After nearly a decade of radio silence and grand promises, the new Tesla Roadster is almost here. And my god, is it ever much, much weirder than imagined. For one, it looks completely different to the second-generation Roadster we saw roughly a decade ago. Think less Model 3 and more Lotus Esprit, with a wedgy silhouette and billionaire doors. There’s even a touch of Reventon to the general headlight shape, a bit of Diablo GTR to the front bumper, and a whiff of Testarossa to the haunches. However, what’s around back is even more interesting.
As shown in the absurd launch video, like the McMurtry Speirling the new Tesla Roadster is a fan car, capable of sucking itself down to the pavement even when parked, seemingly with enough force to hold it upside-down at a standstill. The fans work with an active rear wing to manipulate downforce on demand, with a low-drag configuration for high-speed running, a high-downforce configuration for track work, and settings in between. From Tesla:
Our multi-mode fan and ground sealing system acts as a downforce generator, pulling air out from beneath the vehicle. This provides enough suction to hold the vehicle upside down, even when stationary. Powered fans and active wings maximize traction and cornering speeds in all conditions, achieving massive downforce at zero speed. A next-gen steer-by-wire system offers incredible feedback in various road conditions. Activate Track Mode to lower the car and transform the suspension. High downforce or low drag modes can then be used as needed on the track.
The fans aren’t the party piece everyone will be talking about, though, and neither is the inboard suspension. The Roadster features a bevy of cold-gas thrusters aim to aid acceleration and, um, other stuff. The former, resulting in a claimed zero-to-60 mph time of 0.81 seconds. The latter, well…
On Tesla’s livestream, the marque showed the Roadster kickflipping over the entire Tesla range, including the Semi. No ramp, just vertical takeoff. Is that even legal? Actually, don’t answer that. Other stuff you need to know: A 230 MPH top speed, steer-by-wire, and targeted production in 2028. Still, zero-to-60 mph in 0.81 seconds alone would be insane. The quickest production cars on the planet right now take nearly a second longer. And flight? Flight? Really?
If this actually makes it to production as-is, it’s going to be bonkers. Elon Musk, wearing a T-shirt roughly two sizes too tight, just announced he wants to see it jump the Snake River Canyon. Tesla also claims to be targeting an eventual top speed of Mach 0.5, or about 383 MPH. Dozens more miles-per-hour than even the fastest existing machinery, and that’s even being generous and assuming the from-behind-the-balls measurement of a unidirectional run is used. There are plenty of reasons to be skeptical here. Skeptical of legislative approval, of the usefulness of the technology, of whether the Roadster will meet its lofty targets. It’s definitely warranted.
This isn’t the first time Tesla’s made grand promises, and a car with a vertical is perhaps the grandest yet. The marque’s light on information about how it’ll achieve its targets, how much it will cost, EPA range, and all that. But it can do a kickflip. Right. What we can say for now is that the first versions of the car will have the fan system, but will only have rockets at the back. Other axes of thrust allegedly come later, and are invitation-only.
In some ways, it’s like if Tesla took that Lamborghini bit from “Top Gear” literally. Invisible, lasers, can fly, etc. Of course the glass is tinted with copper. Of course Tesla claims the paint on the Roadster is optimized for space. Because that’s a real concern of most customers. Of course the seating position’s fixed like in a Ford GT, and of course it’s steer-by-wire like a Cybertruck. Come to think of it, steer-by-wire might be a benefit at high speeds, just slowing the ratio right down so the private equity guys who’ll buy these won’t immediately enter the nearest hedge backwards.
Even the concept of a rocket-assisted production car is very dumb. Sure, cold-gas thrusters don’t involve combustion and instead rely on pressurized inert gas to generate thrust, but is giving people the option to use them a brilliant idea? I mean, you’d draw some extraordinarily derisive gestures if you attempted to use them at the lights. Or in the McDonald’s drive-thru. And don’t get me started on thrusters beneath the car. That sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen, a real-life version of the vertical takedown from the “Burnout” franchise if used irresponsibly. Come to think of it, what would using it responsibly look like? Racetracks would generally frown upon it, airfields might not be happy, how many places in the world will give express permission to launch a Tesla Roadster straight up into the air?
However, one thing’s undeniable: This is one of the craziest things I’ve ever seen. It leaves the world with so many more questions than answers right now, and it’ll be fun seeing where some of those answers lead. Especially because what we all saw basically redlines the bullshitometer. What an absolutely unhinged thing. You can certainly accuse the new Tesla Roadster of a lot, but ‘being boring’ isn’t on the list. Either we’re looking at the next Veyron or the next piece of vaporware. Only one way to find out, right?
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Top graphic image: Tesla
Bit difficult to write about Elon’s whitewashed cars now, isn’t it?
Mach 3 air is neat. They were saying it was too loud to be in while the trusters are on. But I guess if it does it’s thing for the billionaire or multi millionaire who buys it whatever.
