‘World’s Worst Cars’ Book Redemption: Suzuki X90

Remember yesterday, when I said I was starting a daily series where I would get an old computer to pick a random page in the 2005 book, The World’s Worst Cars, written by Craig Cheetham, and then I would do my best to redeem whatever car was being lambasted on that page? Well, I meant what I said, and here we are on the next day already, so it’s time for another Worst Car redemption. This is a project worth doing because this book, like so many of these books about what are allegedly the world’s worst cars, are really just lazy collections of what I believe are interesting cars. This daily redemption I believe will prove that to be true.

Now, as a reminder, the way this is done is by running a small BASIC random number generator program on a 1980s Commodore PET; it picks a number between 1 and 317, and I go to that page and see what car is on the page! Are we ready?

Okay, let’s run the program and see what we get:

The PET picks page 309! What’s on page 309?

A Suzuki X-90! Sure, the X-90 was a strange car in many ways, but worst? There’s no way this charming kook of a car belongs in a Worst Cars in the World book, so let’s redeem Suzuki’s happy little mutant.

Let’s be absolutely clear here: the Suzuki X-90 was a deeply, boldly weird concept. It was essentially a two-seat sporty car with a T-top roof so it could be an open-air car, something like a Honda Del Sol, mounted on a four-wheel drive (RWD was also available, but the Platonic ideal of the X-90 I think is the 4WD one) chassis, complete with a high ride height and ground clearance and a stiff, rugged suspension setup. It was an unlikely combination of concepts – sporty two-seater and smallish off-roader – and while it didn’t exactly resonate with a lot of people (only about 7,205 X-90s were sold between 1996 and 1998), it was definitely novel.

The X-90 absolutely had personality; it had proportions that almost felt cartoon-like, almost like a kid’s drawing of a car, which was the butt of jokes about the car, as Jeremy Clarkson milked in this old Top Gear segment:

Two things: that’s a cute little kiddo and no, I don’t think it’s “stupid looking.” I think it’s fun looking. It looks like a good, mildly silly time, and what’s wrong with that? And, sure, it’s small, but as far as room and practicality goes, it’s not really any worse than other smallish sports cars or off-roaders of the era. It has about as much room up front as a Jeep Wrangler, and holds more cargo than a Wrangler of the era, and holds that cargo in a way where it’s a lot less likely to get stolen. The X-90 has a usable little trunk, much more practical than the Wrangler’s open narrow storage well behind the back seat.

The X-90 had an interior that was a lot more car-like and refined compared to other small off-roaders of the era, including Suzuki’s own Samurai and Sidekick, and was comparable to small sporty cars of the time, your Del Sols and Toyota Paseos and Nissan Pulsars and whatnot. It also had upholstery available in the finest 1990s casio/movie-theater carpet patterns, which I unashamedly love, and that included the door card upholstery, as you can see:

The X-90 also has the distinction of having one of the strangest special editions: in Europe, the X-90 was sold as the Suzuki Vitara (the car the X-90 was based on) X-90 Philippe Cousteau Special Edition, named for the son of the famous oceanographic explorer Jaques Cousteau, who also continued in his father’s diving and filmmaking and exploratory exploits. Cousteau died in 1979, nearly 20 years before the X-90 came out, and I’m not really sure I fathom the connection here.

The Phillipe Cousteau edition did come with a font bull bar, fender flares, and running boards, among other things, so that’s fun, even if it’s all still a little baffling.

Thanks to the rugged suspension (MacPherson struts and coils up front, coils, wishbones, trailing links out back) ride was a bit stiffer and harsher than some of the small sporty cars you may be tempted to compare it with, but at least there was a reason: it could go off-road! And compared to other off-road focused cars, it was a good bit more civilized.

Sure, you’re probably not going to take it rock crawling, but it was capable of some basic off-roading, and, with the addition of bigger tires probably a number of other mods and a certain amount of healthy madness, people have managed to do a shocking amount of off-roading with these. Look!

That’s impressive! Now, the 1.6-liter inline-four made about 95 horsepower and wasn’t exactly a powerhouse, but it was decent enough, especially for the time (remember, a Honda Del Sol only made about 106 hp) and delivered reasonable fuel economy, in the mid-20s.

This was a car all about being unconventional and fun, the sort of thing that Suzuki’s marketing could only express via Pez dispensers:

Yes, it was a weird car, based on a weird idea, and appealing to weird people with weird demands for a car. But that hardly makes it the worst of anything. In fact, in a lot of ways, it makes it the best – as in, the X-90 had to be the best compact T-topped two-seater 4×4 with a trunk ever made.

I mean, Red Bull picked these to use as their promotional cars before they went to Minis! That has to mean something, right?

Picking the X-90 as a “worst” car is just small, crabbed thinking. That’s all it is. The car wasn’t a mainstream success, but that’s because it was a bold experiment that tried to do something new, tried to carve out a new, unheard-of niche, and while that niche didn’t really catch on, I think the car itself accomplished the task it set for itself quite well. The X-90 was what it was, and, in that extremely specific context, it was a success. They’re still cool today, and when you see one, I defy you not to smile, at least a little bit, because these things are just fun, rendered in metal and rubber.

Suzuki X-90, consider yourself redeemed. Owners of copies of The World’s Worst Cars, please tear out pages 308 – 309.

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