Since the days of the Hummer, military-style vehicles have held a place in society as ruggedly cool for some. Today, an entire segment of rugged, tough, battle-ready SUVs and trucks exist. Now, we want your input on which of these two apocalypse-themed pickups you’d rather have since they both recently went up for auction. Do the sellers of these cars know something we don’t know?
In one corner we have the 2020 Terradyne Gurkha RPV, a Ford F550-based armored vehicle with a turbo diesel V8, four-wheel drive, and a roof-mounted hatch. Think of sort like a larger, slower, less attractive version of a Lamborghini LM002 but with some serious military equipment.
In the opposing corner is this 2013 RAM 3500 Tradesman 4X4. No, it might not have the hardcore armor that the Terradyne does but it’s not showing up to this battle empty-handed. It features an inline-six turbo diesel, four-wheel drive, far fewer miles on the clock, more horsepower, and a 50-caliber gun turret (sans gun) at the rear.
Terradyne Gurkha RPV
To kick things off let’s focus on the Terradyne since it’s the more expensive, newer, and more serious of the two. The automaker builds several vehicles and this is what it calls the RPV or Rapid Patrol Vehicle. It weighs up to 15,500 pounds and comes with real B7/Stanag 2 armoring. According to Armormax, “B7 protection is the strongest level of protection used to stop armor-piercing bullets from high-velocity rifles including sniper rifles.”
It also comes with a 40-gallon fuel tank, tires rated for 81 mph, and some 750 lb-ft of torque. This particular example also comes with leather upholstery, deadbolts to keep the doors locked, a rear-seat entertainment center, and seating for five. Several days remain on its auction over at Cars and Bids and someone is already willing to spend $79,999. That figure is somewhat impressive considering that it has some 44,000 miles on the odometer.
On top of that, the CarFax history reports that it was in an accident in September 2021. Perhaps more hilariously it says that the vehicle wasn’t damaged in the accident. Of course it wasn’t but I shudder to think of what the other vehicle looks like. There’s no way to be sure but commenters in the auction are estimating that it gets roughly eight miles per gallon. That’s right, this gets roughly the same fuel economy as a Bugatti Chiron Pur Sport.
The Battle Ram
The other option here is a 2013 RAM 3500 Tradesman 4X4 which might sound strange initially since it has no real armor at all. The kicker is that it is so heavily modified in other ways that it makes for a fun comparison. According to the auction page, the owner of Spikes Tactical actually commissioned this truck. As such, its big attention-grabber is a gun turret in the bed.
It seats two people with fold-down aircraft jump seats. The gear shifter is from an A-10 “Warthog” Thunderbolt II aircraft. The exhaust tip is made from an AR-15 rifle. This thing seems to have every bit of militaristic memorabilia possible.
Those who prefer real power they can show off rather than faux military gear will appreciate the engine. It supposedly makes some 820 horsepower and 1,200 lb-ft of torque. There’s no question that this truck should be capable of outrunning the Terradyne by some measure. Of course, there is a slight issue we should divulge.
The Michelin XZL tires at each corner are undoubtedly tough and capable. At the same time, they’re speed rated for just 55 mph. That’s right, this massive beast doesn’t have rubber built to go any faster. Despite all of the gear we see here it’s not capable of doing a 0-60 mph test without traveling outside of its own safety envelope.
The truck has undergone some big changes in its life. Back in 2015, it debuted on YouTube with a full walkaround video but it looked very different. The turret was still the focal point but the paint was a gunmetal gray with a toothy graphic on the sides. The wheels were different, it didn’t have the cage on the bed that it does now, and the seats were black cloth.
While it might have more modifications over time than the Terradyne, it does feature far fewer miles, just 18,200 since new. Would that make it a good enough value that you’d pick it? Bidders were willing to pay $36,000 for it but the seller had a higher reserve. What would you be willing to pay?
In the military-vehicle segment we might look at these two like a minivan and a city car. The Terradyne is capable of hauling a family on the highway somewhat comfortably and the RAM with its smaller footprint should stay in town and off of the highway where speeds sometimes exceed 55 mph.
Ultimately, these are just fun statement vehicles that embody the idea of overkill. If one of these was about to be your next vehicle, which would you choose and why? Let us know in the comment section!
