Remember Rezvani? They started out making sleekly-rebodied Ariel Atoms way back in 2015, and over the years seem to have migrated into a very different market than making light, exciting track-oriented cars. Now, their entire lineup seems to be cars designed for people who are in constant fear for their lives.
I’m not kidding – out of eight different Rezvani models, half offer some sort of armor and/or “security” features. Plus, the whole reason I’m writing this in the first place is because I got a PR email from Rezvani about their new Arsenal SUV (which seems to be based on the GM platform that underpins the Escalade/Tahoe/Yukon), that “boasts the most advanced composite armor accessible to civilians.” Who is Rezvani’s target buyer, and why do so many people seem to want them dead?
I mean, I get that there are situations that need armored vehicles because the people or stuff inside them are actual targets for violence, for any number of reasons. Heads of state, Brinks trucks full of cash, people who say dumb shit online about things they don’t know about (you know, like me, when it comes to armored vehicles), celebrities in the telemarketing community, all these types of situations I suspect have plenty of reasons to need armored, high-security vehicles.
But is that who Rezvani is selling these cars to? Look, here’s the Rezvani lineup, with their options for people who think other people want them dead highlighted:
That’s a lot of armored cars. And these names! Arsenal, Vengeance, Tank, Hercules – we get it, Rezvani, you mean business or whatever. I’m going to guess one of the offered weapons isn’t the concept of subtlety. These are armored luxury SUVs, not necessarily targeted at heads of state or deposed royalty or anything like that, just for, I guess, deeply paranoid rich people. Listen to these security and armor features of the new Arsenal:
“ARSENAL offers option of composite armor rated to B6 level. This level of armor is known for its high resistance and protective capabilities. This provides protection from assault rifles such as AR15 and AK47 ammunition along with armor piercing rounds. Traditionally, ballistic steel has to be used to achieve this level of protection adding a tremendous mount of weight to the vehicle. However Rezvani’s new advanced composite armor weighs 1/3 the weight of its equivalent steel counterpart while maintaining the same ballistics rating that steel used to provide. This weight savings can equate to over 1,000 lbs of weight. This is the most advanced armor on a vehicle offered to civilians. Arsenal’s composite armor provides a reliable and robust layer of protection, ensuring safety in high-risk situations. Until now composite armor was limited to B4 Level in civilian armored vehicles.”
I mean, this is all impressive. Well, hold on, let me look up what the hell B6 level is because the truth is I don’t really know. I’ve been punched in the face before, a few times, but so far I’ve never had to worry about armor-piercing rounds from anything named for two letters and two numbers, so I’ll admit I’m ignorant. Give me a moment here to educate myself.
Ah! Okay, so to really, really simplify it, it seems that B4 level would protect against being shot at with most types of handguns, while B6 level will also protect against shots fired from rifles and larger weapons like that. So, B4 may be fine if a cowboy is shooting at you with their six-shooter, pardner, but you’ll want B6 if, uh, Rambo crawls out of a manhole with an AK and tries to waste your sorry ass.
Introducing the all new Rezvani Arsenal: featuring the most advanced composite armor available to civilian vehicles rated up to B6. This armor is lightweight yet capable of stopping high caliber and armor piercing rounds up to ballistic level 6. #armoredvehicles #rezvani pic.twitter.com/LJRMB1RmLy
— Rezvani Motors (@RezvaniMotors) June 19, 2024
Again, I’m sure a ton of engineering went into this and yes it’s impressive and all that. Yes, yes, amazing stuff. Rezvani is only making 100 of these, which just makes me even more fascinated about who they’re trying to sell these to. These start at $225,000, so we know it’s rich people. And it’s rich people that aren’t just afraid of, you know, crime, because I think the B4 level of armor would likely handle most opportunistic armed robberies, right? This thing is armored for sniper rifles and AKs, which is a definite step up in the trying to kill you arena.
So, it’s for rich people very convinced that there are people who really, really want them dead. Not just people who want them dead, but maybe whole organizations of people who want them dead, with budgets for weapons and complex plans to attack people while they’re driving around.
Why do these groups want potential Rezvani customers to be so dead? What did the potential Rezvani buyers ever do to them? Are potential Rezvani buyers so loathsome, or do they just, deep down, want to believe they’re so loathsome that people will go to extraordinary lengths to kill them?
I suppose that may be the key here; this could be a status thing. When you get bored with just showing the world how much money you have, where do you go? I guess you go to showing the world that lots of people would love to see you dead? That’s a pretty big flex, I suppose.
