“Beggars can’t be choosers,” they say, and they say it’s because it’s generally pretty true. It’s extra-definitely true when you’re the last person to make it to the rental car counter after arriving in town for the big convention or whatever, and you simply must make it to the hotel/meeting/booth/inlaws’ house when you said you would. Oh, you signed up for a nicer-quality midsizer? Well, looks like you’re settling for whatever’s left on the Frugal Humiliator list. “Yes, I’ll take it, sighhhhhhhh.”
The Bishop inspired today’s Autopian Asks after telling the tale of how he wound up with a Plasma Purple (yes, that’s the actual name) Mitsubishi Mirage. Now, I think this is a good color, and I would happily tool around in that little cheapster while I waited for my daily to get back from the collision center. But poor Bish was in town to shuttle important clients around, so, yeah – not the greatest pick. “At least it didn’t look like we were a wasteful company,” said The Bishop, looking on the side of things as bright as the Mitsu’s paint.
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Wrencher extraordinaire Stephen Walter Gossin chimed in with this tale. “Don’t meet your heroes,” they say, and well…
I was in Phoenix for a conference in 2013 and was provided a rental to get to the event, to the hotel and back to the airport. Enterprise said I could pick anything I wanted that they had on the lot per the reservation type, so I figured that it was time to finally meet my hero. I had been enamored by the Dodge Challenger since it showed up in 2008 and this was going to be my first chance to drive one and to experience its majesty and badassery. I was wicked, wicked pumped. I was given a V6 Challenger and had to do my best throughout the rest of that week to hide my disappointment that it was just another V6 LX chassis offering, not too dissimilar from the Charger and 300. It was fine, it looked good, and drove great, but there was nothing special there. My “future dream” attempt of saving up $30K for one ceased funding that week.
And this next rental escapade comes from Griffin Rilely, freshly returned from Colombia, where he was much more in love with the cars there than he was this gem:
This past December, my mom moved to Houston and we decided to make it a long family road trip across the country. We put in the order to rent a van, and the day we were heading out, we got a call from the rental service that “we actually don’t have a van for you, but we have something of comparable size.” What we had was a Cadillac XT6, a simple three-row SUV, nowhere near enough room for two cats and four people who packed up their whole lives to move thousands of miles away. We also got a nail in a tire at one point, called customer service who told us there was a big SUV in a town 100 miles away (out of the way mind you), and when we pulled up, local rental representative said they had no such request for a vehicle transfer and only had four door sedans for us. Shitty couple of days driving that thing.
Your turn: What’s The Worst Car A Rental Company Has Forced Upon You?
Top graphic image: Mitsubishi
I tend to end up with a Yaris Cross, which is a dreadful boring turd of a car. In theory the worst one from a normal point of view would be a manual older gen Suzuki Swift,but as this was in the winter in Norway that suited me just fine.
As an opposite experience:
I was sent from Detroit to Florida for work once, in mid-February, in the mid-1990s.
Dreary Detroit, and the women in the office knew I’d not been to Florida, ever.
Mid-20’s me, I thought nothing of it; it was a job. Office-arranged travel plans.
Well, it was a fiasco. Shiat traffic to DTW airport, clocked a crow to the front grille
of company van on the way to DTW, took forever to find parking, slogged thru lines
at DTW, flight delayed a couple of times due to weather, more nonsense at JAX,
delays at baggage claim, etc. SIGH.
Got my bag and made my way to the car rental counter.
Said “I am me, you should have a reservation.”
The lovely clerk tapped on her keyboard for a moment before saying
“Yes, Mr. you, you can have a sub-compact or a compact.”
Thoroughly disinterested in the day’s shenanigans up to that point,
I merely rolled my eyes in resignation, and said, sarcastically, “Surprise me.”
More tippity-tapping ensued on her keyboard for a few seconds, then she replied
with a smirk, “For another ten dollars per day, I can give you a midsize sedan.”
