It’s been 90,000 or so days since our proud, patriotic progenitors tossed off the shackles of British rule and declared their independence. While we are no longer forced to bend to the cruel whims of the British monarchy, we have slowly been coaxed into paying them inordinate amounts of attention when they do boring things like get married, divorced, and married again. To me, British royalty seems mostly like a more (or less?) problematic version of the Kardashians. And, like the Kardashians, the merch is primo.
There’s a lot of industry news today, but it mostly boils down to the usual stuff: raising prices, slashing jobs, making sales forecasts. I’m going to mix it up and start with a story about all the weird shit British companies are doing to mark the replacement of the former monarch (a Land Rover mechanic and enthusiast who seemed pretty chill, all things…) with an aging environmentalist who apparently doesn’t know what cling film is. Let’s have fun.
So Much Coronation Stuff
I, in my naïveté, did not realize there’d be so much swag for the King’s Coronation. The last time they did this I was -30 years old, so you’ll have to forgive me.
While this all seems extremely weird and silly to me, as an American and a small r republican, I think it’s mostly harmless and kind of charming in a way. I’m a sucker for a party and the Brits, frankly, could use things to party about these days. (Editor’s Note: Fine, I’ll put up with British monarchy stuff. But just for today. And they better not come over here to take America back. Just try it, you warm beer-drinking, Vauxhall-driving jokers! -PG)
Let’s go through all the extremely British and fussy items they’re using to ring in a new non-leader:
Bentley’s Handcrafted Cushions
I cannot top the pomp and circumstance of the automakers themselves, so I’ll mostly just share their words.
To celebrate the coronation of Their Majesties King Charles III and Queen Camilla, a team of Bentley’s craftspeople have worked together to produce a limited series of bespoke cabin cushions for a fleet of Bentleys. The team, based at Bentley’s Dream Factory in Crewe, has used a combination of fine craftsmanship and cutting edge technology to digitise the special Coronation Emblem before creating each bespoke cushion by hand.
Three full days and four iterations of embroidery processing were required to achieve Bentley’s exacting quality standards, with nearly 30,000 stitches in each emblem needing careful refinement. The emblem consists of two separate thread colours, and three different colourways of the emblem were used, to contrast the individually-selected hides for different colours of cushions to match the interiors of the Bentleys that will use them.
Each cushion took over three hours to produce and uses hides sourced from Northern Europe where the temperate climate and lack of barbed wire fencing reduces imperfections. Each hide is checked and marked by hand and eye before being precision cut. Stitched, shaped and finished entirely by hand, the completed cushions rivals the quality of the cars themselves. Trim Developer Ella Mitchell has led the craftsmanship process that’s produced the bespoke cushions for this unique occasion. The cushions will remain with Bentley’s press cars for a time and are not available for purchase.
Sorry, poors, only us fancy journalists will get these.
Skoda’s Green Color
I’m give Skoda a pass on this because I love Skoda.
Škoda UK is set to mark the Coronation of King Charles III with the introduction of a new colour – Royal Green. The new hue will be available on selected Superb, Kodiaq and Octavia models, and is being added to the range to celebrate the formal investiture of King Charles III and Queen Camilla, the Queen Consort.
Available to order from Tuesday 9 May, Royal Green will be available as an exclusive metallic colour option and has been reserved for the range-topping versions in their respective models. On the Superb – a car acclaimed for its palatial levels of interior space and regal ride comfort – it will be available as an option on SE L and L&K models. SE L customers will be able to match the new exterior colour with either black or beige interior trim, while L&K buyers will have the added option of a luxury cognac interior.
As a nod to the King’s passion for performance motoring, the new colour will also be available on Škoda’s sporty Octavia vRS, along with the SE L model. Customers ordering Skoda’s multi-award-winning Kodiaq in SE L Executive trim will also be able to order their cars in Royal Green. Over the years, King Charles visited the Czech Republic several times in his role as the Prince of Wales. In the early 1990s, he set up a heritage fund with then-president Václav Havel to help restore and preserve the country’s historic buildings. Among the landmarks restored by the fund were a former monastery of St. Bartholomew in Prague’s Old Town and the terrace gardens below Prague Castle. The Prince of Wales also visited other parts of the Czech Republic on his visits, such as Brno, the country’s second largest city, in 1991, 2000, and most recently in 2010
Ah, dope. I’ve been to the terrace gardens below the Prague Castle and they were quite lovely. Thanks, Chuck. True story: I also randomly bumped into outgoing Ford CEO Alan Mulally in the same castle moments after visiting the gardens.
