Welcome back! For our Wednesday edition of Shitbox Showdown, I’ve got a couple of little cars I just know you’re going to love… to make fun of and complain about. But are they really all that bad? Don’t answer that yet. All I ask is that you keep an open mind.
Yesterday we were traveling internationally to look at Ford pickups, and it seems that the Mazda-built European Ranger is the clear choice. I have to agree. It’s cooler looking, and it’s a 4×4, and it would be endless fun to take it to a car show here and enter it in the “Ford Truck” category.
Several of you also brought up the fact that compressed natural gas is not always easy to find, and called that a strike against the Brazilian Ranger, but I should have mentioned that, yes, a CNG conversion does not preclude the use of good old ordinary gasoline. It’s sort of a dual-fuel situation. But that Bulgarian diesel is definitely the choice here, anyway.
Alrighty then. One of the fun things about this job is finding nice things to say about cars everyone else considers absolute garbage. Personally, I don’t think there is such a thing; it takes so much time and money and commitment to bring a car to market that any car that actually ends up for sale is worthy of at least a little respect. No one sets out to design a crappy car, and whatever compromises end up in the finished product, it’s still an admirable feat.
With that in mind, I give you the finest Detroit had to offer in the mid-to-late 1980s to fight the onslaught of cheap imported cars from Japan, as well as new threats coming from Korea. Were they great cars? No, of course not. Were they good enough? That’s debatable. Did they sell? Boy howdy, did they. The total production of each was more than two and a half million – enough to earn them a place in automotive history. It also means you have a story about one of these or the other. Let’s check them out.
1985 Chevrolet Chevette CS – $5,000
Engine/drivetrain: 1.6-liter overhead valve inline 4, three-speed automatic, RWD
Location: Bellefontaine, OH
Odometer reading: 62,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives great
In the ’70s, General Motors was striking out when it came to small cars. After the moon-shot Corvair ended up as an evolutionary dead end, the designers of the Vega took a more traditional path, following the tried-and-true “shrink a big car down” method of designing a compact car. They still screwed it up. But the global juggernaut had high hopes for its next small car, the T platform, introduced in 1976 as the Chevrolet Chevette. “It’ll drive you happy,” the ads said. It wasn’t an exciting car, but it didn’t eat head gaskets or disintegrate from rust like the Vega did, which was a vast improvement.
The Chevette is also pretty traditional, with a longitudinal pushrod four-cylinder engine driving a solid rear axle. Rear-wheel-drive small cars weren’t rare in 1976, but by 1985 when this one was built, they were getting scarce. It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing; I can tell you from personal experience that RWD made a Chevette more fun in a snowy parking lot than any FWD car ever built.
This Chevette has only 62,000 miles on it, and the seller says it runs and drives great. It is, unfortunately, equipped with an automatic transmission, which does its acceleration no favors, I’m sure, but even a stickshift Chevette is pretty damn slow. But going slowly gives passers-by plenty of time to say, “holy crap, is that a Chevette?”
It’s clean, stock, and original except for a set of aftermarket alloy wheels, and seat covers that I would imagine are only there for protection. It’s the nicest Chevette I’ve seen in a while, but the price is steep; you have to really want a Chevette to pay this much for one.
1989 Plymouth Horizon – $2,900
Engine/drivetrain: 2.2-liter overhead cam inline 4, three-speed automatic, FWD
Location: Ocala, FL
Odometer reading: 154,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives well
Chrysler also turned to its overseas affiliates to develop a small car, and like GM, also completely reworked the design for America. Unlike GM, Chrysler chose to follow the trail blazed by Fiat and Volkswagen, and made the Horizon and Omni front-wheel-drive. Originally powered by a Volkswagen engine, and later a completely different Simca unit, eventually the Horizon and Omni had settled on Chrysler’s standard corporate 2.2 liter “K car” engine.
This late-production Horizon benefits from the changes and improvements made to the K engine over the years, most notably throttle-body fuel injection, a welcome improvement over the Holley two-barrel carburetor used by earlier models. This one is coupled to a three-speed A413 Torqueflite automatic, a nice reliable unit that somehow manages to suck all the enjoyment out of every vehicle in which it is installed. It was parked for several years, but the seller has done a lot of work to wake it up, and now reports that it runs and drives well.
