I’ve been out for a bit, as we’ve had Labor Day and I had to spend a bit more time in a stupid hospital, but now that’s all over! I’m back! We’re back! So that means it’s time again to have an archaic Commodore PET computer pick a random page from the 2005 book, The World’s Worst Cars, written by Craig Cheetham, and then defend and redeem the car shown on that page, because I maintain that Mr.Cheetham has created a book not of The World’s Worst Cars, as the title claims, but rather of some of the World’s More Interesting Cars. Most of the cars in this book – perhaps all – do not deserve to be trapped in between the covers of this deceitful tome. And I’m going to redeem them, one by one. So let’s do it!
There’s only one right way to do this, of course, and that’s to have my Commodore PET pick a random page, via a small program in BASIC that chooses a random number between 1 and 317.
As always, I’ve typed in this little basic program (one day I really need to get the cassette recorder working on this thing) to pick the random page, so let’s see what we get:
Page 165! What unfairly maligned machine lurks on page 165?
The Lancia Beta! A charming, exciting car! But, yes, it has some problems, so let’s just tackle those first.
Now, I’ve heard this car maligned for, mostly, one primary sin: rust. A 1980 story in the UK newspaper The Daily Mirror titled “Luxury Cars in Rust Riddle” kicked off most of the scandal, and while the Beta definitely had rust problems – like so many cars of the 1970s did – the media uproar seesm to have been a bit exaggerated, and we all know that such things are absolutely possible. Just ask an Audi 5000 about “phantom acelleration” or a Suzuki Samaurai about rolling over. There were seeds of truth, but it wasn’t quite the scandal it was made out to be.
The general consensus now is that the rust tales were overstated, and rumors of sub-par Soviet steel being used were simply never proven. It’s well put by this commenter on Curbside Classic:
“The rust issue regarding the Beta has been wildly exaggerated; while true the fist series cars built into ’75 had a poorly designed subframe that would corrode faster than expected, later cars did not. The poor reputation the Beta faced came from a news report from the UK Daily Mirror in 1980, showing used up and rusty 7 year old cars in junkyards they claimed “were only two years old”. Tale as old as time, fabricate a story and sell it. Yes, they can rust, equally as bad as any car circa 1977. Are they worse? Doubtful.”
Sure, that’s just some guy on the internet, but isn’t that all of us, really, and it is some guy who actually gives a shit about the Lancia Beta, so, screw it, I’m including his very rational-sounding comment here. Lancia themselves issued a recall, which involved a “diagnostic check” that consisted of a technician whacking the front subframe with a hammer. If it collapsed, Lancia would buy the car back and crush it, if not, they’d wish you well and send you on your way. Over 500 Betas were bought back via this program.
Here’s a news report from the era about the recall program:
So, okay, the early Lancia Betas did have rust problems. Again, they were hardly unique in this aspect, and the allegations of the engines dropping out were never actually confirmed. As the somewhat fussy PR guy reminds us, there are still two more engine mounts holding the engine in, after all.
Okay, so that’s the best I can give Craig. It has some well-publicized rust problems, sure. But everything else about this car seems pretty fantastic.
It was the first Lancia built under Fiat ownership, and the Beta came in a shocking number of body variants, including a four-door sedan that looked like a hatchback but wasn’t one, a sedan that looked like a sedan, a coupé that didn’t look like a hatchback and wasn’t, the HPE that was shooting brake and I suppose also a hatchback, because it had one, and the Lancia Scorpion, a sports car version, and even a rally-winning mid-engine version.
Incredibly, I think all of these versions looked fantastic, especially the shooting-brake-style HPE (High Performance Estate) version:
Look what reviews of the era said about the car, like The Motor:
“There are no cars in the class that are more fun to drive along twisty roads, nor any that create more interest among bystanders.”
That’s great praise! Lancia developed the all-around MacPhearson strut suspension, featuring “a unique rear set-up using the anti-roll bar as fore-aft location alongside twin transverse links,” which is all to say that all of the Betas were, at least on some level, drivers’ cars, meant to be rewarding and exciting to drive, even the more mundane family-hauler variants.
