Oh, hey. I didn’t see you there. I see you’ve notice my boxes here. Yeah, it’s okay, I get it, don’t be shy. Come on a bit closer, if you want. It’s okay, I totally understand – this is the sort of box that gets some attention. I wouldn’t have them out here in public if I was afraid of a people coming up, after all! I know what boxes like these can do to people. Trust me, you’re not the first! So, don’t be shy, come on over!
That’s real Dutch corrugated cardboard there, triple-ply, with the middle corrugation pattern perpendicular to the outer two. It what we in the box world call the “sandwich of strength,” and yeah, it’s the best. No question. Did you ask if it could stop a bullet? No? I coulda sworn you said that. Well, technically, I’m not really allowed to say it could, but, between you and me, if the bullets are flyin’, one of these babies is going on my head.
I can see you want to touch the handles. It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s natural to want to slide your fingers into that incredible rounded-rectangle hole there. I mean, look at it: a perfect perforation in the unyielding brown plane, practically begging for your touch. I know the feeling. I’m just sorry I have to say no, and it’s not personal – you just aren’t worthy.
Hey, hey, calm down, I know that sounds bad, but all I mean is that these boxes are, you know, too good for you, you know what I mean? No offense. Anyway, there’s so much to appreciate here even from a couple feet away – which reminds me, would you mind taking a step back?
Okay, okay, that’s enough for your morning character study/fiction part of the day. For enduring that, please enjoy this video that also features an FSO Fiat, like the cars above, but showing their incredible wiper/washer system:
Man, that’s fantastic.
I know you guys like to make dirty jokes about boxes, but as the owner of an e-commerce company, by which I mean I sell junk on eBay, I really do appreciate a nice box.
…who did you chop up and put in the box?
The ultimate way to prove how broken my humor is:
As the fortunes of the Denver Broncos continued to slide, John Elway found himself peddling moving boxes from the back of Polish station wagon.
Neigh!
I saw the picture and just knew it was Dutch. Language on those beautiful boxes confirmed it (I actually live 1 km from a Dutch cardboard factory)
Do they make the 3-ply kind?
Carrot in the box?
RIP S. Locke
Looks like a dating service for boxes, so a boxing match.
“Okay, okay, that’s enough for your morning character study/fiction part of the day.”
Eh, that wasn’t nearly as insufferable as real life “turns heads” attention seekers.
Hurray! Somebody is paying attention. This is about me right? (winking emoji)
WHATS IN THE BOX!
Richard
Don’t be a dick.
Pain
Schrödinger’s cat
I’m sorry. The correct answer is Gwyneth Paltrow’s head.
“NOTHING! Absolute nothing! STUPID! You’re so stupid!”
I LOVE UHF!!!
ALSO: “MY MOOOOOOOP!!!”
Bitch
Look who’s talking…maybe talk about cars for once
That is the pose of a man ready to introduce you to an exciting chance to get in on the ground floor of a new network of independent box sellers. You just need to by a starter sales pack from him (you can even use the boxes yourself, at such a savings!) and then sell starter sales packs to 20 of your friends and family!! Sell 25,000 boxes and you too can get a 45 year old station wagon!
This is the answer…
Reading this headline reminds me of the Carlin “7 Dirty words” bit “we gonna snatch that pussy, stuff it in a box and take it on an airplane”
I appreciate Jason’s fever-dream fiction.
But I’m not as good as some and had no idea what that car was from the picture. Maybe in the future at least say a LITTLE BIT about the car?
Also, what is the red off-center taillight below the bumper? And what is the on-center white one for? For someone who frequents the 3rd best tailight bar in the west (or something like that), I would have expected some coments on the lighting from you.
Backup light and fog light, both afterthoughs to the original old Fiat 125 design from the sixties, as this is probably a polish FSO 125p from sometime in the early nineties, judging from the plastic hubcaps and the guy’s clothes – and “classic” was usually put on eastern block cars to signify that they had been on the market for a LONG time…
Less insanity, but infinitely more information than Jason’s entire post. Thanks!
EDIT: And I just noticed this quick bit, “an FSO Fiat, like the cars above,” where Jason accidently let it slip that there were cars in the picture, and what they were.
Look at the guy’s hand. This looks like he wasn’t even at the car, looking at the boxes.
I could be wrong, but it just doesn’t look like he’s actually leaning on this car, and if he were, he’d slide right off.
What is the purpose of this article? I was hoping for something interesting about a neat old wagon.
We all just kind of let Jason do whatever he wants for the first article of the day. Often it’s an old ad where he’ll make up a story about what’s going on in the image; sometimes he shares pictures of literal garbage in the corner of a parking garage.
It’s best to allow Jason to be Jason. Otherwise, all the weird gets bottled up, and his head might explode.
Actually I would enjoy a bottled up explosion of Jason weird brain article.
Since when do JT articles need a purpose?
Did you arrive here by accident? Perhaps from another planet?
The highly interesting boxes are clearly there to try and bring your attention away from the embarrassing fact that they used the sedan doors on the station wagon, just like on Volvo 145/245 and Citroën BX/XM. But it’s not really working…
Citroën BX/XM, another French fantasy, that I want. Love that the initials translate to something that seems kinky.
Two quite different but great cars.. Both with hack job estate versions:
Citroén BX
Citroén XM
-but they did manage to finally take the station wagon genre seriously and come up with the absolutely beautiful xantia break
Well yeah, those boxes are pretty damn cool. But this is a car site, and if I’m not mistaken, that white automobile is a Classic car.
Torch, I feel like I just read a transcription of some sketchy audio porn. Ummm…
Ahem!