Images: Cars and Bids
Top graphic credits: Tim Mee Toys; Depositphotos.com
Neither. My apocalypse escape plan is the same as my retirement plan: keep my 1301 working and save one 300 grain slug for the grand finale.
Yup, a couple of months worth of shelf stable food and just staying home. My Benelli is short enough I don’t need to use my toes if it comes to that.
Exactly. Not planning on going anywhere, but making a big impression on any marauders that come by.
I’ll take the Ram since it’s not a Ford and it has a turret
Definitely the Terradyne an actual military/police vehicle, which brings up the question of how this ended up in private hands. It is way to new with far to few miles to be retired by the military or a police dept. I guess if you’ve got the scratch Terradyne is willing to take it even if you are a private party, though I guess they could claim they were private security for a gov’t or key defense contractor installation.
My apocalypsemobile is an airplane ticket to Switzerland.
I’m going for Iceland. Cold little island, the ultimate zombie proof area
Neither is an apocalypsemobile – both are military-cosplaying wagons for middle-aged men who like to do everything “tactically”
Yup, wouldn’t we love one of these, along with Tactical anything, and also – please – nano stuff.
If you ever shop in Europe, the further East you go – the more of this you get in advertisements.
Geographically, Tactical and Nano(anything) tend to converge once you cross the border into Serbia, then the mega-multiplier: “Straight from the a secret Soviet project” kicks in and bonds with those two once you get in Bulgaria.
I’m reminded of the quote attributed to Omar Bradley and offer a modification for this type: “Wankers study tactics. Amateurs study strategy. Professionals study logistics.”
Yup. Beige wankpanzers.
Wankpanzers! Love it.
The Terradyne is an actual military/police vehicle that they claim they don’t sell to civilians.
My Renault 4 is my ideal apocalypsemobile. I’ll need something I can fix with bits of shoestring/zipties/duct tape and a toolbox comprised of a hammer, wrench, screwdriver and tire iron.
Neither. Sherpa and a sailboat. Zombies can’t swim.
Terradyne, easy answer! Cab space is important if you need to move supplies or bunk down for a couple days. And the armor is an obvious benefit.
Who actually wants to live through a zombie apocalypse? Join the party, pal. The brains are delicious!
I don’t see CTIS on either one, so I’m out.
If the shtf, my Dad’s M3 half track. Served in Italy in WW2. Still has all the armour plating on it. Runs and drives well.
7th gen Toyota hilux with 3l diesel. Last forever, rather frugal, fuel (heating oil) also lasts for ever, and in pinch would be possible to produce from different sort of seeds, etc.
Those Hiluxes had issues with cracking pistons (D4D) and recently with DPF/DEF issues….
2.4 and 2.0 Diesel, maybe yes. 4.0L 1GR-FE V6, without a doubt.
I personally haven’t heard of any issues with 7th gen hiluxes apart from rust (which is bad, with no proper factory rust proofing). Couple of work friends have units pushing past 400tkm with no issues. And with no urea additions, really easy to operate. And they are everywhere here in nordics.
The 8th gen I haven’t heard much, don’t know anybody with those. Only think I knew is from reviews that the 2.7l diesel is much nicer to operate and more frugal. But has to use urea additions.
If they maintain the DPF Strictly, THEN maybe yes…Maybe the ones you and your colleagues use do not have emissions equipment or have different engines?
but cracking pistons is NOT a joke. 2.8 diesel has a class action lawsuit as well… In general…Hilux build quality is nowhere it used to be in the 80s and 90s…
As I said, they’ve got 7th gen hiluxes. No emission stuff nor 2.8l diesels there. 7th gen was the 2005-2015 model years and came with 2.5 or 3l diesel. DPF came 2018 for hilux, so it’s not even in all 8th gens.
Then probably yes…I agree.
1kds are VERY TOUGH…I heard. Those are better in durability than the 3.0…but if you people are maintaining them and not flogging them to death then both probably will last….
My pick would be either of the four below:
1) A Squarebody Technical with a Machine Gun and spiked bullbar..yes they do exist as combat vehicles…w/454 or a 350 gas V8.
2) An OBS C/K 1500/2500 with a rocket launcher and a gas V8.
3) A GMT800-900 HD with a 6.0L Gas V8 (non AFM)…..missile launcher+ bazookas fitted and a bullbar with chainsaws. The ultimate machine with near indestructible reliability….