Horizons and Omnis were not fancy cars, but they also didn’t feel as cheap as some other compacts. The seats are quite comfortable, and the ride is better than you’d expect. This one looks pretty good inside, but you have to drive it when the weather is just-so: the air conditioner doesn’t work, and neither does the heater. A new heater core is included, and if I remember right, it’s not terribly hard to get to on these. The A/C “needs a charge,” a phrase that may or may not be true. Hey, at least it has it.
It’s a little faded and sad-looking outside, but that’s been true of pretty much every remaining Horizon since about 1994. These were cheap cars, and often treated as disposable. The fact that it’s still on the road and hasn’t been crushed and recycled into a washing machine or a bridge girder is impressive.
I fully expect the comments to be full of anecdotes about someone’s brother or girlfriend or aunt who had one of these two cars, and how horrible it was. But that’s the thing – everyone has a story about these things. Cars don’t exist in a vacuum; we use them to go places and do things. So here is my challenge for you today: Choose the car you have a fond memory of – somewhere fun you went in one of them, someone you had a crush on who owned one, whatever – and tell that story in the comments, instead of just talking about how much they suck or how overpriced they may be. I can think of at least a couple of positive associations from my own past for each of these. I’m sure you have those stories too. Let’s hear ’em.
(Image credits: Craigslist and Facebook Marketplace sellers)
I had a girlfriend whose Chevette would barely maintain 65 MPH on the highway over even slight hills with us and another couple in it. No AC or even a radio. But her dad bought it for her, and he paid for all the gas, insurance, and any maintenance that wasn’t done in an emergency while miles from home with tools bought or borrowed as needed.
My next girlfriend’s Omni could do at least 75 MPH loaded the same, had AC, a relatively nice interior, and the seats didn’t feel like they came out of a decrepit 50’s diner. It had many more miles, but I don’t remember it giving us any trouble at all other than the alternator tensioner mounting bolt working loose again and again, causing low voltage. But we paid for gas, and money was scarce.
The two women were still friends during those years, and for our frequent group trips, we had discussions about when to take the cheap car and when to take the posh one. As a group we almost never took my car because that was a choice between a huge, thirsty land yacht and a Triumph Spitfire that only had two real seats, although the shelf in back was occasionally used for very uncomfortable seating.
While the memories of the Chevette are much stronger, I’ll take the posh ride for sure. Maybe find some GLH parts and a used manual, if I’m lucky.
$5k for a Chevette?! Gotta bring back “crack pipe” for that one. Horizon by default, though it’s also overpriced.
I voted Chevette if ONLY because it’s V8 swappable. It’s not worth what they are asking. I’m only voting on possibility.
Yeah but in practice, for handling reasons, ‘wet noodle’ chassis strength reasons and ‘what the transmission/driveline can handle’ reasons, you’re better off with a GM 3.1L V6 or the Buick 3.8L V6.
true, those THM200 are made of glass. Yet it found its way into much bigger applications like on the downsized B bodies with the Diesel.
Kind of idiotic but par for the course with GM
Oh I didn’t say I’d buy it. I said I voted for it. LOL
If you vote for it, YOU MUST FOLLOW THROUGH AND BUY IT!!!
Well shit…LOL
No chevette is worth 5k. The omnis weren’t bad econoboxes as far as they go. To bad its not a stick. It’s still way better than the chevette I forgot was sold in the 80s. Looks classic 70s ick.
Oh yes they are. Some. More than 10 times more.
https://cars.bonhams.com/_next/image.jpg?url=https%3A%2F%2Fimg1.bonhams.com%2Fimage%3Fsrc%3DImages%2Flive%2F2022-08%2F28%2F25247105-1-46.jpg%26left%3D0.033333333333%26right%3D0.923333333333&w=2400&q=75
To me. No chevette is worth 5k. Or even 5 cents.
Not voting. These are a pair of $1000 cars AT BEST, with the Horizon closer to $500. They were junk when they were brand new. NO SALE!
My Grandpa traded in his sweet VW fastback for a new Chevette in 1976. It replaced his 1961 Impala convertible which had a 409 and 4 speed tranny.
He was already in his late 70s. And he went back and forth with the damn dealer for several days over the purchase price. A real shit show. He refused to pay for dealer prep, or a dime over what the newspaper ad for a stripped model should cost.
Dealer finally gave up.
Then he refused to drive it over 35 mph, because he wanted the engine broke in correctly…
So I borrowed it and took it on a 140 mile interstate trip the 2nd day he had it.
