While carmakers keep trying to be “tech companies” or “micromobility providers,” the inverse is happening, with tech companies at least trying to add cars to their portfolio. Apple went on its own quixotic adventure and burned through billions of dollars trying to create a car before giving up. Sony, smartly, teamed up with Honda to create Afeela. Ineos, the chemical conglomerate, has built a vehicle.
In China, this is an even bigger deal, with tech companies like Xiaomi building successful cars. Even with how difficult it’s become to create new cars, a lot of people are trying it. It makes sense that tech companies might try given that the future is supposedly “software-defined vehicles.”
Still, if I want a company making a car that isn’t already a carmaker I’m looking for a few criteria:
- A company with great engineering.
- A company with timeless design.
- A company that won’t make something annoyingly complex.
I am, of course, thinking about BiC. Imagine a simple, elegant car called the BiC Crystal. It would be a straightforward, cheap design that would never let you down. And BiC already has a history with cars!
It just makes sense to me.
Now that I’ve taken BiC, who would you like to see try to build a car?
Kärcher. They would build the cleanest cars possible.
Freightliner. After building big rigs a pickup would be nothing.
Isn’t that more-or-less what International tried back in the day?
More than tried. In the ‘60s, the Big Three of USA pickup sales was GM, Ford, and IH. Dodge was a distant 4th. They were marketed at IH ag equipment dealerships and were thus popular in the farming community. Not to mention, the Travelall was one of the first commercially-available crew cab pickups.
But, like everything IH touched in the 70s, the pickup truck line was mis-marketed, under-funded, mismanaged, and ultimately didn’t survive.
Kinda and something I’d like to see again.
Isn’t that called a Mercedes-Benz?
No! No matter what it looks like, it very much is not.
And maybe call it the Scout!
Nah. Scout is going electric. I want Freightliner to be diesel.
Well how about we call it the Rudolf then?
Sounds good to me.
Stihl. Built tough to be a cut above.
I saw this coming.
I could’ve said Hustler, maker of zero tur lawn mowers, but didn’t want to get in the weeds that hard.
A bunch of forestry guys I work with would agree 100%.
Thanks.
Piaggio. Much experience in building unconventional bikes and planes. Wonder what a car might be like.
Just an overgrown Ape, which starts to sorta become a Mk1 Fiat Panda. So frankly, this is acceptable.
Here’s how the branding could go:
Piaggio: Family cars
Vespa: Stylish city cars
Aprilia: High tech sports cars
Moto Guzzi: Tractors 😉 and very rugged, simple roadsters and off road vehicles with pushrod V engines
Derbi: Budget cars
I once rode a Moto Guzzi. Can relate 🙂
I bet Lockheed Martin could make a decent autonomous car with powertrain development from General Electric.
But… they’re government contractors….so you’d make the first three payments and then the price would go up
Samsung. Heck, they already make the batteries.
Samsung cars, you say?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Renault_Korea
Costco! At least their employees will be treated nice
The Kirkland Signature Coupe.
This is the most realistic option- Kirkland branded, built by Magna-Steyr. Unironically may happen.
lol what if Costco bought Fisker
“Welcome to Costco, I love you” ‐ Idiocracy
The first honest answer that comes to mind is Kitchen-Aid. I don’t remember how old my stand mixer is, I’ve had it so long. But it’s still going strong and has easy to use accessories.
They could probably make some old beaters.
Must be one of the ones with metal gears, not plastic.
Whirlpool would actually be an awesome manufacturer of cars. They would probably favor better if it was a commercial vehicle or tractor trailer.
Whirlpool? Hmmm Some of their cars would be cool; some would spin too easy; and most models would just turn out to be appliances….
Plus you could get all your repair parts from repairclinic.com
I see only upsides here.
It would be pretty cool if Ford built a car 😉
They still make the Mustang, but, yeah…
The Autopian! Why not?.
Good answer… Good answer. I like the way you think!
Fisher-Price
My Buick’s interior was farmed out to Playskool.
Does that mean a three-year-old can find the ac controls?
TWO year-old. But not at night, because in typical GM fashion, most of the backlighting is DOA.
ABB. Anybody but Boeing.
These guys?
https://new.abb.com/products/robotics
Lego, but it might be the first vehicle where it would hurt if you step on the gas pedal barefoot
You said it first! Great minds and all that.
