Until now, Wrenching Wednesday has been a Members-only deal (not to be confused with Members Only, which is a different kind of cool). But great news: With the introduction of Only Fanbelts, Wrenching Wednesday is free for everyone!
This means that every Wednesday we’ll be talking about wrenching right here in the comments of The Autopian, and today’s topic — thought of by our very own Jason Torchinsky – is one near and dear to my heart. It’s about janky repair jobs, and as some of you might know: I’m the king of that ish.
If you don’t believe me, check out how I “repaired” the failed fuel pump on this 1958 Willys FC-170:
That’s right: A wooden pole shoved into the bedside, a strangely round jerry can tied to it via a J-bolt and some 550 cord, and a rubber hose. Absurd, but it worked!
On the way home from the zoo, the Yugo decided that trouble-free operation felt too weird so the shift linkage vanished. I bodged up a fix with 2 hose clamps and a rock and we made it home. pic.twitter.com/25PWyfq4fn
— Jason Torchinsky (@JasonTorchinsky) November 27, 2021
We can’t forget about the time Jason fixed his Yugo shift linkage with a literal rock! That led to this clever Tweet by Peter — a tweet that ultimately led The Autopian to hire this brilliant now-Managing-Editor:
And don’t forget when Jason used a pen and garden hose for his throttle cable linkage:
And does Jason chainsawing a battery count as a janky fix? (Or a fix at all?).
Then there’s Peter, whose latest bodge happened when his mower’s carburetor-opening cable broke. As Pete noted, it’s not really a throttle cable, as it just holds the carb wide open – which allowed for a very simple fix. “I just cut it down and used a Vice Grip to do the job the cable housing had been performing.”
Nice and janky, there.
I have about 9,000 other examples of janky fixes, but none is as fun as the jerry can-on-a-stick. So tell us: What was your own most ridiculous repair that actually, somehow, worked?
EA81 Subaru wagon 4wd. Crunched one end of the ‘ moustache bar’ securing the differential up into the rotted unibody. Spent some considerable time on the icy ground underneath with the come along pulling the RR tire into approximate place and jack getting ride height. Always carried cable to get myself out, so used a fair length wrapped here&there and secured with the J-hooks to make it safe to crawl home.
Checked it the next day—then continued to drive it to work (not 4wheeling) as was for quite awhile.
Jank—but pretty solid jank.
A steel soup can, two hose clamps and some type of high temperature adhesive.
I needed to repair the exhaust pipe on my TJ between the catalytic converter and the muffler the night before departure and didn’t have the time to do the job properly. The fix lasted for five years almost to the day.
Exhaust on my old Rabbit broke in 1/2 on a narrow rural stretch. Couple miles later, pulled into a gas station where my ever-helpful gf quaffed a double-deuce can so I’d have material to make up the 4ish inch gap in piping.
Wielded an old pair of medical scissors & applied a couple hose clamps and we motored on. It even lasted at least a couple weeks till I could afford to get it properly repaired
People are wrong when they argue about what makes a “real” Jeep, it is janky repairs. Once it has a janky repair it is a real Jeep.
The transmission in my ’71 Fiat 128 was borked by a mechanic such that when shifting into Reverse, it would get stuck in Second gear. The fix was to push the shift rod back into place, so I drilled a hole in the transmission cover where the rod was located and closed it with a self-tapping screw. Remove the screw, use a blunted nail to push the shift rod back, replace screw, replace nail on dashboard. Sold the car that way and (shame shame) didn’t tell the new owner. Got a call from the new owner about a week later, which rightfully freaked me, but it was about paperwork, not the transmission.
The gas pedal in our first-year VW Rabbit was really loose and hard to control, so I added a piece of foam under the pedal to provide some resistance. Traded it in with that in place.
When the throttle cable snapped on my twin carb Honda CB350 I tied the end of a piece of string to each throttle lever and ran it over the gas tank. Each end to one carb. I could control the throttle like a rodeo rider with my right hand under the string. I could adjust the throttle by pulling up, and balance them by twisting my hand. Worked well!
I used a rubber band to fix the transmission shift cable in a Suburban.
The 02-06 Chevy trucks have a design flaw – the transmission shift cables are attached to the transmission with a little rubber grommet that hold the cable on with nothing more than friction. The grommets, as one would expect, wear out. and when they do, the cables slip off the transmission, ending the ability to shift. This is sub-optimal, not matter when it occurs. A simple pin or clip would eliminated the failure point, but I digress.