A Fancy Mini With Fancy Luggage, I Guess?
I don’t really get this one, but the David Brown Automotive remastered Minis are super cool.
David Brown Automotive’s Mini Remastered – a modernised take on perhaps Britain’s most loved automotive design, handcrafted at its state-of-the-art facility in Silverstone – will be on display at LINLEY’s showroom from today until May 10th, as the world celebrates Charles III’s coronation.
The example of Mini Remastered on show will sport a suitably British specification for this momentous moment, finished in a rich shade of decidedly British ‘Racing Green’, with 12” Classic wheels finished in the delightful hue of ‘A Whiter Shade of Pale’. The timelessly specified example is capped off by a final patriotic touch – with a Union Jack adorning the roof.
As with the immaculate finish of LINLEY’s products, Mini Remastered’s lustrous paint is perfected over hundreds of hours by David Brown Automotive’s expert automotive technicians. The same care is lavished on the interior, with a cockpit hand-trimmed in sumptuous sandalwood leather, with matching tan stitching, offset by ‘Racing Green’ trim accents.
Ok!
Make Sure Your Tyres (sp?) Are Safe
The marketers at TyreSafe aren’t wasting this opportunity to remind people to pay attention to, uh, tyres. I’m mostly just sharing this for the photo of the tire with a crown. Graphic design is their passion, clearly.
With the King’s coronation and bank holiday weekend fast approaching, TyreSafe is urging drivers to make sure they’ve carried out the necessary checks to ensure their vehicle, and in particular its tyres, is in a condition fit for a King.
L.O.L.
Ok, This Is Trains, But We Love Trains
This made me laugh this morning:
Nothing more British than a absolutely abysmal, extortionately pricey privatised train line celebrating a coronation with a "limited number of scones" in First Class only tbh https://t.co/MUFKr3DxON
— venti rat (@malfanton) May 4, 2023
A limited number of scones!!! Only time will tell if the empire can come back from this one.
Hell Yeah, Build The Ford Maverick PHEV
We are extremely pro-Plug-in Hybrid Electric Vehicle over here and also fairly pro-Ford Maverick. I’ve been pretty clear, personally, that I would buy a Ford Maverick PHEV (or Bronco Sport PHEV) if Ford offered it. I’m not alone! Our buds over at Heatmap are making the same argument:
Can you help your friend move with a Prius Prime? Can you carry some flat-packed bookshelves home from an Ikea run? Can you carry an unused mattress to the dump? Don’t answer that because you actually can do all three things with a Prius. But it would be way more fun to do it with a truck.
The editor, Robinson Meyer, also reached out to Autopian Member/Ford PR Dude Mike Levine who told him it wasn’t happening any time soon. Mike has, basically, told me the same thing. I’m going to choose not to believe him.
Faraday Future Continues To Be Slightly Ridiculous
Speaking of shared opinions, we’ve been skeptical of Faraday Future, in spite of some signs of life. You know who else is skeptical? The great Kirsten Korosec over at TechCrunch, who wrote a story on the EV automaker with this great headline: “Faraday Future is adding generative AI to its vaporware EV”
From the article:
Faraday Future said Tuesday it is adding generative AI to its first production car, the FF 91 Futurist. Never mind that the vehicle has been repeatedly delayed for years, that as of three weeks ago Faraday Future was down to its last $30 million and was pushing the delivery date again or that the company has bounced from one internal drama to another. None of this matters, because by merely mentioning the words “generative AI,” the money will surely come pouring in.
And whadda ya know? The stock popped 6.2% following the announcement. Of course, fundamentals often catch up to even the wiliest of publicly traded companies. That stock bump may not last.
We will also be powering The Autopian’s comment system off of Generative AI so, uh, please send us some money.
BMW Will Probably Raise Prices
In light of the constant Tesla price changes, you’d think other automakers would lower prices. Most are not. Instead, it seems like most automakers are happy to either stay the course or, even raise prices in light of rising costs.
BMW is in that camp, according to Reuters:
BMW said in March it intended to keep prices stable this year after two years of passing on rising costs to customers, but Chief Financial Officer Nicolas Peter said some more moderate hikes could still be expected.
“When it makes sense, we could adjust a price here and there,” said Peter, who will from this month be replaced in his role by Walter Mertl.
Peter and Chief Executive Oliver Zipse struck a cautious tone on the outlook for the global economy in coming months, calling the environment volatile and tense.
