamous Jersey Village. I remember so many times, they’d have a couple of cars waiting near the school to get “low hanging fruit.”
Got pulled over for 70 in a 35.
Judge didn’t believe the cop when he wrote down my topaz was doing 70mph within a very short block from a red light. It’s a topaz not 911 turbo.
Let’s ignore all the times I did something too batshit for a judge to find it plausible. Like 60mph in a 25 drifting where the front 1/2 was in the dirt and the back 1/2 in my lane as the cop came around the corner. Car loved to drift as the back loved to wander off while front obeyed the front wheels. So standing on the gas while driving where your seat was with the wheel was the proper way to deal with it. Mind the dirt perhaps was as grippy as the antique polished glass that was pavement.
Was coming home at around 1 AM after watching a couple of movies at a friend’s house. When I hit the top of the offramp, I fully stopped, but then punched it a little bit to get the rear end around on the left turn and hit the gas. I was definitely a bit over the 55 mph limit on the rural road when I saw the car that was coming the other direction pass by me, execute a swift U-turn, and light me up. After pulling over immediately, the officer walked up to the car, shined the flashlight in my face, and asked (in a rather loud and aggressive voice), “Have you been drinking?!!.
I answered, “A little, but much earlier in the evening”.
He came back with, “What’s that mean?!!”
And I said, “I had a beer around 7:00.” Which was a little less than true. I’d had a couple of beers but none after about 9.
And then he got all smiley and jovial, saying, “Well you were going 62 and the limit is 55. Want to see the radar?”
I grumblingly declined and he wrote the ticket.
When I went to traffic school to get the ticket off of my record, the CHP sergeant who was running it asked what got us into the school. When I stated the it was for doing 62 in a 55 zone, he rolled his eyes and said, “Now there’s a federal offense”.
Most recent time I was pulled over was a few years back, on an infamous stretch of what’s just called “Back Road” – 2/3 scale canyon road overlooking the farms with a 50km/h speed limit that was either followed religiously, or doubled, with no in-between. At the time I was definitely in the latter camp, although there were so few people who used that road, risks were… acceptable for a young guy in his fancy new (to him) VW CC. That day I didn’t even mean to go that fast, I had been stuck behind someone going about 10 under for a while, so when they turned off I let the 2.0T do its thing up to about 60… right as a cop rounded the hill (in the last crown vic in RCMP service, I recently found out!)
I got reamed out, which even at the time I was like “yeah no point in fighting this, I fucked up I’m so sorry.” Took my ticket and the demerits on my license – practically in tears. It definitely did change my perspective and it was the first step towards calming my driving habits.
What’s fucked up is my friend at the time took his V6 Mustang down the same road and got clocked doing over 140km/h. Cop walks up to his window, leans in. “Hey man… I don’t think I need to tell you that’s way too fast. You could lose your car for this. BUUTTTTT if I had a ride like this, I’d probably do the same.”
Guy got let off with a verbal warning and had the nerve to bitch about it
I had an officer drive right beside me in the left lane for ten minutes as I was driving north of Myrtle Beach, SC. When I eventually sped up, he pulled me over for going faster than him. I explained that I was only going a few miles per hour over the speed limit and did so because it seemed dangerous for us to be that close for that amount of time. He said “yeah, but you went faster than me. You’re not allowed to do that.”
North of Myrtle FTW!
(Posting this from The Cape Fear)
I honestly enjoy visiting the Cape Fear/Wilmington area immensely. My company has a number of facilities in the region and I stop over for a weekend or more when I can. We were just in Southport for a weekend in October.
When I was 16 got pulled over by a Colorado State Trooper.
Who had known me well for over 2 years. Why? Because I gassed up his damn car or his motorcylcle almost every day at the station I worked at after school.
He had already given me 2 tickets and another warning for driving without a license at age 14, 14, and 15. Which I had to appear in court for.
(my parental units had recently begun divorce proceedings)
My Dad was a sheriff and knew this trooper well.
But my Dad also had a bad habit of tossing me the car keys and sending me to the store because he was a lazy ass. So the second ticket at age 14 was while I was driving an official Sheriff Dept vehicle. No ticket issued cause he knew how pissed off my Dad would be at him for that sort of shit.
