My original phrasing for today’s Autopian Asks question was “What Car Most Wants To Kill You,” to which Mark Tucker (your friendly neighborhood Shitbox Showdown scribe) answered “Christine,” the possessed 1958 Plymouth Fury that causes so much mayhem in Stephen King’s famous novel and John Carpenter’s 1983 hot-rod horror adaption of the same, Janice. (No, both book and film were called Christine. I just wanted to see if you were paying attention). Now, Christine surely did some killing, but you had to cross Christine in order to become a target. So I would say the car most likely to kill you (in the spirit of Mark’s interpretation of the question) is The Car from the film The Car – which was also possessed, making me wonder if it’s not time we had a car-exorcism movie. A couple of priests screaming at an Austin Healey for two hours in an effort to get demons out of the electrical system? I’d watch.
OK, let’s get back on track. What I was looking for with my original Q was cars that are dangerous to you as a driver, not dangerous to you as a teenager in a 70s or 80s B-movie – which is probably why David sagely reworded the question. But still, Christine works. Or at least a 1958 Plymouth Fury works as a most dangerous car, as does virtually anything from the era of metal dashboards, optional seatbelts, and non-telescoping steering columns. Of course, you need to get into an accident before any of that stuff matters, and if you’re driving like a person making any effort to stay alive, a vintage machine like the big Fury isn’t likely to bite you.
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As for cars that do seem hell-bent on putting drivers into ditches, around poles, and up against Jersey barriers, two big offenders come to my mind: Porsche 911s, particularly of the air-cooled variety through the mid-70s at the very least, and the original Dodge Viper (or all of them, but especially the OG). As anyone who professes to know cars will tell you, those 911s liked to get very loose when lifting off the gas mid-corner, and many a Porsche pilot looped their machines as they learned this the hard way (Not this guy in the first episode of CHiPs though – bro can drive). And the Dodge Viper, well … Viper gonna Viper. Maybe you just burn the bejeezus out of your calves on the side pipes, maybe you spin on cold tires into oncoming traffic, maybe you need to get a foot full of brakes and torpedo into the median, ‘cuz the Viper landed in showrooms with ten cylinders and zero antilock brakes (or any other electronic stability doodads).
Now you tell us: What’s The Most Dangerous Car To Drive?
Top graphic image: Christine/Columbia Pictures
Probably the most dangerous car I’ve owned was a Datsun 1000 wagon (VB10 model). Leaf springs and tiny drum brakes all round, fuel tank in the rear quarter panel so a collision on the back left would be likely to rupture the tank and spray fuel through the interior. Doors so thin that with the windows wound down, you could easily squeeze the inner and outer panels of the door together with a thumb and a finger. And the car was so narrow that (with the replacement seats that had been fitted that sat slightly outboard of the stock location) you sat wedged against the door, but your shoulder was only 4-5 inches from your passenger’s shoulder. Was easier to drive with the window down so you could stick your elbow out.
It had a bigger A12 engine fitted, which allowed me to (only once!) get it up to 180km/h, despite the 12″ wheels and 4.375 diff ratio. It took a LOT of road to reach that speed, and a LOT to get it stopped again afterwards!
“ time we had a car-exorcism movie”
Isn’t that what the Autopian is?
David and Mercedes are clearly dealing with some vehicles in need of exorcism.
I’ve been known to wave a 9/16 box end and sprinkle Bars-Leak on some possessed cars. Never seemed to be a permanent solution however.
Christine get the vote?
Next would be a GMC Squarebody….
Afterwards a Toyota “SHAS”- in other words, a Land Cruiser 70 series truck.
OG Jeep. Lures you in with sultry promises of going way off the beaten path and then rolls over when it gets far from help.
Jeep: Crushing it and you since 1940.
When Suzuki came to the US, the dealer where my dad worked picked up the franchise. They wanted to get some units on the street, so the sales manager sold me a Samurai for under $5000. Granted it had no roof and I put the ac in myself. But wow it felt unsafe. Tiny, slow, tippy, tinny. Topped out around 75 mph on little skinny tires. At the time my daily driver was a Harley Sportster, so I guess it was marginally safer. Wish I had kept it though. Can’t find a little run around run vehicle like that anymore.
I recall an era in 1990s Orange County where every Monday morning newspaper had an account of a doctor or lawyer who wrapped his NSX around a telephone pole and killed him and his mistress. The issue seemed to stem from a lack of awareness about how quickly those sticky tires needed to be replaced.
My brother worked for an Acura dealer at the time, and under warranty you were given up to three additional sets of tires if you asked. They would mark it in your service logbook. Too many people complained that the tires were only good for 2500 miles, and that was Acura’s solution. I drove a few of the first NSXs. In contrast to the Viper, they had excellent controllability.
An old Jeep. Nothing around you to protect you. If you happen to get to 70 MPH on a highway, you are sure to experience the “death wobble”. I had an 86 CJ7 that had power steering but manual brakes. Gotta love AMC.
Normally I wouldn’t say one of my own cars, but my Geo Tracker is definitely one of the least safe, and unlike anecdotal evidence, I actually have hard numbers to back it up!
One of the neatest things I found digging through archives looking for dealer training material and stuff for my ’93 was an IIHS special report with a bloodhound on the cover with a huge tagline like “When it comes to survivability… Track the TRACKER to the BOTTOM of the list!”