Patagonia – designed for function, durability, and reliability, plus they aren’t a$$holes to their employees and don’t wreck the environment. And when your car finally died you could return it to them and they’d recycle it.
Lifetime fix it warranty as well? I second this idea, might get some cool colors too
Oh! Teenage Engineering. It would just end up being a Nissan Pao that cost $150k but I would still want one.
Victorinox. It would be well built but inexpensive, incredibly durable, and I would imagine fairly versatile. Wouldn’t you want your gear knob to also have a toothpick and a pair of tweezers in it?
Best part would be it could also produce some gigantic, way-more-than-anyone-realistically-needs SUV ala the Swiss Champ.
The Swiss Army Truck.
Seriously. We had an article today about Stellanis not being able to properly run Jeep, who better to do that than the Swiss Army Knife folks?
Timex.
If anyone could produce what we desperately need right now – a vehicle that’s reasonably priced, dependable, and has a nice dash of style – it’s Timex.
Timex is also great with heritage stuff, but still manages to offer good contemporary designs too.
May as well throw Armitron and Casio in the mix as well, then.
My Armitrons kept better time than my siblings’ Timexes. And Casio made calculator watches, not to mention oodles of cool electronic instruments, and that sort of nerdy creativity needs more outlets.
I could work here too and not have to move.
For a watchmaker – I’d like a Citizen EcoDrive.
Because it’s “Sustainably powered by light”
I often think of Toyota as the Citizen of cars – super durable, innovative in a practical way, but not quite as intrinsically stylish as Honda, the Seiko of cars.
I’d love to have an Ikea car… I wonder how much Task Rabbit will charge to put it together for you from that tiny, flat box?
There pretty much is an Ikea truck already
https://arstechnica.com/cars/2016/09/ox-flat-pack-truck/
The owner’s manual warnings would be epic. So. Many. Sad outline guys.
I’m all in for this
Miele, or possibly Viking.
I don’t know what Henckel might do but it could be pretty sharp. [Insert CT joke here]
Ikea? I’m curious what a Caterham would look like with a Swedish sensibility.
An IKEA Caterham would probably be something like this: https://www.cars.com/articles/volvos-hotrod-concept-1420663328595/#:~:text=When%20you%20think%20%E2%80%9Chotrod,%E2%80%9D%20your%20mind%20naturally%20wanders
Maybe TTI should get involved. Ryobi as their budget mainstream brand, Ridgid for upscale luxury, and Milwaukee for the rugged offroaders. Buy it from Home depot before the 15th and it comes with 2 free extra batteries…
I don’t know about “like to see” but given their battery expertise I could see LG having a go at their own EVs. They are a very experienced manufacturing company.
Can’t have Bic without a competing Zippo car IMO
True.
https://live.staticflickr.com/2285/2257779679_e43b2dc51e_c.jpg
The Bic Rolling Rider.
Donzi fits the criteria nicely.
A new Amphicar!
Dyson Vacuums. Because when you realize that it’s only average you can say, “Well, that sucks.”
You know that this almost did happen, don‘t you?
https://www.dyson.com.sg/newsroom/updates/june-2020/dyson-battery-electric-vehicle
I imagine a Dyson car looking like a purple and silver Dodge Neon.
I hate Dyson so much. An ex had one of their shitty vacuums that she swore by, but she swore by it because I was always the one cleaning the fucking thing out after it jammed on a hair or two or had to be emptied partway through vacuuming a 3×5 rug. What a piece of shit, especially for $400. I’m glad I didn’t buy it.
I had one. I had to take it apart twice a year to clean out the passages that they swore would never clog. At best the performance was adequate and it was heavy as heck, too. I fell for the marketing.
I’ve had mine for 5 years now and I love it. It’s a stick, battery one, it’s our only vacuum.
I’ve never had to unclog it (except washing out the filter). It’s probably paid for itself in vacuum bag savings by now. We have no pets though, that probably makes a huge difference.
Heckler & Koch, maybe? Though it may just end up being a Porsche
I was thinking Glock. Reliable, simple to use, simple to fix, simple to upgrade, lots of interchangeable parts. And all models would look alike with just the size and power differing.
Ruger did exactly that.
https://hymanltd.com/vehicles/6583-1970-ruger-sports-tourer/
Same sausage, different sizes!