The Beta seems to be one of those cars doomed to getting a bad rap from lazy writers who don’t really want to actually look into anything, or find out the truth. I’m trying to do that thing where I cough and it sounds like a word, in this case “Craig!” as in the Worst Cars in the World author Craig Cheetham, but I always kind of hated that trope, so I’m just going to say, Craig, you were lazy. This guy agrees:
Sure. the Beta had its well-known Achilles’ heel, but overall, these seem like genuinely appealing cars, and I don’t think they belong in this shameful tome.
In America, they weren’t particularly well-known, though we did get the sporty Targa-top version here as the Scorpion, which is featured in the somewhat ridiculous 1977 Disney movie, Herbie Goes To Monte Carlo:
There’s only one other significant pop-culture appearance of a Lancia Beta that Americans may be aware of, and that was in the deeply weird 1981 Chevy Chase movie about radioactive waste and its joys and dangers, Modern Problems:
Oh, and I used a non-running and pixel-modified Lancia Beta Scorpion as the car for an amphitheater-based way to play 8-bit Pole Position at the Indianapolis Museum of Art back in 2015:
I’m not sure if that helps or hurts the car’s status in this Worst Cars book, but hopefully it won’t harm it much.
Finally, look at this incredible dashboard some of the later Betas had:
How can you condemn a car with a dash like that into the purgatory of this miserable book?
The Beta is a deeply under-appreciated car. So many people just won’t bother getting past the rust-tarnished reputation, and refuse to see the charming, practical car underneath, practical and engaging to drive.
So, I say, once again, you’re wrong, Craig. This car is not one of the worst in the world. I guess we’ll just keep trying.
‘World’s Worst Cars’ Book Redemption: Lotus Elite
World’s Worst Cars’ Book Redemption: Proton Wira
‘World’s Worst Cars’ Book Redemption: Maserati Biturbo
The rust problem was not helped by the UK Lancia importers going bust. UK cars were undersealed by the dealers, unfortunately hundreds of them got parked on fields by the Kent coast, fields that were also known as saltmarches. By the timee the legal wrangling over the bankruptcy was sorted out the grass had grown under the cars. Theey then went to the dealers who coated the undersides with gloop. The inevitable then happened.
The HPE was a gorgeous thing, if the outside is not proof enough, here is a picture of the back seats!
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/5/52/1978_Lancia_Beta_HPE_S2_interior_DSC_6452_%285499892645%29.jpg/1200px-1978_Lancia_Beta_HPE_S2_interior_DSC_6452_%285499892645%29.jpg?20150125165506
I once had a model car of the Lancia Scorpion. It was so cool with its sideways opening engine cover at the back.
There was one in my neighborhood for many years, under a cover and out in the driveway. I finally saw it in person last year when the owner finally sold it. I never thought a Lancia would last 40+ Minnesota winters.
At first I was thinking this was the car where turning the steering wheel to full lock could break the timing belt but that was the later Gamma. By comparison the rust on these doesn’t sound too bad.
Herbie Monte Carlo was one of my favorite movies as a kid. Never knew what that blue flirting car was, now I do! Now I’m just wondering how many cars they drowned for “Herby goes bananas”
This dashboard ! immediate panic attac if you have tripophobia
Today I learned:
Trypophobia (trip-uh-FOE-bee-uh) is an aversion or repulsion to objects like honeycombs and sponges that have repetitive patterns or clusters of small holes.
Explains why I hate so many grills on modern vehicles.
I think Jason has mixed up the models a bit in the right up. The Targa topped version was known as the Spider in Europe and the Zagato in the States (it was built by Zagato but was a Pininfarina design).
The mid-engine sports car was known as the Beta Monte Carlo in Europe and the Scorpion in the US (to avoid the name clash with Chevrolet).
I feel like referring to the Montecarlo as the “the sporty Targa-top version” of the Beta is burying the lede a bit. Lancia encouraged that themselves at first, but it’s like saying a Fiero was a Pontiac Phoenix Coupe.
I had a 74 Alfetta that was made from the same supply of pre rusted Russian steel. It convinced me that the Italians had ways of making plastic rust.
I’ve owned 2 Alfettas, albeit slightly later ones (’81 2.0TD & ’84 2.4TD) and neither of them rusted out (on the older 2.0 one I put a lot of miles of 4 seasons driving). I think the ‘secret’ was that part of Europe where I grew up didn’t use copious amounts of salt on the roads in the winter.