In single occupant crashes 90-94 the Tracker beat every car on the road, including the Corvette in fatalities.
The opposite end of the spectrum was the Saab 900 and the Volvo 240. It made a note to say you were 32 times more likely to die in a Geo than a 240 in a crash.
I wish I could attach pictures of the report, it was really well done by the IIHS with big fancy graphics.
Big motor recently Frankensteined into a small old car. Later you have sorted and solved, learned to adapt to “quirks”. It takes luck to survive the evil alliance of a stupid big motor and a stupid right foot.
Fiat X-19.
As an impressionable 10 year old I witnessed an accident between a X-19 and pick up truck. X-19 tee boned the pick up as the pick-up had run a red light.
X-19 folded in half where the seat backs met the floor. Folded like a wallet. Driver and passenger died instantly.
Image will stay with me forever.
I cannot look at a Fiat X-19 and not see it folded in half.
Just dont.
My 66 Dodge A100 Sportsman is terrifying to drive. There’s literally 1 foot between you and whatever is front of you on the road. Steering requires constant attention and input even in a straight line and since it’s three on the tree, it’s mostly one-handed. A gentle cross wind can really complicate things. Braking requires planning WAY ahead. Rearward visibility is a joke. Also, this thing is slow which means you’re always being overtaken unexpectedly. No such thing as distracted or inattentive driving.
I’m always happy to arrive. Somehow, because of all of this, I love driving it.
Up front, thanks for the link to CHiPs episode. Arguably, the craziest and dumbest of the Jack Webb LAPD/LEO franchises.
My neighbor, who I rode with from time to time, had a 1000cc Kawi cruiser of some sort that the gear whine sounded just the same.
I had to buy a ’65 Mustang for a TV station to use as a prop for a weekly segment in our newscasts, called “Only in California.” Driving it straight to the shop where our fleet maintenance was done was terrifying. It had lap belts. But no shoulder belts and a very hard steering wheel. And drum brakes at all four corners. I made sure to not explore any of those limitations.
It was such a shitty car for the task at hand. Many of the shoots were up in the Sierras, where brakes are kind of handy. And the trunk space was often not big enough for the lighting equipment the photographer wanted to bring. Fortunately, the back seat could accommodate the rest.
My news director had a couple of sweet BMW 3-series (E 36) cars for him and his wife. I should have made him drive the Mustang just so he knew the Hell he sentenced the guys to.
After the photographer/driver complained about the brakes, I had our shop upgrade the fronts to discs.
500HP 65 Mustang with manual steering, manual brakes and lap belts
Any Malaise Era Lincoln Mark IV/V or Town Car. They were outright dangerous, but not to me, the driver. Any inputs to steering, braking, and acceleration required a “Two-Mississippi” count before the car reacted. Maneuvering away from danger was impossible. If a kid on a tricycle darted out between parked cars, the kid didn’t have a chance. For a car that was supposed to be sedate, easy driving, they always had my blood pressure up significantly.
GT350 tried to kill me every drive.
1st gen explorer was satanic as you approached its limits. Rear leaf springs loved to unload in a way to put you on your side. Really wanted smooth hands drifting as fast hands could kill you. A shame as 80% it was great w minimal understeer.
So many of them started off driving their parents’, I call the 1st gen Explorer the car that made Millennials think a Honda Civic was a sports car.
The answer is easy – any car with cheap or old tires. Or bad brakes.
Too many “car guys” upgrade POWAAAA before anything else, and don’t understand the most crucial part, which is the vehicle’s connection to the road, and its ability to put S P A C E between itself and obstacles.
Start with the tires, upgrade suspension and brakes, THEN think about adding hp. This goes for car manufacturers as well… make a car that sticks, stops, and handles before you go crazy with the power numbers. These things are going to attract people who want to use that power.
This. Good tires are the best money it’s possible to spend on a car- you can increase your handling, ride comfort, noise levels, and fuel economy all in one go just by upgrading from the trash stock rubber most new cars come with.
The best life advice I ever received was “you can save everywhere else, but spend money on the things that separate you from the ground”. Good shoes for your feet, a good bed for your back, and good tires for your mode of transport will improve your quality of life more than just about anything else.
Late 50’s/early 60’s Chevy Biscayne wagon with the stock 14″ tires. Not nearly enough tire or brakes for that heavy of vehicle. Marginal when unloaded, ridiculously unsafe loaded down with mom, dad, 4 kids and two weeks worth of luggage strapped to the roof. Ford and Chrysler were guilty of this nonsense as well, putting way too small of tires/brakes on 4000+lb sedans and wagons.
The most dangerous car is anything driven by a teenager. I drove like a reckless maniac back then. Street drifting nightly or in the rain, highway pulls, canyon racing etc. I haven’t done anything like that in years and never will again.
Around here, including the ones that still act like they are in HS, which was decades ago for them. Was behind guy in 70s POS long bed truck other day, purposely lighting it up at every light to make the back end kick out….in heavy city traffic in center lane.
At least wasn’t ‘rolling coal’.
Did you all that in a 240?
Mostly. I had a few of them along with an E30/E46.
I should clarify that’s a 240sx, not a Volvo 240.
That makes sense. My HS circle of friends did similar, very, very dumb things but in rusty, sometimes piecemeal Datsun 510s and 1200s on bald, bias ply tires.
DeTomaso Mangusta immediately comes to mind. Apologies if it’s been posted, but I’m on the fly.