The repair, effected in a parking lot on a Sunday morning, was to slip the cable with the well-worn grommet back onto the pin, and secure it to the shift lever with the aforementioned rubber band. This held well for the subsequent 1000 mile trip home, and provided me a bit of amusement when I took the car to my mechanic.
FWIW, instead of replacing the cable as suggested by Chevrolet, the grommets can be obtained on ebay. $5 fix instead of a $300 fix.
Same thing, 04 avalanche, decided to see where a trail led on the mainland just coming back from the Florida keys. That would be the everglades, got high centered in a mud hole, at dusk. Jacks and some wood, manually shifted it into drive. Mosquitoes like mad, rustling in the bushes, gf jumped put of her skin. (Gator country, me under the truck in 2 feet of sandy mud) got out of the mud pit. Under again for reverse and again for drive. Drove back to new york with harbor freight tiny vice grips holding it together and for probably a year after. Got new part for shifter. For some reason it wouldn’t work. Think it was the cable end was I’d. Nope, not replacing it. Drilled it out, bolt held loosely with nut for movement, double nut and loctite. Been that way for the last 2 years.
F’d not I’d. F’n autocorrect
Not the junkies by a mile. Also drive an 04 kia optima. If you’ve ever done a fuel pump on one you know. 8 tiny little studs with 5.5 mm nuts+ buffalo road salt. Self tapping screws and great stuff underneath, top side slathered in silicone, house not rtv, that shit ‘spensive. Return line top of sending unit looks like a volcano of jb weld, supply line from pump to top of unit is armor clad brake line, also jb’d. Rubber lines and hose clamps. 400 bucks for a tank? I think not. Just never put more than a half tank in it. Good as gold
Jankiest not junkies. Ugh
And never replace a converter for rust holes. Jb makes a high heat, think it’s inferno something, comes in a jar. Clean the rust, goop it on, stainless steel mesh, coat again twice, it’ll outlive the vehicle
After it broke off mid trip, I reattached the gearshift mount to the back of the transmission on my ‘88 Volvo 240 using a strip of aluminum, hose clamps, and oodles of JB Weld. That was six years ago. Still going strong.
Had a beater geo metro before I got the Insight. Exhaust center section came undone and started dragging. I stopped and walked to the only store in sight and bought a notebook. Came back to the car and undid the center metal spiral, straitened it out and used it to tie the exhaust back up to the car to limp home.
Felt like James Bond.
Back when I was commuting in the big green truck, one day it decided to disconnect its own throttle linkage – in the middle of stop-and-go rush hour traffic. All it would do was idle, and I was on an overpass. I got it up to 15 MPH at idle in top gear until I got back to terra firma, then pulled over to investigate.
The end of the throttle cable had simply slipped off the throttle body lever, but its little retaining clip was gone. I reconnected the cable, but was afraid it would just fall off again, so I went digging in the glovebox for a zip-tie. No such luck. What I did have however, was a roll of electrical tape. It wouldn’t stick to the grimy, gunky throttle arm – but it would stick to itself. I made a long string out of the tape, and tied it in a double knot around the linkage end.
About a week later, I shifted from first to second pulling away from a stoplight, and the shifter went loose in my hand. The lever just spun around without actually doing anything. I wiggled it a little more, and the whole thing lifted right out! Fortunately I hadn’t yet gotten to the decision point that would have put me back on the freeway, so I turned and took surface streets home – at 25 MPH, in second gear the whole way,
The culprit? A sheared-off steel roll pin at the base of the shift lever. It just wore through. In order to be able to drive to the hardware store to replace it, I temporarily used a plastic drywall anchor and a big wood screw. Hey, it worked for as long as I needed it to.
I was about to leave on a two week trip in my BMW 633csi when it suddenly wouldn’t idle and started running badly. In a Lowes parking lot I replaced the idle air control valve with a kitchen water valve, complete with its bright red painted round metal handle.
It actually worked better than the original valve ever had and made it very easy to adjust the idle when needed. It was still on the engine working fine when I sold the car several years later.
Maybe not my jankiest repair – but certainly my favorite janky repair!
The moonroof was leaking on my 87 Integra, but not from yhe sear. Water was running down inside to roof to the screw for the sun visor. I tried everything I could think of to get it to stop, and then finally just hit the area with a mess of spray foam. Problem partially solved.