Alfa Romeos from that era are confirmed to have been made from Italian steel produced in the Taranto steel mills. Contemporary Giulias were made from the same batches of steel and seemingly didn’t have as much rust problems as entry-level Alfas. There is still speculation that the Soviet Union really did partially pay the contract for the production of the Fiat 124 in steel, but this has never been fully confirmed, much less that that stell ever ended up being used in car manufacturing. The theory that some italian base models simply had worse/no corrosion protection to keep costs down seems more likely at this point. I wouldn’y put it past some struggling automakers to extend that kind of cost-cutting to upmarket models.
I have a ’77 Fiat Spider, so this is of particular interest to me. The notion that Russian steal was used in manufacturing is largely believed to be false for Fiat as well. The other urban legend floating around is that these cars were transported on the open decks of cargo ships to save money. As the story goes, when they arrived at US dealers, they were immediately rust-proofed without being washed first, thus trapping two weeks worth of salt spray underneath. Maybe there are isolated examples of this happening, but I doubt it occurred in such numbers as to be responsible for widespread rusting. If indeed Italian cars rusted worse than any other economy car of the day, my hunch is that it’s more likely due to how the cars were made – cheaply, in poorly climate controlled facilities, and in some cases, outside (again, if the internet is to be believed).
But… the UK Betas don’t have -that- excuse. The Encyclopedia Britannica (who should know) say:
“At its widest point The English Channel is 150 miles (240 kilometers) across. At its narrowest it is only 21 miles (34 kilometers) across.”
That there is some pretty fast exposure rusting.
As for your statement:
“If indeed Italian cars rusted worse than any other economy car of the day….”
I ask the Court permission to enter the below into evidence:
U.S. Charges Fiat Failed To Comply With Recall
January 4, 1980 at 7:00 p.m. EST
“The Justice Department yesterday filed a $1.6 million lawsuit against Fiat Motors of North America contending that the automaker failed to recall and buy back 1970-71 model 850 Fiat autos because of a safety-related defect.”
The suit filed in U.S. District Court, also asks the court to order Fiat to recall another 133,500 1970-74 124 model Fiats, because of the same defect — rust corrosion that weakens the car’s underbody.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/business/1980/01/05/us-charges-fiat-failed-to-comply-with-recall/12460886-f1aa-4445-876b-0a214ce2a17e/
Nicely researched! While the government alleges a “known defect”, the case seems to center more on Fiat’s response to the recall and buyback. Furthermore, there are several instances of automakers being sued for rust, including a $3.4 billion class action against Toyota in 2016.
Nevertheless, there is no question that many Italian cars of this era are quite prone to rust. My dad had a ’76ish Fiat 124 coupe that he replaced after only eight months of ownership because according to him, it rusted out in a single Buffalo winter. I will also mention that the car that followed it, a ’79 VW Rabbit, also rusted (this time in Minneapolis) to the extent that one of my earliest childhood memories is of him lifting the driver side floor mat to reveal a sizable portion of the road below.
I don’t think you grasp the scale of the problem:
“They [the Fiat 850] could also rust, like most 60s/70s Fiats, with a vengeance. The rust problems on the 850 were pronounced enough and caused enough to complaints for NHTSA to force Fiat to recall and buy back thousands of cars in 1979, long after the 850 was off the radar as a new vehicle. The buy-back was, at that time, unprecedented.”
The U.S. government forced Fiat to buy back 10 years worth of cars, and asked for another 135,000 to be bought back for the same problem.
Yeah, everything rusted then.. but even by the lax standard of the day, this was BAD. Only the infamous Plymouth Volare came close and that was only front fenders.
https://oldmotors.net/arachnophobia-fiat-850-spider/
January 4, 1980: Happy 25th birthday to me!
And my 1971 128SL fell apart in short order. I bought it in 1974 and it was dead before 1976 due to rust.
