Look, I don’t want to keep any secrets from you. We’ve been through far, far too much together, haven’t we? We sure have. Anyway, I have two big scars from my aorta-explosion surgery. One is the big center-of-chest, right over the sternum chest-zipper-type scar, and that one seems fine. The other is a smaller incision on my right shoulder, right about at my collarbone, that was used for…something. Honestly I’ve never been really clear what went on in there. They did some grafting of veins or arteries or whatever tubes run in there. For a while after surgery it was kind of inflamed, but then it went down save for a little lump. That lump is now about the size of a ping-pong ball, sorta, and is giving me a low-grade fever.
Anyway, they did an ultrasound on it to see, I suppose, if there were any fetuses in there, and there weren’t, but the medical mechanics decided I should go to the hospital so they can do a CT scan and then, most likely, operate. So I’ll be out for a day or two.
I’m sure it won’t be too big a deal! I’m not going to the hospital in an ambulance this time, but if I did, I think I’d like it to be one of these Citroën DS ambulances, because, look at it!
Let’s look at that top image again:
Just…just what the hell is that on the stretcher? Is that a baby Arrakeen sandworm that was hit by a bus? Is it a cartoon character’s foot? Why is that there instead of a human? I’m so baffled. It’s not like they couldn’t get actual people to be carried on stretchers for their brochures. Look:
Look at that poor bastard, smacked on the head and with a broken wrist; this has all the hallmarks of a severe owl attack.
Also, look at that swanky ambulance! All powder-pink and subtle, with curtains and a flag instead of some vulgar lights and sirens!
It’s kind of remarkable just how little was actually done to the DS to convert it into an ambulance. It pretty much just looks like the rear seat was split and a stretcher was slid in. That seems to be about it!
Really, this has to be one of the most minimal ambulance conversions I’ve ever seen. It’s a testimony to the excellent packaging and space utilization of the car! And when did little flags stop becoming a standard part of ambulance livery?
Anyway, I’ll be back next week, I’m pretty sure. With hopefully one less inflamed lump in my shoulder and some repaired blood-hoses.
I will happily accept a tangentially-related-to-cars article on shoulder lumps upon your return.
In all seriousness, I wish for you a lump-less collarbone region.
If we refer to Torch’s homunculus theory, then the front wheels of a car are its shoulders. So how does the Reliant Robin fit into this theorem?
A hump of sorts jutting out from the chest, with no arm, just a hand attached to it?
None of the imagery coming from this feels good.
Since the ambulance is based on a vehicle with adjustable suspension, I am surprised that it is at the lowest position. For loading I would think it would be at the highest position. Hmm.
Wishing you healing, and good luck with your scan!
In 2021, at age 29, I had an aortic valve reconstruction due to a bicuspid valve, which had caused an aneurysm. Ended up with a mechanical valve so now I sound like there’s a ticking clock in my chest. All sorts of weird stuff happened with my body in the months following, so I empathize with your situation.
Keep on chugging like you have been, we’re all rootin’ for ya!
What the hell is that on the stretcher?
It’s a large Gaza Strip.. Everyone knows that. I enjoyed the folks in the cut away drawing. Especially the drivers expression. Like he is re-evaluating some life choices or some such stuff.
Best to you and the fam as you go through this situation. Take it easy man.
Good luck with your scan!
Have you considered making your own ambulance? I’m picturing a faithful replica of one of the beetle ambulances you have written about before – complete with a little Torchinsky flag 🙂
Best wishes for a speedy recovery, Torch!
Hang in there, brother. You got this.
(I managed to get in and out of the local joint after they removed half a foot from my lower intestine last month and stitched me back up. With you in spirit.)
Were they able to reattach it to whoever lost half his foot up there in the first place?
Best wishes for you Jason.
OK, a second crack at the tune-up shop. Now that you’re of a lucent disposition, you have to demand the Premium service once they’re done with lumpy. Looking forward to the work of a stronger, faster Torch.
Wishing you the best. I have an uncle and a coworker who experienced the same situation as you and it does tend to come with complications, so be aware and take care of yourself and prayers that you’ll come out on top.
Best wishes for a speedy recovery! We need you !!
Good luck, buddy.
Another wish for good luck!
Good luck Torch! I hope it is all very boring and uneventful.
Good luck and i hope all goes well.
Best of luck, Torch. I hope it’s nothing serious, but I’m glad you’re having it taken care of.
To me it looks like Bibendum got in a really bad car accident and they’re bringing him to the hospital one piece at a time.
The load height of that ambo looks like a workman’s comp claim about to happen. Did people have stronger backs years ago?
Yes, they certainly did. People actually moved around back then.
Health is more important than you writing content.
We all appreciate that you want to put in your 110%, but please put yourself first for now.
The kneebone’s connected to the… something. The something’s connected to the… red thing. The red thing’s connected to my wrist watch…Uh oh.
Be well, Torch.
1-800-DOCTORB! The “b” is for “bargain!”
Good luck and hope all goes well!!
“on my right shoulder”
Uh oh, the lump is on your right shoulder?? Better get that attended to stat before it develops into another Denis Dimbleby Bagley:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Get_Ahead_in_Advertising
https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/1D8AAOSwilxiJkzO/s-l1200.jpg
Absolutely brilliant and apropos obscure reference! I tip my hat!
Definitely beats waking up with a bigoted old man on your shoulder.
The Thing with Two Heads (1972) – IMDb
Good luck
Geez! nobody wants to work anymore!! ヽ(͡◕ ͜ʖ ͡◕)ﾉ
Look Jason, if you just want a few days off, just ask your employer! Stop with the charades! 😉
Seriously dude, godspeed to you!!⊂(◉‿◉)つ
We’ll be here waiting for you!
About the Citroën, that would be a nice one for a road trip.
Heal up, that incision may be the 5 g tracker 🙂
That ambulance is 100% better than the top gear ones. Though exiting the van looked like fun.