Later on I was able to pull the sunroof without unbolting it because the structure holding it in place had rotted. My dad saw that and said “sell it.”
The problem was likely a clogged drain hole along the underside of the car, about four inches back from the wheel well. Hondas and Acuras tend to accumulate dirt there. You just poke it with a large paper clip and the water comes pouring out.
1991 Honda Beat. Running errands with one of my kids, came back to the car and the brake lights were on. Then I remembered I found some odd rubber bits on the floorboard at the previous stop.. so I quickly figured that rubber was the little nub that presses the brake switch. Well crap.
Look in the glove box and found some zip ties and a suction cup. Cut a bit of the end off that Lil sucker and pulled some gymnastics to get in to that tight spot. 2 years later it’s still working just great. Future owner should be amused
I was at the track a few years ago and the housing around the throttle cable on my MR2 started melting to the cable and making it stick. So, we go to Tractor Supply (unsung hero of the Utah Motorsports Campus) and get a length of steel cable. Cut the old throttle cable, remove the usable sheathing, then string it on the new cable with the barrels of a sharpie and bank pen subbing in for the melted section. Wrap it in electrical tape, reinstall, and I ran all Sunday on a throttle cable strung like a kid’s macaroni necklace.
Besides the obvious coat hangers to fix a dragging exhaust and unlock cars… I did a “fix” on an International Scout with an automatic. The shifter was completely stuck! Rust, non-functional safety switch, no idea, I fished the shift cable out through the back of the selector on the trans hump and used a pair of vice grips to shift. Pull back once for reverse, etc.
I think my grandpa takes the prize on these though, his auto trans went out of one of his old Chevys so he put in a 4spd manual, with a clutch pedal made out of metal pipe and the shifter was cut through the floor and it had a doorknob as a shifter. Still has the auto shifter on the column which just kinda hung there and bounced all over when he hit bumps in the road.
My BMW E53 X5 coolant overflow tank cracked… It was fiberglass, it thankfully cracked not disintegrated.. some JBWeld putty + duct tape later.. The tank held well enough for me to get home. After that, I always carry a spare tank, thermostat + hoses. One of those rare instances I like the clip on hoses, make road side repairs a little bit easier.
Those tanks last about 3 – 5 years, so it is just easier to have a spare.
Oh boy. Someday I will tell the incredible story of my brother and I making our 400 mile journey back to college one snowy afternoon. Just so many thing went wrong starting with frozen slush pulling the wires out of the fuel pump.
Some highlights:
1) Drying out a wet distributor cap under the hand dryers at a rest stop.
2) Wrapping the inside of the rotor with electrical tape due to carbon tracks/cracks.
3) Completely blowing off the janky flex pipe exhaust right at the manifolds due to a misfire.
4) Only able to keep the engine running at WOT (including gas stops) while driving through a snow storm.
I’ve definitely done the whole strings through the windows attached to the wipers after my wiper motor went (in a 91 2dr 5spd Cherokee!). It worked for rain but it did not work for the cop who pulled me over.
I also fixed the loose hanging front bumper on the same jeep by ramming it into a tree. That fix lasted the rest of the life of the jeep.
I can’t take credit for it but the jankiest ever heard of was from a couple of my HS buddies who foolishly tried to climb Mt Shasta in February. Predictably they failed and when they returned to the car, an early 1970s Datsun 510, they discovered the clutch hydraulic fluid was gone.
So, stuck in a freezing parking lot with nobody around for miles, no money and way to call for help (this was WAY before cellphones) they poured maple flavored corn syrup into the master cylinder and pumped it till they got some action.
It worked well enough to get back to San Jose but the next day everything had gummed up. Fortunately these were the kind of guys who kept a library of junkyard spare parts so the car was back on the road in a couple of hours.
Two contenders come to the top of my head right away, a 2″ C clamp has been holding the shifter cable on the selector tab on the transmission for about 3 years now, on my 91 Riviera that I swapped an 03 SC 3800 into, a new cable is in a box waiting to be installed with a host of other new parts it needs. But it’s worked all this time meanwhile.
