Happy Friday, Autopians! It’s time for another four-way shootout, and boy is it a strange one. You know it has been a bizarre week when the least odd winner was a Fiero with screwed-on fender flares. Maybe next week I’ll counterbalance it by making you choose from the most boring cars I can find.
It’s no surprise that a van used for a bachelor party weekend isn’t, in fact, a desirable vehicle. You will simply never get the BO and beer farts out of that interior, no matter what methods you resort to. And as much fun as a Gambler event looks like, and I do hope to experience one for myself one day, actually driving around in a car that has been so transformed takes a special kind of thick skin, and I’m not surprised most of you don’t have it. I sure don’t.
So the Fiero it is. And while we’d all rather have an ’88 Formula or GT, an ’84 with a stick is probably 75% as much fun, for about 10% of the price. Undo whatever the seller did to the taillights, remove the bra on the front, add some big-ass driving lights, and go bomb around.
So that’s our foursome for the week. Let’s recap our winners, and then you can pick your favorite. No weird themes or rules this time; these cars are weird enough.
1984 Pontiac Fiero – $2,500
The Pontiac Fiero is one of those cars I should have bought when they were everywhere in good condition for $1,000. They weren’t exactly rare; Pontiac built almost 400,000 of them over five years, and for the longest time, basic four-cylinder versions like this were unwanted and therefore cheap. Now, $2,500 gets you this one, which, while it runs and drives fine, has suffered some cosmetic indignities that aren’t going to be easily remedied.
The biggest problem is still the taillights: it looks like someone painted over them and stuck big black chunks of God-knows-what on them. I doubt they still function as taillights or brake lights. You can find used taillights on eBay, but that seems to be about the only source, unless you get lucky and find one in your local junkyard.
1964 Studebaker Champ 3/4 Ton Pickup – $4,900
Old trucks are a great choice for a classic vehicle because they can earn their keep instead of just being purely for entertainment. Are they fun to drive? Well, not in the twisty-road, rev-matching downshift way you’re probably thinking of, they’re not. But if bombing down a back road at 50 MPH with your arm out the window is your scene, this is your vehicle.
This Studebaker offers bragging rights over typical Chevy and Ford trucks by being so rare. Yes, that means you’ll have to work harder to find some parts, but the conversations at Cars & Coffee will be worth it.
1966 Austin FX4 London Taxi – $3,000
And speaking of conversation starters, how about a vehicle that has carried thousands of strangers on short jaunts all over one city? This Austin FX4 was created for the sole purpose of being a taxicab, and more specifically, a London taxicab. Out of that context, it doesn’t really make much sense. For one thing, it’s slow: It’s hard to find exact specs for this car, but one source I found shows a 0-60 time of 36 seconds and a top speed of 65 MPH. It probably spent most of its service life at half that speed or less.
It is instantly recognizable, iconic, and charming, however. You will not be left alone if you drive this. One of them showed up to the All-British Field Meet in Portland last year, and it had a crowd around it all day, even among that jaded bunch. You’d better be ready to answer questions, and let people sit in the back.
1989 Laforza – $6,500
Automotive history is littered with failures, small companies that didn’t make it, grand ideas that didn’t pan out for one reason or another. Laforza is one such company; Rayton-Fissore, an Italian coachbuilder, took an Iveco truck chassis, stuck an SUV body on it designed by Tom Tjaarda and built by Pininfarina, stuffed a Ford truck engine and transmission under the hood, and sold twelve hundred of them.
These orphans make for cool conversation pieces, but finding parts to keep them on the road can be a challenge. Luckily, like most such cars, the Laforza borrows heavily from other automakers’ parts bins, so finding what you need is often just a matter of knowing how to cross-reference.
So there they are, your choices for the week. Use whatever criteria you see fit to choose your favorite, but do explain your choice in the comments. It’s more fun that way. See you next week!
(Image credits: Craigslist sellers)
“The biggest problem is still the taillights” (Fiero).
Umm, no.
The biggest problem is the blatantly wrong offset wheels, clearly showing on the fronts. This is likely the reason the flares were added, to hide the missing portions of the fenders where they ground them off after discovering they hit the rubber.
Still, the entry price is good and parts are plentiful and cheap, so Fiero it is.