It’s that time again! It’s time to redeem one of the cars from the thick 2005 tome of unfair automotive assessments, Craig Cheetham’s The World’s Worst Cars. This book, I maintain, is more accurately thought of a volume of interesting cars, not worst cars. And I’m going to prove that one by one, as I redeem each car! Every day! I’m only regretting starting this a little bit!
As you may recall, the method used to select what car to redeem from the book is highly sophisticated: I write a small BASIC program into my Commodore PET to pick a random number, which references a page number, and whatever car happens to be on that page is the car I redeem.
So, let’s see what car gets its redemption today!
Ah yes, 293! A prime number! And, more importantly, the number of this page in The World’s Worst Cars:
The MG Montego! Now, I’ll admit, I know this is only day three of me doing this, but this is the first time I got a car I’m genuinely unfamiliar with. So, I’ll be relying more on outside sources as opposed to my own experience, but these will be trustworthy sources, I promise. I mean, I think they will be.
The MG Montego entry in the book suggests that the MG Montego, fundamentally a badge-engineered version of the Austin Maestro/Montego, was a “sales and marketing disaster” and a “very cynical interpretation of the classic MG name.” These feel somewhat hyperbolic to me, and while I don’t want to begrudge any author the chance to really enjoy some nice, rich hyperbole, I’m not sure these assessments really paint an accurate picture of the car.
The MG Montego was released in April 1984, and was the high-performance version of the Austin Montego, which was British Leyland’s entry into the modern front-wheel drive mainstream car market. Keep in mind, at the time even this now-expected layout was somewhat novel among British mainstream sedan (fine, saloon) cars of the period, like the RWD Ford Sierra.
The Montegos – under whatever marque they were badged as – were well-designed, competent cars that unfortunately suffered from strikes and bad management and quality control problems and the whole spectrum of 1980s British maladies. So, there definitely were some reasons that could suggest why the Montego ended up on this nefarious list, but the more you look at the car itself, I think the less fair this assessment becomes.
Compared to other versions of the 2-liter inline-4 O-series engine in the Montego, the turbocharged MG version was quite potent, making a very-respectable-for-the-’80s 150 horsepower, where the normally-aspirated versions of the same engine made, with electronic fuel injection, a still decent 117 hp. These were actually decently quick – it did 0-60 in 8.5 seconds! That’s not bad!
I asked our resident, captive Briton, Adrian Clarke, about these cars, and he said the MG versions of these cars were the best ones, and that they had talking dashboards and he said “Once they started building them properly they were good cars. Not the best but they were popular as a Sierra/Cavalier competitor.” That’s maybe not glowing praise, but coming from Adrian, someone who loves a good kvetching about things more than most people enjoy delicious ice cream sundaes, that’s pretty damn good.
And, he was right about the talking dash! Look! Or, maybe, listen!
The MG Montego was a sort of technological showcase for British Leyland, featuring a very 80s-tastic digital dashboard:
Yes, you get more talking here, you’re a very lucky person! In addition to all the technology crammed inside the car, it was one of BL’s first cars to be designed using CAD software, too.
Styling-wise, it looked a lot like other ’80s smallish sedans, simple and unadorned, but with some nice crisp character lines and great details like those Mercedes-Benz-like ribbed taillights (complete with a heckblende?). Plus, I think the wraparound, three-pane rear window treatment is quite striking, too.
Oh, oh, oh, look what I was just shown! On the Austin version of the Montego at least – it may be on the MG version too, I’m not entirely sure – look what the dashboard featured:
Light up stalks are cool. ???? pic.twitter.com/vEVcuX98Ws
— Chloe Anastasia Phillips (@VHSChloe) July 31, 2024
Light-up stalks. Illuminated control stalks! I’m not certain I’ve seen another car that has these? There must have been some, but come on! A car with illuminated stalks (even if its just its badge-engineered sibling) can’t be in a Worst Cars Book!
So, let’s take a look at this thing through the Worst Car lens, because that’s why we’re here. Nearly all of the assessments of the MG Montego I’ve seen online have had generally the same message: once you got past the early quality control problems and all that crap, what you have is a fairly handsome and fun four-door sports sedan, with good technology for the era and a rewarding driving experience.
That may not be enough to put the MG Montego onto Mount Car Olympus, but it sure as hell doesn’t seem like the recipe for a “Worst Car.”
Craig, you’re wrong again! When will you learn?
Wow you’re really doing this every day?
My respect for you has gone up immensely, Torch.
These look pretty decent, especially that front view
LIGHT UP STALKS?! AMAZING!!!
My Dad had an Austin Montego for a time when I was growing up. Always wanted one of these!