4) A Toyota Land Cruiser 70 series or a Nissan Patrol Y61 Pickup w/light machine gun . Perfect for reconassiance duty…and decent fuel efficiency compared to the others on top.
Now, why did I put the 70 series below (or the Patrol Pickup ). This is because A) the LC70 cannot carry heavy loads…it is obvious from plenty that have dented bedsides and strained suspension in the Middle East and B) they break and get destroyed, like any other truck, and is classed as a “LIGHT COMMERCIAL VEHICLE” by Toyota Qatar. Most being used are likely ones that were STOLEN.
The thing I never understood about the whole zombie apocalypse concept was the thermodynamic idea of the conversation of energy.
At a certain point without systematic food production most of the zombies would die and rot from a lack of energy input. Unless you assume zombies are magic, in which case you could shoot lightning bolts at them and make a saving throw again melee damage.
So I would say sniper proof. With a case of beans and some water.
Zombies are the bumblebees of the undead.
If this isn’t COTD, I shall be very unhappy.
Zombies can’t use guns (at least not yet), so sniper proof is wasted weight. But having a turret is useful so you can shoot the undead.
Battle Ram for the win.
You’re forgetting the other survivors that covet your ride.
My time suffering in Project Zomboid is finally having relevance woo! Both would be out of commission in short order during a zombie apocalypse largely (in my opinion) because of fuel, my next bet would be parts availability when something inevitably breaks when plowing through hordes of zombies (the fun part lol). But at least if your goal is to escape populated areas then ditch it, they aren’t bad options imo.
But enough stalling here, my bet is on the Battle Ram for the completely out of left field reason that it is not a vehicle used by a government agency. Usually in these scenarios rule of law goes out the window and not looking like a SWAT team about to no knock someone at 3am when driving through places where anyone can be generously armed does have its benefits.
The Ram isn’t even street legal with those seats & belts in so many jurisdictions.
I feel confident in saying the DMV would be closed in a zombie apocalypse.
You’d think that, but you’d be wrong. I read a plan that a university in Florida had for dealing with the undead, including forms to fill out if you had to redeadify your coworkers. I’m betting the DMV has similar plans.
AKA the Snowbird plan.
No it would continue to be staffed by them
IF you do get pulled over, no cop is going to check if your seats and seat belts are “legal”.
DARTZ
I’m going with the Ram. Crew cab trucks are just over glorified grocery getters.
I would not be too surprised to see either of these rolling around any major metro area in the US; Rodeo drive in LA, Mid-Town Manhattan, Dallas, or any tech-bro location around San Francisco.
Both of these are poor zombie apocalypse vehicles.
Now if I were choosing a vehicle for a modern military theater like Ukraine, I still wouldn’t pick either.
I’d want a dune buggy with Kevlar panels everywhere. With all the drones and such shrapnel is my main concern, and with the long front end hopefully it would set off any mines at a relatively safe distance away vs right underneath you.
None these are all poser vehicles. And without the apocalypse scenario I’m out. However if I am designing a apocalypse vehicle without a scenario here are my designs. Diesel runs on anything. 4WD OF COURSE. Driving cab an decent living space combo so bus or RV or military large truck. Real fire position and none of the poser 50 caliber full auto. If you are by yourself automatic fire just let’s you go empty in 30 seconds. I’d actually take a boat instead of a automotive vehicle.
That stupid RAM looks like something I’d see here in PA. Perfect for mounting a certain kind of flag(s).
So one is real, the other is for mall ninjas.
I learned my survival skills from watching Burt Gummer. Neither vehicle will work, due to not enough space for explosives. Now a deuce and a half, that will work
If it’s a zombie apocalypse, you’d be better off taking advice from Tallahassee.
True. Burt specialized in varmit hunting
No Burt set up for zombies and Russia but Burt was able to adapt. That’s a guy I want on my back not pothead Woody or any of those from the crappy show
Gonna argue that one. Shreikers are a great substitute for Zombies.
No protection from the foe with tent cover. I’d expect more from Burt but not no Hollywood sissy.
Burts idea of defense was overwhelming offense
True but remember his bunker with Reba in Tremors one. He was a good guy for planning. And what is it with Reba? I think she is on her 70s and she looks great, and not just for her age.