The showiness of it all is also why I think these are more about the idea that someone wants you dead instead of the grim reality of that situation. Actual armored vehicles used by people who genuinely might get killed, like this boring-looking Jetta we featured here before, seek to not draw attention to themselves because that’s part of being secure: not being noticed in the first place. That’s very different than what Rezvani is doing.
You can impress the honeys of your preferred gender at the bars by having them guess what you and Archduke Ferdinand have in common – people would love to kill you both! But the difference here is Archduke Ferdinand was a chump who let it happen and started WWI while you’re far more savvy and have a car that can stop a small militia and has supple otter-leather seats.
This feels like a strange state of mind to be in. But, if there’s 100 people who feel this way, Rezvani will have exactly what they need, so I guess I hope your new Arsenal brings you joy, rich weirdos.
These are for Tough Guys. We all know the type. They live a fantasy life where they are always looking for a chance to prove how tough they are. These vehicles enable that dream.
I personally find that I prefer not to be around such folks, but to each his own. I know I’d rather spend that money on hookers and blow or almost anything else than one of these ridiculous things.
Tactical! I’ll take two. Where do I send the autopian bux.
In reality the Russians in Ukraine are driving things equivalent to a “Nissan Pao Military Edition” which is just a Nissan Pao.
Or golf carts with chicken wire wrap.
From what I can tell, the paranoid folks here who feel the need for a very high level of security for themselves make up a pretty good-sized market. Unfortunately, they appear to prefer to spend their money on high-powered firearms rather than armored vehicles. Still, Rezvani only needs to convince a relative few……
Hey, the best defense is a good offense! amirite?!
(or is that the other way around, I don’t know…)
There needs to be a rule of thumb/heuristic like ‘hit dogs holler’ for this kind of person who becomes security-obsessed because they know what they do would entice a negative response.
Is it any coincidence that Zucc, Bezos, Larry Ellison, etc are all spending big bucks on remote, suspiciously fortified “vacation properties”?
I don’t disagree that the billionaire set is a bunch of thieves, but they’re the kingpins of this cartel and have no reason to think we’ll actually do anything they can’t contain.
We probably can’t. So we’ll keep killing minorities because they’re easy to attack and don’t bother anyone, but we’ll keep the guys holding the rest of us hostage.
HERCULES! HERCULES! HERCULES!
I have seen a couple of these rolling around the south and west sides of Chicago. The buyer in these instances tends to be a cash buyer- literally. One person driving one rolled up to my place of employment, parked outside the front door in the fire lane (because what are you gonna do about it?) and bought some merchandise with cash from a crossbody bag packed with cash.
He wasn’t buying sausages from the King?
An opportunity missed.
Abe Froman? Chicago? name and location checks out.
Yeah, but can it stop a Jewish Space Laser? (asking for a friend)
It’s giving Meal Team Six. I can smell the tacticool through the screen, which is to say, it smells bad in here and someone in your corny military cosplay group forgot his deodorant.
Take then “nal” part off of “Arsenal” and you’ve got your buyer. I suggest treading on them? The snek stickers doth protest too much. They’re probably into it.
Ding Ding! We have a winner. This is the right answer.
“military cosplay” : It’s for people who take their weekend game of Dress-Up WAY too seriously.
The “Meal Team Six” of Pablo Escobars.
Lol, no, chubby milsim cosplayers don’t have the scratch- they just buy tacticool trucks. And deep down they realize the don’t have any actual enemies that would justify these ridiculous things.
There are a few of these where I live, and they are all owned by a cash-rich demographic that actually does have enemies, and is disproportionately involved in gun crimes: rap and hip-hop artists. Which since more than a few of them have been shot in their cars in recent years actually means these things make some sense. They are flashy and expensive, but actually armored to some reasonable standard, which is perfect if you need to be seen with flashy and expensive things but may actually have people shooting at you.
True, but I feel like there’s a lot of paranoid prepper-types around here who are into this kind of thing. I mean, good grief, Alex Jones was riding around downtown in some tanklike wankmobile not too long ago, but also before he got his entire butt, hole and lower intestinal tract handed to him in court.
Er, disagree. I don’t know of any prepper-types who own these, or at least none who advertise it. Just local to me, there are at least 3 rappers who own them, and quite a few more in places like Chicago and Miami. Quick search of the various
cancer cellssocial media sites brings up Jaime Foxx as the most prominent owner, with all of the rest I can be bothered to find in a similar demographic and line of work.I find it funny that neither Torch nor the majority of the commenters seem to have any clue who actually buys these, when said buyers tend to advertise their ownership quite publicly. It’s hip-hop stars yo, and flashy+bulletproof is exactly the combo they want and possibly need.
