Really Obnoxious V8s: 1984 Porsche 928 vs 1987 Chrysler Conquest

Good morning! It’s our fourth and final day of this short week, and it’s Friday, which is usually when we get a little bit silly. And what’s sillier than small cars with loud V8s, especially when one of them didn’t originally come with one?

Yesterday’s trucks-in-kit-form left a lot of you questioning the prices. But as I’ve said before: I don’t price ’em, I just report ’em. And really, a good engine overhaul is a couple grand anyway, so these don’t seem too far out of line to me – especially the Ram 50, which includes the engine stands and hoists. I have a feeling that’s what put it over the top in the votes.

I think that’s the way I’d go, too; the extended cab is nice to have, but I’d rather have 4WD, and I fit fine in small single-cab trucks. I don’t know where I’d put the hoist and engine stands and stuff, though; my garage is jam-packed as it is. Maybe I could build another shed?

Moving on to today’s choices: Give a young guy a V8 car, and he’ll probably cut the muffler off it to make more noise. Give a young guy with some wrenching skills a car with no engine, and he’ll find a way to stick a V8 in it. Either way, his neighbors are going to hate him. But as we enter what is probably the twilight of the internal combustion engine, I can’t help but side with those who still love to hear that V8 pulse at idle, and listen to it roar when you open it up. I find myself winding out my own V8s on freeway on-ramps, not because I have to accelerate that quickly, but because I like to hear the sound. So what the hell; let’s make some V8 noises today, with one formerly-refined Porsche, and one imported classic that’s sure to annoy the purists among you.

1984 Porsche 928S – $4,995

Engine/drivetrain: 4.7-liter overhead cam V8, four-speed automatic, RWD

Location: Chula Vista, CA

Odometer reading: 151,000 miles

Operational status: Runs and drives well

The market for old air-cooled Porsches has, as we all know, gone absolutely insane in recent years. Even a rusty 914 will set you back more than it should these days. You’d expect that rising tide to lift all boats, but the front-engined water-cooled models are still pretty affordable – if you don’t mind them a little scruffy. 924s and 944s are easy to find, but a running and driving 928 for a cheap price is a little more special. This one is not exactly in good condition, but it’s not terrible either.

It’s hard to remember, with the numbers posted by modern supercars, but in its day, this was a legitimately fast car. Even the US version, with less power than the European edition, managed a 0-60 time of 6.6 seconds and a top speed of 143 miles an hour. Serious stuff, quicker and faster than even that private investigator’s little red car. This one has been modified a bit, but apart from a more free-flowing (and much louder) exhaust, the seller isn’t specific about the modifications. It runs and drives well, though it has been in storage for a couple of years, so there might be a few cobwebs to expel.

It always seems that the downfall of cheap Porsches is the interior, and that’s definitely the case here. The seats have been replaced, and are in fair shape, but the dash, door panels, and rear seats are toast. It’s probably prohibitively expensive to restore, but it also doesn’t matter a whole lot if you’re just looking for something to bomb around in.

Most of the outside is OK, but the left rear quarter panel has obviously seen some action. That’s old cracked Bondo if I’ve ever seen it. This 928 was clearly in an accident and repaired badly. Again, you can just leave it alone if all you want to do is zoom around making V8 noises.

1987 Chrysler Conquest TSi – $4,200

Engine/drivetrain: 350 cubic inch overhead valve V8, three-speed automatic, RWD

Location: Lake Zurich, IL

Odometer reading: 87,000 miles

Operational status: Starts, runs, and moves – but has no cooling system yet

Chrysler’s pony-car game in the 1980s was a little strange. While the Mustang, Camaro, and Firebird were all riding high, Chrysler had to make do with the K-car-based Daytona and Laser twins. They could hold their own performance-wise, but front-wheel-drive was a hard sell in that market. Chrysler offered a RWD choice, but it came in the form of a captive import: the Conquest, a re-badged Mitsubishi Starion, and even it lacked a V8, being instead powered by a turbocharged four-cylinder. Somewhere in the life of this particular Conquest, someone “remedied” that, and swapped in a small-block Chevy V8 – and, possibly even more blasphemous to those who love this car as it was – a three-speed automatic.

Chevy V8s have been the go-to for cheap horsepower ever since the 1950s. Today, it’s the modern LS-based engines that are favored, but whoever did this swap decided to go old-school, with a good old small-block with tube headers and a four-barrel carb sitting up high on a tall aluminum intake. Behind that is a Turbo-Hydramatic 350 automatic, beefed up for performance. It’s a rock-solid combination, as much as some might say it doesn’t belong here. The seller has a new aluminum radiator to keep it all cool, but it isn’t installed yet – obviously brackets don’t exist for this application, so some will have to be made. After that, it should be ready to go.

The Conquest’s cool 80s-futuristic interior appears to be intact, though, and not in terrible shape. The center console has been modified to accept a shifter for the automatic – and no surprise, it’s the same Hurst (or something) ratchet-style seen in so many modified Cutlasses and Monte Carlos over the years. But everything else looks all right. I don’t know how much of the original instrument panel works with the new engine, however.

It’s a little bit rusty around the rear wheels, but it’s straight. The nose and hood have been modified to fit the V8 and its larger radiator, and I can’t say I think much of the big cowl-induction lump on the hood or the side exhausts. American hot-rod cues like those on a Japanese performance car just look out of place.

Life is too short, as the saying goes, to drive boring cars, and whatever faults these two may have, you can’t say they’re boring. Planting your right foot firmly on the gas pedal of either one of these is bound to bring a smile to the most jaded face, even if just for a moment. So come on – live a little. Which one are you going to do a burnout in?

(Image credits: sellers)