Another is when my 05 Acura RL started having weird voltage issues, I found both battery cable terminals stretched, tried bending them back to fit snug and they just couldn’t anymore, so to fix it while I was waiting for new cables, I took a 1/2″ conduit hanger strap and cut the “wings” if you will off of the ends, the half circle remaining was just perfect to fit around the battery post and act as a better shim than the lead style ones they sell in retail stores. I didn’t need to replace the cables probably, but I try to eventually fix things the right way and who knows what corrosion lied inside the old wire jacket.
Same, used a few inches of bare copper wire, cranked er down
My jankiest and funniest car story is when I had a 70’s Audi Fox wagon I got for $100 total. The accelerator cable broke so I hooked some small rope up to the throttle from the engine, out the hood, and through the driver’s window and pulled it to accelerate. I drove it home on back roads the whole way and the brakes weren’t very good either. It lasted 6 months and then sold to junkyard for $25 so it was a $75 car
So many stories from attempting to race an 86 XT turbo and later swap a WRX drivetrain into it. My favorite is “The Pushkinator”… 1 hour after we’re supposed to head to the track we finally get the car to start and run well. We get the trailer in place to load up the car. That’s when we realize the clutch fork moves the opposite direction between the two cars and we need to push instead of pull the fork. I whip up a bracket that bolts up between the bell housing and starter that you attach the clutch cable to and simply guessed a 3:1 reduction ratio would work well. So one end of the clutch cable attaches to the lever on the bracket, and on the other side of the pivot is a pipe welded on to it that pushes the clutch fork. Turned out to have the best clutch pedal feel I’ve ever experienced so we ran this and its copies for 8 engines and 4 transmissions rather than convert to a hydraulic system.
How did the wrx swap go?
Loved my 87 XT with the joystick shifter complete with 4wd button on the top—but, even fuel injected, it wasn’t fast.
I think you’ll find that is a standard use case for locking pliers, along with replacing broken window cranks and clamping exhaust flanges together as a roadside fix after the studs rusted off and disappeared. To, uh, choose a completely random example. 😐
If I may be so bold: search Amazon for “auxiliary fuel tank”; these are already a thing. 🙂 I use one to get bikes running in the absence of the actual fuel tank, and one YouTuber (@TheBeardedMechanic) hangs his from an IV stand that a fan sent him,
Vice grips can also stand in for a missing alternator bolt on the adjustment side in a 280zx.
-and do it well enough to still be there when it was traded in a year later
1970 lull high lift loader, 225 slant six. Carter bbs carburetor was pissing gas. Float was stuck. Carb was full of rust. Turns out the tank was letting water in thru the fuel level sender gasket. Probably why the gas keeps disappearing in the summer, thought I just put 5 gallons in last time I ran it. Hmmmm. This never leaves the shop and no way in putting 20 gallons of non ethanol in it, gets maybe 5-10 hours use a year. Snowblower tank, plastic. Holds maybe 3/4 gallon. I get 15-20 minutes out of it. Good enough
Not one I personally did, but when I was a kid my parents went on a roughly month long trip overseas. Prior to leaving us with our Grandma who barely drove, Dad “fixed” the accelerator linkage on our 77 Chevette (4 speed of course) with a pair of Vice Grips. It held up, to be fair.
Eh, nothing crazy. Used a zip-tie to fasten the third brake like back onto my car’s hatch.
Currently looking into a small heater for the extremely rare cold outing, so I don’t have to spend $2500 to replace the heater core, arguably the very first thing fastened to the interior of the car. 150 steps taking everything off and 150 steps putting it all back on? No thanks.
And how does a heater core suddenly start leaking coolant into the car’s interior?? This was over ten years ago, but still.
Heater cores are located inside the car’s interior and are fed by coolant hoses that pass through the firewall. They often have plastic components which become brittle after years of thermal cycling, leading to cracking and leaking.
Dollar store Jesus candles. You can leave them burning in the drink holders. Cheap fix. And a mr buddy propane heater. Keep the windows cracked, not for the carbon monoxide, ya baby, to keep the windows from fogging up. But you gotta relight it after any good bump. That’s what red lights are for
944 shifters have a little connecting rod that slips into the end of the tube that goes back to the transaxle, and these tend to wear down, become football-shaped and get floppy. So, mine’s currently shimmed with a piece of a Long Drink can. Thanks, Finland.
There may or may not be some slivers of an aluminum can living their best lives as shims in the rear end of the C3 Corvette I’m attempting to get road worthy… 🙂