At 75 mph, except for a stretch where it was decided that to see what the top speed of that turd really was. After that all concern about breaking the engine in properly went out the window.
I also owned a Omni 024 hatchback. What a total piece of shit. Never again…
My dad owned a white 4-door Chevette that looked exactly like that one, but had a stick-shift behind an Isuzu diesel engine. That car was. Its acceleration somewhat existed. It was reliable when it wasn’t broken down. Honestly, I think the kindest thing I can say about that thing is that it was very efficient.
Look, I know this one isn’t the diesel, but you don’t want a Chevette with a slushbox. Buy the Plymouth.
I was waiting for someone else to chime in about the diesel version. I rode in to work in one for about a year. The interstate portion was downright scary—and this was back when the speed limit was still 55mph.
It was reliable except when it wasn’t? Doesn’t that describe all cars?
I said the kindest things I possible could about a mid-80’s Chevette. That car definitely was.
You don’t have to protect their feelings. They were crappy cars. I know, I had to ride in plenty of them.
The Chevette is just way overpriced even in good condition. Cocaine white and a price to match 🙁
I’ve driven a Shadow 2.2 auto and it was slow but not like glacial. The Horizon probably weighs less and has the same powertrain. It’s definitely the choice here.
I’ve experienced both these cars in automatic. I do not want that flavor here.
In high school I sat at the loser table at lunch. Me, the only punk rocker in my school (late 80s early 90s,) the white trashy metal heads, and a few geeky kids who weren’t smart enough to be nerds. Bobby drove a 62 chevy II he built himself and his buddy Scott (easily 6 foot, 300 lbs) had a chevette he crammed a 350 into. Man, the donuts in the school parking lot….
I don’t have a story about these cars! No one I knew had one. So I voted Chevette because RWD > FWD.
Seems like a good basis for a homegrown redneck AE86
I had TWO friends who drove old mini-hooptie Chevettes in high school, and they were hilariously awful cars. Pete’s was reliable but it was sloooooow. Tom’s was even slower, and the worn-out brake pedal assembly meant that the pedal would sometimes droop until the brake lights came on and killed the battery.
Our high school had left a wrecked car on the lawn before prom to warn us off of drunk driving, so one day I fixed his dead battery by stealing the bad omen’s Diehard and helping Tom swap it in the parking lot. The Chevette gets my sentimental vote.
Oh, and shout out to the door card on the Chevette: I love the radius they put surrounding the window crank.
The Horizon for sure, mostly because it seems to be in roughly the same condition as the Chevette but cheaper.
My mom briefly had a Chevette. She remembers that it struggled on hills, and that one winter, it actually stopped moving as she attempted to climb a hill. Maybe there was something wrong with it, my grandpa was and is cheap, and he was the one who bought it for her.
My best friend in high school had one of these, or rather his mom did. It replaced their Fairmount, a vehicle we made a lot of fun of. The Omni also sucked, but the positive—OK, not positive, but funny—story I’ll tell is the time I was riding in the back, Larry was driving, and his mom was in the passenger seat because he was still on his permit.
She was a weird combination of anxious & abrasive, and really wasn’t comfortable with Larry driving. At one point we’re driving down Route 10, just east of Ledgewood Circle, and she says, “There’s a green light ahead, so you’ll want to slow down.” Funniest driving guidance I’ve ever heard.
Later Larry bought his own car with money from working at Grand Union, a Suzuki Sidekick that was awesome fun. It was a stick, which he didn’t know how to drive. I also didn’t know how, and also didn’t have my license, but I understood the principles, so I taught him how to drive stick on his own car.
This is the first time I’ve actually desired a none-of-the-above option. I’ve had plenty of experience with both. Learned to drive stick-shift on a Chevette, but would never pay $5K for one, even a manual. Plus, my girlfriend’s sister had an automatic version that I got to drive and however bad you’re imagining it, I assure you it’s worse.
Meanwhile my first car was an ’85 Duster Turismo with a carbed 2.2 automatic. It was crap. That said, one of our nicer family cars growing up was a basic Dodge Aries K with the fuel-injected 2.2/auto combo. It wasn’t great, but the fuel-injection did add noticeable improvement to the drivability and overall it wasn’t near as bad as the rest of what I’ve listed so far.
A reluctant vote and a big cringe for thoughts of handing over almost $3K for a Plymouth Horizon.