Yes, “volatile and tense,” just like the Autopian Slack room when David and Jason get into one of their infamous grammar tiffs.
The Big Question
Will Faraday Future make it? And define “make it” however you want here.
Photos: Faraday Future, Bentley, Skoda, Newspress, DBA, Author, BMW
My entire life I’ve made fun of fancy situations by extending my pinkie and saying, “Oooh! Is the Queen coming over?” The other day I amended it by saying “King” and if felt all wrong. I miss her.
FF? Once more I quote W.C. Fields. “If at first you don’t succeed, try once more and then give up. No point being a damn fool about the whole thing.”
Will FF make it? Is Elon stable? Is the economy the best it’s ever been? Are car dealerships always looking at the best interest of the consumer? I think we all know the answer to these questions.
Hey now I got blocked over at the war zone by some guy with terminal boomer-itis for stating the extremely well-established and non-controversial opinion that Tucker Carlson ™ is a vile racist on TV. Better watch out for the Melon Usk fanzzz correcting you.
“the war zone”
Twitter, Jalopnik, or The Truth About Cars?
I would rather they make the Bentley pillows out of whale penis because it is more fun to say.
Also can you imagine a fancy throw pillow than turns into a body pillow just by rubbing it?
You know, I’ve seen a post on a Ford dealer blog that hint very strongly at a PHEV Maverick coming. Now obviously this isn’t official, but I have a hard time believing they’d even mention it without it being a probable thing. https://www.lafayetteford.com/research/detail/new-ford-maverick-lightning
The Maverick is on the same platform as the Ford Escape which already has a PHEV model so I imagine it wouldn’t even be that big of an effort from an engineering perspective. Hope there’s an option to add an electric motor to the rear to make it AWD.
Flush: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
ooooooh hahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHFHAFDGKJRKLGFSlkfjak;lfej opsld;asgjdkls,;/
That’s a big hard nope from me, buddy, but if you’re a complete sucker, I’ll say “AI” if you give me $100. No promises on doing anything with it—I probably won’t—so it’s about as solid as FF’s promises of a new car going to market at this point. I’m just going to utter the words “artificial intelligence.” I’ll probably spend this $100 on bills for my borked shoulder or Porsche parts, to be clear. But I’ll say the dumb money phrase if the genuinely gullible out there will pay me for it.
The fact that you KNOW at least one of these is going to end up on ebay.co.uk suspiciously soon after releasing them into the press pool is yet more fuel for my “monarchies are dumb and there’s good reason why we got rid of those grifters” flame. Look, it’s not my place to tell the Brits what to do with their own country, but so many of these extras add an extra layer of weird, parasocial grifting on top of one of history’s dumbest institutionalized grifts. Layers upon layers of grifting! Makes my head hurt.
It’s the grift that keeps on grifting!
I have to admit the Škoda green is cool, though, including its backstory. At least Chuckie used his inherited cushy place in life to help the Czechs out.
Scones are still the worst pastry, though. Just a mess of crumbs for what, a garbage, dry pastry? No amount of clotted cream can fix that. You could’ve had a real bakery item, like a croissant or a biscuit (if you’re insistent on crumbs but, y’know—want flavor), but ya pulled out this mess? Fight me, but I’m right.
“I’m not a fan of monarchies, but I’ll Czech out that Škoda”
-stef, probably
My ancestors had swords and knights and married their cousins, so now taxpayers must fly me around in a private jet from castle to castle while I scold the poors for flying commercial to escape this dreary island for a few weeks each year! – Charles III
If their plumbing is any indication I would hope you can get a Very British car with separate vents and knobs for hot and cold air.
What sort of commoner would stoop to PRE-mixing fluids of different temperatures?
Since Ford won’t do it, can someone take a first gen Tacoma and a totaled Prius Prime and meld them together so I can buy one?
Ford should drop the non-hybrid turbo Maverical and replace it with a PHEV
“Will Faraday Future make it?”
Wait, let me direct that question to my AI generated predictive model.
[shake, shake, shake]
AI prediction: Don’t count on it.
Well, there you go.
How many people will not get The Magic 8 Ball reference?
I think a lot of Gen Z might. They made a few of memorable appearances in our pop culture too.
My 17 y.o. has a Magic 8 ball. These have been available nonstop since 1950. So I think only DT will not understand.
Send DT one and blow his mind.