The third time this trooper got me I was test driving his State issued Harley and passed him going the other way. We had just put new plugs in it at the shop.
Age 16…
So this time he gets me as I pull into the school parking lot.
Walks up to the car and asks “I almost hate to ask, but are you fucking 16 yet?”
I laughed, said yeah, and he walked back to the cruiser shaking his head.
Never asked to see my license.
But gave me 3 bogus tickets in the next 12 months which resulted in a 6 month suspension. Asshole.
These are the risks of living in an extremely small town…
I had just left court (fighting a speeding ticket from a cop who lied and said I was doing 135 in a 100 km/h zone when I was actually doing 120 – I lost) and literally 4 blocks away I got pulled over. Cop spent 45 minutes “checking” everything he could find but couldn’t get me on anything. I asked why he pulled me over and he said the make and model badges on my car were missing, They were – I had removed them as I was doing bodywork and there was primer on the car. He claimed that this was one of the first things people did when stealing a car and he needed to make sure I hadn’t stolen it. I am still convinced his buddy whose ticket I fought arranged this to hassle me for making him show up in court.
Griffin here with an aggressively LA story: I was driving to Stagecoach with some friends, one of which is a very famous actress, Poppy McCarthy (not her real name).
Poppy was on the phone with her agent about the next project she was gonna star in, so I drove while she was on the phone. Well, we learned the hard way that Poppy’s assistant hadn’t updated her tags while Poppy was abroad shooting her last show, so we got pulled over for expired tags which was actually the first time I was pulled over while driving the car myself.
I was a solid 7/10 on the nervous scale considering my, yanno, genetics and skin tone and such in America, plus the whole “driving a car I’m not insured on that’s already in the wrong, legally” thing. Thankfully for all of us, the cop recognized Poppy and loved her work so he issued a lesser fix it ticket and we were on our way!
In summary: be friends with famous people; it could get you out of legal trouble. Cheers y’all
It wasn’t foggy but I thought having the extra front fog lights on looked cool. The police didn’t. My attempt at pretending at first I hadn’t noticed made him laugh slightly in disbelief! Yeah, it’s not the sort of thing you can do by accident. After a quick exchange I turned them off and was allowed to carry on.
I got pulled over by a state trooper, who thought that the riding lawn mower that I had just dropped off (specifically a Cub Cadet) to a repair shop was stolen. And not just stolen, but that I had stolen it from up the street. I had to sit there and poke holes in his thought as to why it would make no sense that I would steal a person’s lawn mower, and then take it up the street to the shop.
Must not have anything else better to do that day.
Were you in Ohio?
That state for some reason has strange goings on involving riding mowers!!LMAO
Nope, oddly enough, Michigan.
Close enough!!lol
Ok not completely unwarranted but when I was living with my mom in VA she lived on the other side of an actual national forest from the town where we worked/got pizza/rented movies, through this national forest the umarked paved road became gravel for several miles, and like 1 and 1/2 lanes, along with a no posted speed limit which meant county standard limit which I believe was 50 at the time, we’re talking rural.
So I’m coming home from work, dry road full daylight, and get behind what I presume to be a tourist as they’re going mid-30s ish on the paved before the gravel, and I’m like, I can’t follow these people the next 5 miles, they’ll crawl when they hit gravel, so go to pass. As I do I see a sheriff coming the other way and am like craaaap, so I slam on my brakes to get back in line, the car I’m passing slams on their brakes, we’re in a race to see who can slow down faster and, no abs so I get a tiny fishtail and leave some marks but stay straight, stop and the car I was passing stopped.
The sheriff gets to where we’re at, puts on the flashers, gives me a ticket, and says I have to go to court to fight it, I’m like what? He’s like “You lost control back there, that’s for reckless driving” I’m sitting here like what? Whatever.
So show up to court, sheriff shows up too, we go before the judge I explain what happened and the judge looks to the deputy and asks “how close did he get to you?” And the cop’s like “Me? Oh not at all close.”, points removed, still had to pay over $100, and also waste of time going to court.
For having a car full of teenage girls on a summer Saturday night. I really wonder if the Skokie police just wanted to perve on the girls. We supposedly ‘matched the description’ of some burglary suspects. Yeah, sure officer, I believe you.
You’re supposed to use enough ether that they’re all quiet back there in the trunk.