My mother had a light blue over blue ’84 Omni – she had gone in wanting a Charger but the visibility was no good for her. She still raves about to this day and how good the heat and air were in it.
It later became my dad’s after they met and had me, and years later was sold to a cousin when we moved and the J-body Skyhawk went from from family car to commuter. But that got dumped in less than a year, and I sometimes wonder if the Omni would have been the more durable choice to keep despite being older.
Oh man, the Horizon all the way. I actually like the Horizon/Omni. And in general, I tend to prefer Chrysler’s and Ford’s attempts at cheap and cheerful over GM. Everything about the Chevette feels pretty hateful, like most of GM’s compact car efforts over the years.
“The A/C “needs a charge,” a phrase that may or may not be true. Hey, at least it has it.”
From what I understand the most common failure points on Auto A/C are the Schrader valves used to fill and purge. When those go so does the charge but nothing else.
If that’s the case those valves are under $10 and take about a minute or so to replace. You can borrow all the tools needed for the job from Autozone. Its an easy job to draw a vacuum on the system and fill.
R12 is going to be a challenge to find though.
It’s a 35+ year old GM shitbox air conditioning system. It’s never being fixed and definitely not for $10.
All it takes is one weirdo with an 80’s GM kink.
I was able to fix my much newer Accord’s A/C as I described for $10 in valves and $25 of R134 but yeah, R12 is going to be more.
Good for you but fixing a modern system with an easily identifiable recent leak is completely different than a defunct 40 year old model. Zero components exposed to the elements for this long would be useable aside from the hard lines. You’ll need to replace the compressor, evaporator, condenser, drier and valve(s) and completely evacuate the system of any contamination or it will fail again in a matter of weeks. I don’t know if any/all of these components are shared with other GM vehicles but frankly I don’t really care either.
Of course we have no idea if any troubleshooting happened other than “huh, it’s not cold, must need a recharge”
If the failure is indeed a pinhole leak the system would still be almost completely sealed. The freon would have leaked out till the pressure matched atmosphere, then the system might have sloooooowly mixed in some air over time with temperature cycling (assuming the leak didn’t seal at the lower pressure gradient). The pressure switch would have stopped the pump from engaging.
Sure some corrosion might have occured but I think changing the pump oil will address most of it. Fresh oil is a good idea and the old oil has to go anyway if a change to R134 is happening.
If the failure is electrical or a bad clutch then the system might not need a recharge at all. Worst case is a compresser fail but even that is fixable. I dunno how much the parts are for this crapmobile but for my Accord a kit with the compressor, condenser, seals and dryer cost about $400, plus $50 for flush for the lines and evaporator. That would convert the system to R134 too of course but no sane person will bother with all that.
Its probably worth some basic investigation, check the electrical, bypass the pressure switch to see if the pump engages and whether it makes any bad noises, hook up a borrowed manifold and see what the pressure is and if the system is empty evacuate with a borrowed pump and see if it holds vacuum. Beyond that is fuck it territory.
None of this is remotely plausible. After multi-decades of non-use AC systems are absolutely dead and need full ground-up rebuild. You might be able to get it to go temporarily but it will absolutely fail in short order.
Source: have resurrected old AC systems
That hasn’t been my experience with Ac Schrader valves. Yes, occasionally they start leaking, but it’s definitely not the most common reason AC systems fail.
Sorry, you are correct. Electrical issues are more common, I was focused on mechanical issues.
What do you find to be the most common?
I voted Horizon. A friend in university has a yellow one. It was a huge piece of shit, but he was a good guy.
BUT: I had an English teacher in high school who was a bit of a dingus. He had us reading university-level stuff, and was a bit pompous about the whole exercise. He drove a Chevette, which he called “the Vette”. He was the type of guy who would charge $5000 for a piece of crap like a Chevette.
I’ll keep my eyes on the Horizon.
Um, the Chevette had an overhead cam engine with a timing belt. I remember my dad’s car breaking one. It wasn’t a zero clearance engine so a few hours of work and the car was back on the road.
The Omnirizon wasn’t as bad as everybody thinks. The big seats were very comfortable, the K 2.2 was pretty powerful for a car this small, and compared to GM and Ford it handled much more like a European car. Plus, as a Golf-copy, it embodies the apex automotive size and shape.
Visually, I always thought the Chevette looked weird. The Omni and Horizon, just had good proportions. Very much like the early Golf/GTI.
GM managed to make the grille of the Chevette look like a shitty aftermarket replacement.