The LINLY connection is quite a close one one. David Linly,is the Kings cousin. He makes very beautiful and eyewateringly expensive furniture. I rather fancy one of his Vortex cabinets but the £82,000 price is just a bit of a stretch.
Came here to point this very fact out to my fellow colonials. David Linley is indeed the King’s cousin, as his mother was Princess Margaret, sister of Queen Liz. On the weekends he is known as David Albert Charles Armstrong-Jones, 2nd Earl of Snowdon, Viscount Linley. Imagine writing that on your mortgage check each month.
But the question remains Who put Prince Albert in a can?
Came here for this, thanks!
How is this the first time I’ve learned about the DB Automotive ‘Remastered’ Minis? According to their website they’re available globally, in both left and right hand drive. 4 speed auto, 4 speed manual, or 5 speed manual available. Powered by a slightly updated 1275 cc A series engine. Sounds lovely! Make mine left hand drive, 4 speed, orange paint and white seats, and tell me how soon you can ship it to Texas, please. (can you tell I was playing with the configurator at their site? Here’s the link for those who might want to do the same: https://www.davidbrownautomotive.com/mini-remastered/)
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again if they offered a PHEV Maverick I wouldn’t even consider another vehicle. I’d put an order in for one as soon as the books opened up. I’d get an XLT in Cyber Orange. It would do everything I need it to do. It wouldn’t be a compromise like the other vehicles on my radar. Unfortunately if it did happen it would probably be just as unobtanium as the hybrid but goddammit just offer it to us you savages.
I’d be the first order with my local dealer and I would wait however long it took. The tough call is the color, because the Cyber Orange is great, but so is the Hot Pepper Red. And who knows if there’d be more fancy colors released for the PHEV.
I like Hot Pepper Red and Atlas Blue Metallic too but Cyber Orange just calls to me. If they gave me the yellow from the old Ranger Splash I would take that instead though. Just give us more colorful cars please.
The things I’d do for Eruption Green…
Hell yes to Eruption Green.
I’d buy one tomorrow if they offered it. I want it to be PHEV and AWD.
That green color is gorgeous, and it looks very handsome on that particular Škoda sedan.
Despite my username, my interest level in the coronation is about the same as yours. Still, I’m curious about the cars, or carriages as it were. I heard that there will be two separate horse-drawn carriages used in the coronation proceedings — one to take the king from the palace to the abbey and another to take him back. Can we get an article about those? Surely you won’t get a test drive, but it’d be interesting to read a bit more about their history.
Also, last time we got coronation chicken, and that recipe is still going strong. Are there any new foodstuffs on deck this go-around?
Also also, when they start printing Charles’ image on the currency, if they’re not referred to as “Chuck Bucks” then I don’t know what we’re even doing here.
It’s a generalization, but a true one: women are into royalty, men are not. Pay close attention to the people around you when they talk (or do not) about the coronation. TV anchors do not count – they have to say what they are told to say.
The ladies cried when Diana died. Men didn’t care much.
Women fantasize about being a princess or marrying a prince. Guys just want to get laid.
Guys want a fast car that handles well and looks cool. Women want a newer, fancier SUV than the rest of the moms waiting for their kids at the elementary school parking lot.
Chuck Bucks would be redundant in Canada. We already have Loonie.
Wonder/if when Adrian jumps in here on the automotive offerings for the coronation.
Or maybe he’s busy driving around at full rev, blaring Sex Pistols and freaking out pensioners for the rest of the week? Though by now, the younger ones are probably like “all right, haven’t heard them in ages!”
I recently re-watched King Ralph for the first time since the theatrical release. I figured why not, it got a Blu-Ray release and I recalled enjoying it for what it was at the time (For the record, we got King Ralph on Blu-Ray and I am still waiting for True Lies and The Abyss). It has an amusing scene with British punks encouraging at least a little respect when the Monarchy is killed in a freak accident. A Ferrari driving Goth blasting Sex Pistols just brought that scene to mind.
Faraday Future is trading at $0.20. Yes, that is 20 cents. So, a 6% increase is a whole penny. But there is hope. NASDAC has them trading up 13% which equates to an increase of over 2 pennies. Go get ’em Faraday.
Funny thing about percentages though. If I have $10,000 invested in Tesla and it goes up 6%, its exactly the same growth as $10,000 invested FF when they go up 6%. Sure, I have more FF shares, but the value is the same. Not that I’m advising anyone invest in that hilariously bad looking EV venture.