I thought about it for a second or two, decided I’d gladly reimburse my employer
the $30 it’d cost if they scoffed, and was sent on my way.
Documents signed, I boarded the shuttle bus to transport me to the lot.
The driver told me it was just a few spaces into the row he stopped at,
and I disembarked the bus.
Two to three spaces to go, and I come to realize I’d been rented a Saab 9000 sedan.
I pop the trunk to put my bag in, then climb in behind the wheel. Started the engine.
It smelled new.
Look at the dash, and realize I’m in a brand-new, fully-tricked 9000 sedan, less than
400 miles on the odometer. Leather interior, premium sound system, HEATED seats
and exterior mirrors, sunroof, all the bells and whistles. This car was LOADED
to the nines for a winter climate, and I’m driving it in Florida.
I had a 2.5-hour drive to my destination because my employer was cheap
about travel accommodations.
Adjusted the seat, found a great radio station, opened the sunroof,
and had a delightful drive for a couple of hours on smooth roads
while seeing greenery in mid-February.
Back at the office, the ladies were babbling about all things Florida,
while I merely replied that it was nice to see greenery and drive on
well-maintained roads.
That experience made my later Florida trip seem like a loser,
what with a shiatty Ford Contour to get me around. And that trip
involved my father, who was a drunk asshiole all his life.
I rented the cheapest car on business once (we were broke). All they had was a Camaro (2013, new then). Other than 1996 Cavalier, I’ve never driven a car with such poor visibility. I wouldn’t have considered buying one (the Transformer look isn’t really my bag) but after that experience I was sold on never buying one.
No question, enterprise foisted a ford escape with a stop starter on me when we paid extra for a minivan(I was taking my kids to dizzyland). The damned thing stalled three times between John Wayne Airport and our hotel. It also died while driving twice and was easily the worst and roughest running modern car I’ve ever had the misfortune of attempting to drive. It was even sh!t brown. The kids liked disney though so not the worst trip.
We rented a car in Iceland twice.
The first was an old euro-spec Toyota Corolla with a load of mileage. It was a manual, which I liked. It also had a failing transmission or some other impending mechanical doom that made awful grinding noises in first gear. I remember turning around in a little rural church parking lot. The crowd of white-haired Lutherans whipped their heads around and scowled when the sad little white sedan started groaning and grinding and we waved apologetically for it. Later in the trip, it refused to start in a parking garage and had to rescued by the rental company. Altogether awful, and kept us from venturing too far outside of Reykjavik for fear of breaking down in the middle of nowhere.
The second car was a comically small Hyundai i10 hatchback. It trundled along with three adults and luggage just fine. It also made the hours long drives to Jokulsarlon and the West Fjords without complaint, which was awesome. It did, however, have perilously bald tires. Like Mr. Clean shiny bald.
So, renting cars there comes with some risks.
Funny you mention that Hyundai…my wife and I rented its cousin in France, the Kia Picanto. Ours had the 67hp 1.0L I3 with a 5-spd, and I’ll be damned if it we didn’t love it. The clutch was fantastic, it handled well, enjoyed the revs, and was just an overall pleasant car. The power front/manual rear windows cracked me up.
Least favorite’s probably been another Euro rental, a Fiat Punto, which was just a sad vehicle. But the Ford Focus we turned in after 20 miles (horribly uncomfortable seats) and Toyota Camry with either bad tires or a wheel bearing going out are up there, too.
Yeah! They’re not bad. It was amazing that three adults and luggage fit pretty comfortably in a car that size, so major kudos for space efficiency.
My family once rented a GMC Terrain for a cross-country trip (they flew in to visit me, I have a 2-seater) that popped a check engine light halfway across, we went to another rental location and traded it in for… another GMC Terrain, in a lower trim. It was getting dark, and my driving shift was coming up. And by God, it’s the worst things I’ve interacted with.