That might be regional, though, and yeah, something this weird appeals to the look-at-me set, too.
There’s a lot of paranoid weirdos with the cash for something like this down here and this is solidly in that vein. “Ranch McMansion with weird prepper space and a lot of high-end firearms” is a thing. And no, most wouldn’t advertise it (save for Gay Frogs Man, I guess).
Clearly meant for people with more dollars than sense.
I’d your Rezvani buyer is wealthy, insecure and looking for a way to flaunt wealth. These would also appeal to wealthy doomsday peppers looking to accessorize their luxury bunkers. The one good thing I can say is unlike the “bulletproof” Tesla Cybertruck these are armored to an actual protection standard.
Real armored vehicles tend to be discreet like the aforementioned Jetta or any number Grand Cherokees. My personal favorite for flaunting it was the Russian Mafia guy who had a blinged out BRDM scout car with a leather interior and icons decorating the cupola.
Besides rappers with golden teeths, why on earth you spend a quarter million on a armored top notch kit car while you could get a T-72 whole tank and have spare for the the gas.
I’ve heard that the demand for T-72s has gone way up, while their supply is dwindling. So prices may be going up!
What’s the Russian for “Ran when parked. No lowballers.” [About a thrown-turret lump of burnt-out slag.]
fair point!!! well at least a surpluss M113 and you even have space for your whole crew!!!
What ballistics level protects against grenades? Because, if you lob one into the bed of that truck while it’s going downhill, it’ll fetch up against the rear of the cab.
🙂
Grenades aren’t much of a threat, anything pistol proof will deal with a fragmentation grenade. The big threat is shaped charges and explosively formed projectiles. The German Red Army famously used a homemade EFP off route mine to kill a banker in an armored Mercedes in the 90s and they are a staple of modern IEDs.
Thanks, that makes sense: a projectile fired from a rifle gets the benefit of the charge all the way out the barrel, whereas the grenade’s charge separates the fragments, but then can partially escape between them. Still, an armored truck seems senseless to me
It’s not so much the velocity of being fired—relatively slow drones and loitering munitions are using shaped charges to take out armor in Ukraine—as the way they’re designed to concentrate the force of the blast to punch a small hole through the armor, usually showering whatever is on the other side with molten metal. A grenade just blasts fragmentation shrapnel in an open area, hitting whatever is in the radius. They’re not much good against armor (unless you drop them in through an open hatch or something).
But to your original question, higher grades of civilian armored vehicles will have the capability to withstand fragmentation grenades detonated under the car. It’s been a while and now there are so many grading systems of armor that I lost track of what’s what. IIRC, though, B7 grade is/was B6 level with the ability to withstand 2 grenades under the vehicle (being semi enclosed under the vehicle, the blast also has more potential devastating effect than from above or side).
There is a real and solid market for vehicles with a protection package. It’s mostly south of the border though.
Plenty of localities in Latin America have endemic carjacking & abduction problems. There is a solid need for a protection not against RPGs and movie-grade stuff, but mostly from handguns.
A good number of localities in the US are having a similar problem too. This is not to be underestimated. It’s not about repelling a Stinger shot. It’s about getting out of the way after an angry clip is emptied in the driver’s door when you refuse to open it.
BMW still sells a Protection package, me think. Way below an armored car grade, but way lighter too. Can sustain a few shots of light arms, enough to give you the few seconds needed to blast away.
The real meat is not in heavily armored head of state level vehicles, but in more run of the mill vehicles that offer some level of protection (glass, side panels, tires), without adding another 1000lb to the package.
Where these guys fit in that picture is less clear, as they advertise on real “armor”. Probably fleet vehicles – limo companies and such, where this can be marketed as am upgrade. I doubt many private owners will show up, but as long as there’s noise made around these things, fleets might buy a few.
Naaa we have our own armored vehicles production here, with great quality and most important … not blatanly conspicuos, you see a vehicle like that on the roads of guanajuato and by the noon you will meet your ancestors, even dru lords prefer ford raptors, even porche cayenes, mean if you have your own army why put a target on your head? , maybe some medium heads but never a real lord.
Indeed, what I was pointing at. These things are not fitting anywhere in the real market except in flashy rentals/limos in the US, which is a market OK enough.