They were all my friends. Which is another way of saying I wasn’t getting any. Ether might have indeed helped, but that’s just not how I rolled. I was always looking for true love and I hear rape generally isn’t conducive to such.
Although, ironic you should joke, as date rape was absolutely epidemic at that time (Sixteen Candles was recently released), but it usually involved Boone’s Farm or vodka sold in a plastic container which I guess is a small step up from ether.
I’m not sure if Boone’s Farm is a step up from Ether, or not….I may have to find someone who’s tried both, and ask, I guess.
Since we know just about everyone has had some Boone’s, now we just someone to try ether. Hey Mikey!
“Illegal” left turn.
The real story is up until a few days before that turn had been perfectly legal but the rich asshole NIMBYS who lived on that street wanted it privatized as much as possible. So they convinced the city to forbid turns onto that street from XXPM to YYPM to cock block the commuters of which I was one.
Of course the local PD immediently set up a trap to catch everyone who did not know about the change and missed the tiny sign posted where nobody would see it. No warnings, we all got citations. Being new to this kind of bullshit I had no idea it was possible to fight so I just paid the damn thing. Other people who knew better fought and a few months later the restriction was overturned. But of course I did not get my money back.
Driving to a ski area on some non-major highway roads while it was snowing, we pulled over in a turnout area debate whether to put chains on or not. While we were discussing it, a cop showed up and proceeded with the license/registration thing. We explained what that we stopped to put on chains. The cop then proceeded to yell that we passed the chains-required sign back yonder. We said that we could not read any signs as they were all covered with snow. His response was that he had cleaned off the sign with his bare hands and cited us. He conveniently forgot that we got to the turn out BEFORE he cleaned off the sign. He gave us a moving violation even though we were stopped. Idiot.
Not really pulled over, but I got grilled by a Canada customs officer wondering why a car with New Mexico plates was entering via ferry at Victoria. He was polite about it, so I asked him what’s the deal with New Mexico vehicles. Apparently Canadians fly all the way down to New Mexico to buy cars and RVs and then drive them up to Canada to resell them there. Maybe he was confusing New Mexico with Mexico?
Not unheard of, took over a month to get a little rust on a bare steel hood. So in theory most stuff is rust free. Also school busses are often exported there as they ?had? A 13 year age limit and other states didn’t. So got to meet people who wanted an old bus because it could do another decade or so before it timed out of service again.
I was driving an RX-8 in a 40 mph zone and being tailgated by an old Mercury Tempo. The light turned yellow, and while I could have stopped with the Mazda’s light weight and oversized brakes, there was no way the junker behind me would have managed it. I rolled through the yellow and the light turned red as I was crossing out of the intersection; a cop at the cross street immediately lit me up. (The Tempo managed to stop, but not until he was blocking the cross walk)
“Do you know why I pulled you over?”
“Why did you pull me over?” (never answer that question, it’s a trap)
“You almost ran that red light.”
“I’m sorry, I almost ran the red light? Can you please tell me exactly what I did to break the law there?”
“Your rear wheels were exiting the intersection when it turned red.”
“Under state law, I can’t enter the intersection on a red signal, but you just said I was leaving the intersection when it turned red. Did the law change? Can you tell me which law I broke to justify being pulled over?”
“Well…. uh.. in my book the tie goes to the runner.”
“I have no idea what that means, can you please clarify for me if I broke the law or not?”
“Yeah, uh, the tie goes to the runner I guess. You can go.”
This was shortly after this PD started widespread use of video recording from the car and audio recording of traffic stops (body cams were not really a thing yet). As soon as he explained what he saw we both realized that he just admitted to not having cause. I was let go without a warning; but if he pressed with a ticket, I would have gotten those recordings and fought it.
I turned on my high beams going through a fog bank just as a state police officer was cresting the hill I was ascending from the other side. He thought I had intentionally tried to blind him due to unfortunate timing. But that isn’t the worst part.
I was completely naked.
Now, why was I naked? Well, y’see, I had just left a pool party a few minutes earlier. It was past midnight, the fog was setting in, everyone was either smashed or tired, and so quite a few of us decided to leave. Me being the dumbass I was forgot to bring anything other than the shoes, swimming trunks, and shirt I was wearing, the latter two of which I had entered the pool wearing. To keep the interior of my truck from getting completely soaked and smelling like mould from then on I stripped everything off, laid the towel lengthwise from the headrest to the edge of the seat, and covered my shame with the gym bag that said towel was previously in and which now contained my soaking wet clothes.
