Where We Started And Where We Stopped: 1996 GMC Yukon vs 1996 Chevy Camaro

Good morning! I’m on the road again, on the final leg of our big cross-country move. No trailer this time; we’re riding in comfort in my dad’s old Chrysler 300, a sleek V8-powered cruise missile that absolutely gobbles up the miles. But we do have passengers: our three black cats named Mystery, Creepy, and Spooky. Since I’m doing the driving on this run, my wife Erika chose today’s cars – one from our starting point in Portland, and one from where we have stopped for the night.

So yes, one more car from Portland after all. Friday’s choices represented the two cars I most associate with our now-former home: One that represents the scruffy charm of the city as it was, and one that has infested every parking lot like an invasive weed. And naturally, you all picked the wrong one. But that’s all right; I just present ’em. You choose the winners.

I used to describe Portland traffic with just five words: “There’s always some f–ing Subaru.” Whether it’s merging at 45 MPH, taking six tries to parallel park, or tailgating you when there’s an empty lane next to you, chances are if a car is causing trouble in traffic, it’s powered by the beauty of all-wheel-drive. But like I said, it’s your choice.

I’m going to reveal a tiny bit of inside baseball about this column: It is as typo-free as it is due to the keen eye of my darling wife, Erika. She proofreads every edition to make certain I haven’t done something stupid. (The factual errors you can still blame on me; fact-checking isn’t in her repertoire.) But she isn’t always enthusiastic about the vehicles I choose, so she offered to pick the cars while we’re making this final cross-country trek. I don’t know if this was intentional or coincidental, but she chose two GM vehicles from the same year, offered for the same price. But that’s about all they have in common. Let’s take a look.

1996 GMC Yukon – $1,800

Engine/drivetrain: 5.7-liter overhead valve V8, four-speed automatic, part-time 4WD

Location: Gresham, OR

Odometer reading: 256,000 miles

Operational status: Runs and drives well

Obviously I can’t find fault with this choice. A GMT400-based Yukon? All the best bits of my truck and her truck all rolled into one? Hell yes. Strong, capable, comfortable, and reliable, these trucks are legends for a reason. They’re gas guzzlers, sure, but when it comes to bargain-basement transportation, there are worse sins.

Halfway through its run, the GMT400 platform got a massive facelift, with softened lines outside and a completely new interior. It’s much more car-like and luxurious than the hard square dash of the earlier versions. It’s still cheap GM plastic, but the seats are comfy, and the plastic stuff is more durable than it feels. At more than a quarter-million miles, this one looks halfway decent, but I’m guessing there are a few things that don’t work. But hey – eighteen hundred bucks.

It’s powered by the ubiquitous 350 small-block V8, in its final Vortec version, along with the standard-issue 4L60-E automatic. It also has the old-school manually-shifted transfer case, so putting it in 4WD is a nice satisfying lever-pull instead of a boring old button. It runs and drives well, according to the seller, and does great in the snow. (I can vouch for this; both our 4WD GM trucks are beasts when the weather turns bad.)

Tahoes, Yukons, and Suburbans used to be available with two different tailgate configurations (might still be, actually): the standard hatchback, with separately-openable glass, or barn doors. You don’t see many short-wheelbase Yukons/Tahoes with barn doors. The verdict is out on which one is the more practical option, but personally I like the barn doors. It looks like it would be easier to load, and there are no hold-open struts to wear out.

1996 Chevrolet Camaro – $1,800

Engine/drivetrain: 3.8-liter overhead valve V6, four-speed automatic, RWD

Location: Nampa, ID

Odometer reading: 168,000 miles

Operational status: Runs and drives, but might need a little work

I know why she picked this one: It’s purple. Sometimes that’s all it takes. Neither one of us is a huge fan of the fourth-generation “fat” Camaro, but they’re currently the cheap ones, especially the base model like this. This one is at least in the right age range, new enough to have the 3800 V6 instead of the old 3.4, but old enough to have the square headlights. Too bad it’s an automatic, but you can’t have everything.

The base-model Camaro and Firebird were all about cheap fun and looking cool without spending a lot on gas or insurance. As such, they’re built to a price, and it shows, especially in the interior. But like the Yukon, the plastic feels flimsier than it is. This one looks generally all right, but I bet the dashboard under that toupee is as cracked as desert hardpan.

Outside, the clearcoat is rapidly fleeing the scene, and the hubcaps are long gone. It looks all right with plain black steelies, I guess. And for the price, you can’t complain, I suppose. It doesn’t look banged-up, and Idaho isn’t known for rusty cars.

The seller says it runs and drives, but doesn’t elaborate. The air conditioning is broken, but in this price range that’s not uncommon. Strangely, they say the alternator pulley will need replacing “eventually.” I don’t get that; a pulley is pretty simple. It’s either straight, so the belt tracks straight and true on it, or it’s bent and chews up the belt. And the pulley on an alternator is usually the smallest one in the whole setup. How did they damage that one? Unless they mean the tensioner is going bad?

Beat-up old GM cars like these are all over the classifieds. Usually they’re pretty good deals, but you have to be willing to fix a few things, put up with some scruffiness, and have the right attitude – which is “don’t laugh; it’s paid for.” Which one of these old warriors is worth it to you?

(Image credits: Craigslist sellers)