As with lots of other little things, this narrative seems deeply rooted in the propaganda of the era. And as it often is the case, there may indeed be some truth at the bottom – it was not uncommon for large scale deals like the one that brough about the Lada to include goods or raw materials as part of the payment, and the USSR was never in great economic shape, but did extract and produce lots of materials that could be leveraged in such a deal. But investigation into this has always led to either conclusive debunking, or at the very least no indication that certain models had ever been made with soviet steel – and the lack of confirmed provenance for a few models gives some semblance of credibility to the myth. The Alfas just strike me as a great example, as the source of the steel is documented beyond any doubt, and the same batches were being used in cars that aren’t normally associated with extreme rust.
Wait? Rust was it’s downfall? Didn’t every car from the 70s and 80’s have severe problems with rust? Kinda unfair to pick on the Beta. And I’m too young to know why it seems like those 2 decades were bad for rust. Different paint?
You’ve never experienced rust until you’ve had a mass market Italian car of this era.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjgHSqdY5nQ
A contemporaneous British tv report on the Lancia Beta’s rust disaster in the UK
Wow.
Let’s face the facts, Jason. I have this same book, and about every damm car in it needs to be redeemed. Notice they made no mention of a Cadillac with the V8-6-4 or Oldsmobile diesel engine! Book was obviously written by a Soviet Commie trying to push new Trabants or Lada’s.
Damn, I haven’t watched “Modern Problems” in decades. Where is it?
Oh hell it’s pay-per-view.
The Trevi strikes me as supremely awkward and makes the “formal roof” GM A/G-bodies seem well-conceived and not at all a hasty project by comparison. Of course, Lancia had to make the rear doors conceived for the fastback sedan work for the Trevi while GM had the luxury of designing their formal notch around the rear doors they’d used on the station wagons all along.
The first car I really noticed and saw on my way out of getting my first pair of glasses at age 8 in 1982 was a faded red Beta sedan – I lived in a (suddenly less blurry) world of Detroit iron with the occasional Japanese car thrown in, so it was quite a curiosity!
A ’79 Beta Berlina was the second of my grandparents’ two Lancias (the first was a Series I Flaminia Berlina, the one that had wipers on the inside and outside of the rear window). ’79 was the last year the Berlina—that would be the fastback-not-a-hatchback sedan—was imported to the US, and the only year it was sold here with the 1995cc engine; I think I determined at one point that about 300 Beta 2000 Berlinas were sold here.
My parents used to borrow the Beta sometimes when my mom’s Renault LeCar, their only car after they sold my dad’s Opel GT for $200, was in the shop and the dealer was out of Gremlin loaners. Wild times, the early ’80s. By the time I came along a few years later, the Beta had been replaced by a Cadillac Seville.
As a college Freshman in 1987, I bought a ‘76 Beta Coupe to replace my hit-by-a-doofus 124 Spider. It was quite similar to the red coupe pictured above. What a great car! Brown leather seating? Check! I was the fanciest 18-year-old in town. After 11 years plying the Ohio roads, it wasn’t particularly rusty, either. Well, by 80’s standards anyway. I had a good time in the car. Later, I traded it in on a lightly used Yugo GV. I shit you not.
I practically had a Scorpion fall out of the sky and into my garage back in 2020. I firmly believe in those “this car was meant to be” moments, and it was one of those. Being her caretaker is absolutely wonderful. She had a mid-90s restoration and they did the best they could in the pre-internet era, and they did a dang good job for that. Is there rust? Sure, a little surface corrosion on the vestigial trunk floor, but nowhere important. It’s certainly not problematic rust. Are parts hard to get? Not really! The Fiat network incorporates the Lancia folks these days and you can get more or less anything really needed, especially as a lot of parts are from the Fiat parts bin. But really, they are just such a joy to drive, an absolute giggle, like a 100hp micro-exotic that sounds like half a Ferrari bombing around at 4 grand.
The worst thing about Scorpion ownership? The loneliness. You go to Cars and Coffee or a show and maybe one or two people know it. What little attention you get is mostly of the *what IS that?” variety. You may have to travel hundreds of miles before you can find another Scorp owner and even in major cities, there’s only ever a small handful at most.
As for pre vs. post Fiat Lancia ownership, it used to be a bit tetchy, but these days it’s all good and the “true” Lancia thing is over. More people know post-Fiat Lancias than pre-Fiat these days thanks to their rally history. Among other Lancia owners, I’ve never felt like I was treated as a “lesser” owner for owning a $3500 Scorpion.