I drove one once, the overwhelming memory of it was torque steer. 150hp doesn’t sound like a lot today. but it was more than the chassis and 80’s tyres could really handle. By all accounts the MG Maestro (Golf sized hatchback on the same platform) was worse in this respect.
Commenting on the previous episode…I had an X-90 and it was great.
Does the book mention the massive torque steer?
Ugh, I might have to disagree with Torch here. The Maestro (at least the non-MG versions) was a deeply beige car at best. At worst they were often so badly built they were practically falling apart from new. It was the 80’s equivalent of the Moris Marina.
The MG version was just a gilded turd.
When I was at uni there was this girl. She wasn’t just attractive, she was like a window into another, much better universe. My girlfriend at the time called her the incredible blonde.
She lost the title after we found out she drove a beige Maestro. She was dead to us.
Do you still happen to have her number? If driving a boring car is her biggest flaw I think I can live with that. Plus, no arguments about who gets to drive the fun car on weekends. I think I’m in love. 😉
Her number? I never even got her name.
It was worth a shot. 🙂
So you closed the window JUST because of a lousy car?
Wow!
I also had a girlfriend and am cursed with morals.
As long as it wasn’t just the car.
We had a Maestro in the early 90s. Briefly, that is, because the entire wheel assembly on the driver’s side fell of whilst pulling out of a parking space.
“very cynical interpretation of the classic MG name.”
Oh man, this guy is going to shit out of his eyes when he sees what “MG” make now.
That was my thoughts as well,he would be thrilled.
Any “worst cars” book that leads with a lovable lil’ Amphicar on the front is a) full of crap and b) my future shopping list for if I ever have money.
The Amphicar is in my top 5 of cars I want to own someday.
SAME! I know I keep saying I want an aircooled 911 next, but if an Amphicar materializes…well, then we’re goin’ boatin’.
I crave for the flex of pulling up to a car show and parking next to some bit-coin jerk’s Hurican in my boat-car with a captain’s hat on. License plate saying SRFNTRF
oh heck yeah
My wife and I got a ride in one at The Boathouse at Disney Springs. It was expensive enough that it kept the wait time down, but not so high as to be ridiculous. It was, honestly, an awesome automotive/maritime experience that we will never forget. We got a cool picture of us going down the boat launch in it and had a nice nighttime cruise around the lake. 10/10 would do again.
Maaaaaan. I’ve never really felt a need to do Disney anything (beyond when I was little) until I saw they have a big ol’ pond full of Amphicars. I want an Amphicar so much!
Light up stalks? Fiat Tipo/Tempra had these, which was handy as there were quite a few functions crammed into the things..
Light-up stalks…Subaru XT?
Oh! Another point! The montego and maestro used the transverse o-series and a-series, which mean (I’m 99% certain) the automatics were AP in-sump automatic transmissions which are my stupid fascination.
I think they used a ZF or BW slushbox since the manual cars used a conventional end on transaxle sourced from VW.
Correct: 2 litres used a 4 speed ZF auto and 1.6 the 3 speed VW Golf unit (not sure if that was a BW…)
My 1983 Maestro is early enough to have the notorious R-series engine. As Slow Joe Crow notes, its VW-sourced manual gearbox is mounted end-on. I’m not familiar with the later cars, though.
Oh man, torch, you got 3 articles in a series in a row! Keep it up! Loving these!
Also, I loved reading about the generic beige cars that very few people try preserving when I lived in the uk. There is a magazine called practical classics and MG Montegos and platform mates were exactly the sort of thing they wrote about
Three days in a row is easier to remember. I expect one on Friday and forgotten by Monday. One a week series would not work for a man with so much automotive ephemera bouncing around in the old noggin’.
It’s worth checking out the cassette tape (on youtube) called “Montego For A Day” which was a Murray Walker narrated test drive companion selling the car!
I’m getting Dodge Shadow vibes from this car.
Brilliant click-bait of an idea for this site!
I will be back every day to see if one of the cars I’ve owned will make it to the pages of a book I will never buy.
Its apparent UK origin reminds me of the days when I would go to Barnes and Noble and blow $20 a month on British car magazines that rubbed my nose in seemingly cool cars I would never see in the US.
Years later, on vacation, I was lucky enough to rent a 2004 Peugeot 307 in France and a 2006 Fiat Chroma station wagon/estate (both diesel and manuals!) in Italy and drive on the French Autoroutes and Italian Autostrade. The tolls, especially in France, were pretty shocking, but the pavement and signage was perfect.
In Italy, it wasn’t Ferraris and Lambos that blasted past us. It was black Audi and Volvo estates that went flying by.