You’ve hit on the exact reason people play penny stocks. The theoretical upside if the company hits even $1 a share is massive. Of course, there’s usually a reason penny stocks are so cheap…
The amazing thing to me is that Faraday has actually gotten the FF91’s EPA clearance. The optimist in me says that if it was just a scam they wouldn’t have gone to that trouble. Something tells me Faraday is going to actually pull a Lordstown and build a dozen or so units and then implode spectacularly, but in about 40 years an Endurance and an FF91 are going to share the lawn at Pebble Beach as a symbol of this time.
Faraday has no future. Or Future. Frankly, people who buy into these bogus unfulfilled and unfulfillable dreams deserve the resulting nightmares. Even though I dislike the product and its creator, I have to give Tesla credit for, you know, actually making a functional Transportation Unit.
The Brits getting all jiggy about the Coronation doesn’t bug me. Look at all the Super Bowl merch that gets peddled every year. Frankly, the Replacement Royal is more interesting, if only because Graham Hill once wrote that he gave Charles, then a mere Prince, driving lessons on a track (Silverstone?). Apparently, the future King looped his Aston Martin whilst motoring a bit too energetically….
BMW raising prices? Boyoboy, is THAT a surprise!
“Tyre” is probably the stupidest looking British spelling, in a long list of them.
Why don’t they hyre someone for a job and then fyre them?
Why isn’t the situation dyre when you’re stuck in a myre?
Why don’t they call the king syre?
Why isn’t it wyre?
Dumb.
Be careful how you use the strangler on your carburetter, old chap.
Ford is using aluminium to build the F series.
Is that the petrol version?
What colour is it?
Wouldn’t want the spark to expyre.
If by make it you mean, create vaporware, attract investors, execs cash out, go bankrupt. Then sure, they’ve already made it.
Ford probably would need to put out some kind of AWD hybridized Maverick first – and maybe a PHEV AWD Maverick and/or Bronco Sport would do the trick. But the Escape PHEV doesn’t offer AWD, unlike the PHEV RAV4 and Hyundai/Kia crossovers, so it’s not as seemingly off-the-shelf. The complaint of FWD-only for the PHEV would linger over every single review of such a Maverick.
But it is off-the shelf. They don’t offer it in the Escape, but the Corsair PHEV comes standard with AWD. They make bizarre decisions. It’d sell so well in the Escape, but I guess they need something to push the Lincoln. If they offered a Lincoln-badged version of the Maverick, I’d order that if I needed to buy it to get the PHEV.
Ah, I did not realize the Corsair offers it. Guess they’re maybe using that as a point of differentiation like you say.
Listen, let’s let Fnord address their habit of releasing broken shit to customers before we add more complexity…
FF will make it…to the bankruptcy court.
And as for King Chuck the turd, I want to see drama. And another thing, how can anyone wake up and see Camilla next to them and say….”that is a fine looking woman right there..” without drinking a gallon of Fireball whiskey and taking a whole sheet of acid.
I want this to win COTD so badly it hurts.
He could have had 62-year-old Diana, but it’s too late to undo the past. Instead he has 75-year-old Camilla. He’s secretly, quietly, patiently waiting for her to go to the great Castle in the Sky, so he can then find himself a starry-eyed twenty-something, scandalize the nation, and then make a couple of extra spares.
Exactly. WTF? Play stupid games, make stupid decisions?
“He’s secretly, quietly, patiently waiting for her to go to the great Castle in the Sky, so he can then find himself a starry-eyed twenty-something, scandalize the nation, and then make a couple of extra spares.”
Bah!
A REAL king wouldn’t wait to break in any number of starry eyed twenty somethings.
A REAL king would start a whole new religion placing himself as it’s infallible, inscrutable, “FU, it’s my way or it’s the headsman for you” leader*
just to divorce his past their expiration date wives or simply have them committed to a nunnery, maybe even executed if they dare object.
What HAS the monarchy come to…
( Yes I know Charles is already the head of the church of England, the whole purpose of which was to do exactly what I outlined).
I assume his eyes, like most of his organs, are held together by nothing except whatever dark magic is keeping him from dissolving into a small pile of dust and goo. It keeps him from seeing anything clearly.
He’s been a walking corpse for a long time, and it’s only getting worse.
I’ll take one of those Minis please. And I’ll pass on the scones, thanks.
They’re not bad with clotted cream and jam….
But yes, the Mini looks like the most desirable piece of this whole article.
The big question? No.
How does Elio define “make it“?