You own my little brothers dream car, if you ever meet he’ll talk to you about it for hours.
So there are worse things than being ignored.
Oh no way, getting to talk to someone for hours about Lancias would be a dream come true!
This is the first “worst car” where I’m really inclined to agree with Craig. Lancia fans derided them as “not real Lancias”. They weren’t particularly groundbreaking in any fashion, neither in design or engineering. Other cars that were similar in design were available at similar price points, but were much better cars.
And worst of all, the sedan was allegedly the inspiration for the GM FWD X-bodies. And that’s all I’m going to say about that.
Most of the reviews I’ve read from the time compared the Scorpion to the Porsche 924, I recon cause “cheap, sporty euro” more than direct equal. I have driven a few of those too. I would take my Scorp any day over a 924. Way more fun and believe it or not, way less problematic. It’s just a Lampredi twin cam tipped over slightly and slapped in the back end, a perfectly reasonable engine. While historically, Lancia fans did have a bit of snobbery once upon a time, that is gone these days. I’ve never felt like I was treated poorly as a post-Fiat owner.
I suspect that the Lancia fans in question aren’t referring to the Montecarlo
“not particularly groundbreaking” and poor value are NOT enough to land a car on the “World’s Worst Cars” list.
Maybe the first car I wanted to save was a gold early Scorpion, rusted with blocks of wood for wheel chocks to hold it where it had been parked on an incline and apparently forgotten by the pile of nature’s detritus gathered underneath. I knew what it was and that it wasn’t powerful and I didn’t care. Never discovered who the owner was, though I’m not sure I had enough money at 11 to buy it at scrap value or what I’d do with it, anyway, but I felt like someone had to save such a cool car. A few years later, a guy not far from there was selling a Daimler SP250, but it was just a bit out of my price range. I think it was $6k. There was a Beta Zagato that used to cruise the town and I loved the weirdness of the multi-piece roof. That’s how it was back then with random odd balls scattered about the map of even lower middle class neighborhoods like gravel out of a dump truck, its methed-out driver weaving down the highway. Now it’s rare to see anything that isn’t the usual cruise night suspects or soulless overpowered new crap.
Is that a “let’s all go to the lobby” T-shirt?
Always liked Lancias, right up there with old T-Rex
You Beta, you Beta, you bet !
How could this piece of art be on the list? Is the guy dead inside? Has he no soul?
Thanks for correcting this miscarriage of justice.
Most likely. In his other book about (allegedly) the best and most iconic sports cars we’ve got such pieces like ’98 Mustang, Panoz Roadster or…LCC Rocket?
It’s a late 90s book and it shows.
This brings up another question. How did the “author” convince the publisher to print two opinion picture books?
“a coupé that didn’t look like a hatchback and wasn’t”
This is why I come here.
Me too. That list of body styles didn’t need to be fun at all, and yet it made me snort with laughter.
Thank you! It makes me very happy when this kind of thing gets appreciated. You’re very kind to point it out!
You’re very kind to let me read it for free.
In the dashboard pic, I love how the pictogram in the top right circle doesn’t align with the slant of the other circles or the left edge of the glove box lid, but isn’t vertical either.
I’ll admit, I loved the Scorpion when I was a kid and I still like them. The Beta was a good looking vehicle.
70s and into the 80s, had an 84 Isuzu P’up that rusted out from underneath itself, an 80s Brat, same issue, the rear axle actually rusted itself free from the unibody. And it wasn’t the cheap Japanese steel, had an 86 Chevy Celebrity that by 1992(just 6 years!) the floorboard and bottoms of the doors were rusting out in good old American steel fashion. Granted 2 out of 3 of these were in New England back when the salt was strong, but the P’up was in Virginia so don’t get that one.
Also that Dash is amazing, practical no, but amazing.
Had an ’85 Celebrity (the freakin’ Eurosport no less) in high school, and it got full-on rust holes in the doors. I spent my summers trying to fix/delay it.
Agreed on the dash, just needs more toggle switches.
My 86 was a Eurosport! 4 door but had the front buckets with the console shifter, and carbureted 2.8. Remember having to pump the pedal before starting it, at least it had the auto-choke, technology!
I remember it fondly but yeah it was not built to last.