Regarding carjackings and “A good number of localities in the US are having a similar problem too.”
Sort of.
Yes, carjackings are up across seven cities from 3000 (in 2020) to 3713 (in 2022), or up over that 2-year period by 24%.
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/auto-thefts-carjackings-major-u-s-cities-spike-new-report/
(I couldn’t find the link to their original raw data.)
But, a larger country-wide data set shows that the overall rates are very low, and lower than they’ve been historically.
https://bjs.ojp.gov/carjacking-victimization-1995-2021
Shows that the overall rate (per 100,000) did go up from 0.0979 (in 2020) to 0.1163 (in 2021), up by 19%.
However this is kind of fear-mongering from the news, since the rate has been in decline for many years. It was up slightly between 2020 to 2021/2022, but it was much much higher in the past! The carjacking rate per 100,000 was 0.1546 in 2014, 0.3110 in 2001, and an astonishing 0.5314 per 100,000 in 1995!! Wow, every city must have looked like Escape from New York back in 1995!! Carjackings were 542% worse in 1995 than in 2020!!! Oh the humanity!
Low rates mean that small fluctuations show up as large relative percentage changes, but it doesn’t mean that we have anything to be worried about.
That RR1 looks like what happens when a Vantage humps a 911…
“…deeply paranoid rich people…” plus with delusions about their importance. “Of course they want to kill me, because I’m me!”
Also rich guys playing the game of Who Has the Most Outlandish Waste of Money Toys?
Has anyone seen “The Terminal List”? They have a character who uses a Rezvani in that show and he seems like exactly the demographic Torch is talking about.
I assume these are for Russian oligarchs and rich people that watch too much Fox News
Russian oligarchs are more likely to have actual armored personnel carriers with custom plush interiors.
That doesn’t really work where the Russian oligarchs actually live.
No… I suppose a tarted-up armored personnel carrier is a bit much on Bishops Avenue. So far, anyway.
I recall an article years ago about tactical Suburban with a roof mount .50cal. It was unarmored because the the manufacturer said that gives you more incentive to rectify the situation (I’m assuming using the roof mount .50cal). Ma deuce.
That sounds a lot like an old Car and Driver story I remember, with a couple of tweaks:
1 – The gun was a real, multi-barrel mini gun, not just a .50 cal M2, mounted in the rear cargo area under a “quick release” fiberglass roof, and
2- The floor was open slats, to keep the gunner from being buried in all of the shell casings.
Here’s John Philips reminiscing about it, among other things:
https://www.caranddriver.com/features/columns/a15094837/john-phillips-odd-situations-ive-been-in-at-c-d-column/
Supposedly the Secret Service has something like that in the motorcade.
That’s the one, yes. Phillips is a treasure.
All I can hear is Eddie Murphy clapping and saying, “Hercules! Hercules!”
Ironically, the sight of these mastodons on steroids on the road is what makes people want to attack Rezvani drivers.
This is the automotive equivalent of putting your thumbs in your ears, waggling your fingers and sticking out your tongue at the world. Nah, nah, nah, nah you can’t hurt me.
And then getting hit square in the nose while your eyes are closed and bragging about not getting hit.
Hmmm. I think I’ll just buy a Yukon and go all A-Team on that shit.
But no whale penis leather ?
That’s for the barstools on the yacht.
I’m surprised Tesla doesn’t offer lab-grown Musk penis leather. Though if they had it they probably wouldn’t tell you they’d used it.
Nah… our supplies of whale penis skins are on backorder.
But we can get you a GREAT deal on this one in stock with an Incel-penis interior… which is practically as nice!.
And has far less wear on it, too.
That may not be true – original owner/operator use & abuse must count towards the overall mileage, no?
From what I’ve heard of Rezvani they are a total shit show. Poor customer support, dangerous defects, failed features and so-so quality. Maybe the up armoring is for the employees
Well, their press release’s grammar certainly isn’t top-tier
That’s what I’ve heard, as well. Someone in the Regular Car Reviews subreddit was better able to describe to me what distinguishes these from proper, mostly-discreet armored cars.
I seem to recall also seeing somewhere about someone getting in an accident and waiting forever for repairs, albeit I suppose that’s expected and possibly reasonable.
“celebrities in the telemarketing community”
Yeah, I don’t think Armie Hammer can afford one these anymore…
https://variety.com/2022/film/news/armie-hammer-hotel-concierge-caymans-1235310475/