The state police officer clearly thought I was some sort of freak, but the fact that I was still soaking wet got me out of an indecent exposure charge.
Pulling out of a parking lot and heading left. As I got to the left turn lane and tried to merge, car in the travel lane sped up, so I sped up for a few seconds. he sped up again, so I slowed down so I could get behind him and out of the left turn lane. Captain A-hole then SLOWS DOWN to block me. So I slow to a crawl and then see rollers behind me. Cop says I was “racing” in the turn lane. I explained what happened, and thank goodness he believed me – he got back in his car and raced up the road, when I eventually saw he had pulled over the moron who was blocking me. Hope he enjoyed it.
I got pulled over in my Genesis Coupe for driving in a residential area.
(It was lowered, had a carjacking exhaust, and NEON pink wheels)
He said I need to be courteous driving in residential areas cause some people work shift work. Then immediately noted that I was driving respectfully. I told him I also work shift work and understand fully.
Then I handed him my paperwork and the license, registration, and insurance all had different addresses. (I was a nomad for a while, moved 13 times in 10 years).
He said “Seriously? Not even 2 match? Sort this shit out!” and gave me a written warning.
Pic of said car: https://flic.kr/p/ff8ynS
I was driving down a pitch black 2-lane country highway going under the 60 mph speed limit and staring hard at the shoulders for deer and elk, when a blinding set of headlights came up behind me at ramming speed and didn’t hit the brakes until seemingly inches from my bumper. There was zero other traffic oncoming or otherwise so I assumed they’d pass, but they just stayed there right on my ass. You probably know exactly where this is going, but I was pretty young at the time so I sped up a bit. The headlights pulled right up to my bumper again and I sped up again. And again. And then the roof lights came on: speeding.
16 year old me – long ago. Going too fast down a multi level spiral ramp in a parking garage, screeching tires the entire way. cop waiting at the bottom of the ramp. I got off with a warning (maybe he was envious). Car was a 1980 Green Volvo 240 wagon.
Early 90s in North Canton, OH where it was well known the cops were a$$holes, I got pulled over for my registration tags on my license plate being four MINUTES expired, and I still got the ticket even though I had the new stickers and registration in the glovebox but just hadn’t put them on yet!
I was also the passenger in a friend’s car in North Canton, OH again and my friend got pulled over and ticketed for going a little bit over the double yellow line TO AVOID A COP ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD, which is the same cop who then pulled him over and gave him the ticket!
Maybe not for dumb reasons, but the daft “do you know how fast you were going?” Question grinds my gears.
Yeah, at the speeds I may or may not have been going: it doesn’t really matter what I say. Just tell me, and tell me how much the damage is so we can both go on with our day.
I’ve fallen into that trap before. Long ago I had a bad day, and leaving work I blew through a questionable light doing about 10 mph over the speed limit.
I got pulled over, when he got the car he asked me if I knew why he pulled me over. I responded “probably because I blew through that light and I was going too fast.”
He just stares back at me for a few seconds before replying “you have a headlight out”.
He graciously only wrote me up for the headlight.
Reminds me of Kramer on Seinfeld:
“Why don’t you just tell me the movie you want to see?”
I was following too close to a semi on a freeway in MI. (I clearly was not). But then he really started grilling me about why I was driving a car with Texas plates in Michigan (because that’s where I lived), where I was going (to my dad’s retirement party in Detroit), and why my car had no backseat (because I took them out of my Honda Fit for autocross racing / extra comfort for dogs). Then he started talking about this being a major drug trafficking route. OK….
He finally quit with the leading questions after I had to show him the damn retirement party invite which thankfully was on my phone. What a prick. Thank you sir, have a nice day.
A former roommate inherited a decent chunk of change and decided he would only buy toys that were collectibles enough to still be of similar value when he was done with them. Our house had a lot of pinball machines and one Ferrari 308.
We got pulled over in the Ferrari multiple times just so the cops could admire it. Our favorite was when we were just cruising at low speed through downtown and were pulled over for “driving a Ferrari like a Ferrari”.