The transmission programming was malicious, and the throttle mapping was absolutely diabolical. We kept having connection issues with carplay, the sitting position was brutal and the ride quality was medieval. Beyond the emaciated engine’s inability to carry 3 adults at any speed, every bit of software felt like its job was to prevent the associated hardware from doing its job.
I’ve driven a *very* tired 1998 Corsa in 3rd-world urban traffoc, and it had nothing on the “experience” of operating a Terrain around suburban America.
I rent cars seldom, so I haven’t had a lot of opportunity for terrible rentals. In the summer of 2023 we went to Andalucia for a couple of weeks, and I got a rental to use for getting around. I had reserved, and was looking forward to, some typical Euro-wagon like a Fiat Tipo, which of course would have a manual. Instead I was “upgraded” into a Hyundai Tucson. I regret not insisting on the class of car I’d reserved. It was…fine, but it also felt huge (especially the two times I had to park in a parking garage) and it was…a Korean SUV. It was, at least, a diesel hybrid with a manual, which is an interesting powertrain that was efficient for the car’s size and weight.
Its a toss up between a Pacifica with a migraine inducing smoke odor and cracked windshield or a Nissan Versa powered by an underfed hamster with a moped’s transmission.
Chrysler 200 of unknown age from a rental facility in Montreal. That car was clean inside and beat to shit everywhere else.
A really filthy Pontiac Grand Prix in Florida that was overflowing with cigarette ashes and butts. Thanks, Avis in Tampa! This was in 2008, and it was disgusting – the original car they gave me was not roadworthy and I was told, take it or walk.
For that reason, Avis is dead to me.
On the good side, Enterprise was able to get a Chrysler minivan for me on very short notice in Florida (think “walk-in”). They told me “go have lunch next door and we’ll call you shortly” at the Wendys across the parking lot. 45 min later, had a washed, cleaned, and gassed up van ready to go. Can’t beat that.
My story is about the best and worst at the same time. We rented a midsize SUV for a 2.5 week road trip…I think Chevy Equinox was the stated model, but I told my wife I wasn’t going to be picky unless they tried to stick us with a Jeep. I was assuming Cherokee or even Patriot when I said that.
Turns out, they gave us a Jeep…Grand Cherokee. Like new, high enough trim level that it had the ventilated seats which sure came in handy on a 105 degree day in Death Valley, and a total pleasure to put over 5,000 miles on.
Why do I say it’s also the worst? Because that rental is the reason we went out and spent $40k on a Jeep Grand Cherokee of our own, which has also provided many thousands of happy miles on multiple long road trips in the past 4 years, but it’s also the most expensive vehicle we’ve bought and the Jeep brand has me worried about how many more trouble-free years are realistic to hope for.
Hyundai Accent back in 2013. I’ve driven quite a few cars, including some with notoriously bad steering feel, but that thing was so bad it made me nervous on cloverleaf exits. For some reason I could not get the thing to drive smoothly around a curve.
Honorable mention to the Chevy Cruze I got in Alaska. Not because the car was bad (I liked it just fine), but because it was November and it had summer-leaning all-seasons on it. Slid into a guardrail on a snowy mountain road because all of a sudden braking and steering became more suggestions than commands. I’ve been driving on snow since before I got my license and this is the only time I’ve hit anything, so it’s not like I don’t know what I’m doing.
Don’t really have any major horror stories. Seats in the last gen Chevy Malibu suck for long drives. Had a Kia Forte that had clearly been smoked in, as in not only did I smell it, I found the damn lighter and when I went to exchange it all they had available was a minivan.
Worst was an 80s Ford Tempo automatic, what a dog, couldn’t get out of its own way.
Best was a Windstar minivan we rented for family trip from local Ford dealer….the van we were supposed to get didn’t arrive back in time. Somehow my wife ended up with a brand new, straight off the truck, loaded minivan. Wife helped them take plastic off the seats. Big upgrade from our daily high mileage minivan.