That’s so fucking cool. I always wanted light-up stalks. My Prius v could use it, in particular, for the rear wiper. One direction goes to intermittent, the other direction goes to spray, and it’s roughly the same “resistance” in both directions.
But it seems not even the fanciest cars get those…for some reason.
Wednesday’s Worlds Worst
There, fixed it all for ya.
Does anyone find it weird that the book specifically calls out the MG Montego, the most desirable version of the car, as opposed to the original Austin version, the version after Austin was discontinued (it never actually became a Rover, was sold without a brand), or the version that Chinese cigarette company created from a Montego front clip grafted onto a Maestro body?
https://chinacarhistory.com/2021/04/26/the-complete-story-of-the-austin-maestro-in-china/
There really are some excellent tidbits of information in there. Like the cigarette company not having a licence to manufacture cars so it was sold as a 5 seater bus.
There was also the Indian Sipani Montego, produced in Bangalore after British production finished which was a complete flop – delayed to market/way too expensive because of issues with duties and with a crappy distribution network. I only ever saw one in real life.
Craig Cheetham / Jim Spanfeller separated at birth?
I love this segment dearly.
And I find it hilarious that this guy is getting his comeuppance. I bet he never thought anyone would be countering his opinions as hoards of Autopians cheer on and scream things like “suck it Craig!” at our phones.
All together now…
SUCK IT CRAIG!!!
If you trust them. then we should as well. Especially as one of those sources was Adrian, who I would trust with… well. maybe not my life, but someone’s.
Your dog? Your neighbor’s dog? No?
Yours.
I find your lack of faith disturbing.
Did someone say Beatleguise three times?
Laundering your darkest clothes?
On the plus side, there is NOTHING from the 1980s that isn’t made better with grid lines! Extra points if they’re red, like these.
And for those who weren’t there, just like with riots of neon color, very few things back then actually had them, that’s what made them so cool when they did appear. We really did want things to be more futuristic than they were at the time.
And now that we know how the future turned out, we realize just how stupid it was to want that.
In fairness, back then, we wanted that future to be physical – flying cars, robots everywhere, more spaceships. We never expected it would be mostly people using computers to yell at each other and exchange pictures of pets doing silly things.
We got the future we deserve.
I tried-ish.
Because “Tron” was cool if you didn’t listen to the dialog.
Part of the reason I liked Tron Legacy – it nicely replicated that feature. 😉
I believe that’s a distinction that belongs to the 1981 Triumph Acclaim, aka. Honda Civic.
I think you have missed the Triumph 1300, and the mini. The Triumph did become RWD in 1970, bizarrely the publicity bumph of the time completely failed to mention this minor bit of re-engineering but did highlight the new interior fabric choices a lot.
Those were introduced before their respective marques became part of British Leyland. For BL itself I’d have to go with the ADO71 1800/2200/Princess as the entry point.
You’re right, but I think the “modern” part may be where it falls apart. The Princess had modern styling, yes, but they still had the same old tractor engines that BL/MG/Austin had been using since the 60s at least. The Acclaim/Civic at least had a drivetrain designed within the previous decade.
The 2200 BMC E-series engine available in the Princess is considerably more modern than the 1800 BMC B-series but, I admit, not as modern as the similarly-named Honda E-series (EN4) used in the Acclaim. My Maestro has a BL R-series engine, which is essentially a BMC E-series, so I like to think it’s a reasonable point of comparison against the Acclaim.
I agree that in its entirety my ’82 Acclaim feels considerably more modern and mainstream than my ’82 Allegro, ’83 Maestro, or former ’82 Metro, but some of that may be due simply to the benefit of hindsight in that so much of the philosophy of the Acclaim/Ballade was carried forward by Honda into other designs and was echoed by others so as to become globally familiar, unlike the distinctive but ultimately discontinued philosophies of the in-house BL designs of that era. I’m not sure this impression would have been so readily formed at the time.
To be fair the bri-nylon was very stylish.
The Mini basically invented the ‘front-wheel drive mainstream car market’, in the UK at least.
I wondered how long it would be until a daily feature began to weigh on our dear Torch, given how quickly most (if not all) of the weekly stuff petered out. But it’s great while it lasts and that much more fun when it comes back!
“Montego Monday”?!
Which luckily can intersect with Mercury Monday when it’s time for an 8000 word retrospective on the Mercury Montego! (Which is probably why you said that)
I’d read it.
Does it come with a repeat of the brochure photo of the couple with the harpoon?
Because that’s the only way it’s acceptable.
I actually hope it’s a massively disappointing breakdown of the Ford Five Hundred badge job from the ’00s. Give me that.