How fitting that the world’s biggest snake oil salesman wants to jump over the Snake River Canyon.
This is just not a serious car company anymore. I’m sure the stock will bump from this because logic has been purged from the markets.
Goddamn it. This thing could’ve been something kind of amazing, even despite Elon’s stench on it. Instead, it’s just even more nonsense and bullshit than usual.
Top fuel dragsters can hit 60 mph in 0.4-0.5 seconds. For this to do the deed in a claimed 0.81 is highly doubtable. The aerobatics? Good luck insuring that even if it somehow was deemed road legal.
I’m all for jumping cars over the snake river, wether it makes it or not it should be interesting.
I’m assuming no driver so nobody dies when it crashes into a cliff.
Just in and of itself, the reveal was amazing. Even if they never produce one for sale to the public, it’s a pretty wild and fun thing. Of course, just as having someone you really admire stick up for new product makes it more attractive, having a dickhead like Elon sticking up for it makes it far less attractive. He’s a lying sack of shit and I dearly hope he gets his comeuppance one of these days. Screw his “roadster” and screw him.
Fuck elon
Eew, no thank you.
Where do they get that gas? Is it a hybrid if you have to fill up? And wow, that’s another ugly car from that company.
This man just cut off starlink access for the Ukraine because in his words they’ve “gone too far” in how they dare defend themselves by blowing up Russian oil facilities. Buying into the narrative that they’re the cause of high diesel prices versus the bullshit in Iran.
I don’t care if it runs on magic pony farts . I’m done with everything this man owns or runs.
He didn’t though. I have my own grievances with Musk, but operational control of Star Shield– which is an operational entity distinct from Star Link – resides entirely within the US Department of War and Department of State. Musk wasn’t and can’t be involved in the decision. (Starshield description: SpaceX Starshield – Wikipedia ). And this is likewise not uncommon; DoW isn’t going to risk compromise of its assets via civilian vectors, so Musk isn’t empowered to really do anything with the Starshield network once it’s emplaced beyond what his contract with DoW permits.
There are lots of reasons to dislike Trump or Musk, but given you are presumably seeking to be knowledgeable on the technicalities on which you form your opinions, it would likely behoove you to understand them accurately.
https://www.reuters.com/investigations/musk-ordered-shutdown-starlink-satellite-service-ukraine-retook-territory-russia-2025-07-25/
Indeed! And Autopian you could stop using x/twitter, that would be a start.
It’s still the Department of Defense. Only Congress can change the name of the agency.
Educate yourself you clown https://www.businessinsider.com/shivon-zilis-elon-musk-relationship-update-post-2026-10
Huh? What the hell does that have to do with Starlink?
Elon has been appointed to fund his baby momma’s fun little AI drone project, but it’s cool because they broke up the week before and now FLYING CARS OMG DONT LOOK WHERE THE MONEY IS GOING
also let’s ignore your disinformation about the starlink, you clown
Upthread is a discussion on Ukraine and Starlink. Not anything about baby mamas or AI.
Like I said, everybody’s entitled to their hate, but please figure out how comment threading works.
It’s all war is it not?
Also, please do respond up thread to the link I posted, you clown
Can we ban this guy?
The car is a distraction from the drone contract https://shield.ai/shield-ai-welcomes-shivon-zilis-to-board-of-directors/
I am not a big fan of Elon or Tesla in general but I do appreciate the absolute insanity of this. Even as a cinematic reveal.
The likelihood of this being released with all the capabilities we’ve seen is about the same likelihood I have of making it to 500k miles without fail.
after all the years of teasing and excuses for delays the swastikoup looks terrible
Flight by this car will be legal in two states.
In Texas they’ll write laws explicitly to allow this behavior on all interstates.
And Ohio has no laws.
Ohio has 1 law
All this and somehow I’m still underwhelmed.
. . . whatever.
He seems more interested in out China-ing the Chinese automakers than making a real, usable vehicle. But then, Tesla hasn’t seemed interested in making a usable vehicle in a while.
Remember the Darwin Awards, and that urban myth about the guy who strapped a rocket to the roof of his Chevy and splattered himself on a cliff?
Elon’s going to to build the car. (Maybe.)
He really needs to change the name of his company to Acme.
Watched the reveal with my son.
We were both amazed and entertained. Awestruck, really. But 14 year olds are easily entertained and easily inspired.
They haven’t been jaded by years of whatever has poisoned the souls of the autopian commentariat. Joyless and sad you are.
I mean. I’m impressed you had a son at 14 years old. That’s starting real early.
That said, being sensible and not having a delighted meltdown when a compulsive liar gets on a stage to lie to you doesn’t mean you’re joyless. It means you have critical thinking and when you have mountains of evidence of a liar lying to you, you remember to think of that when the liar gets up to lie to you again, no matter how many people around you are awestruck by the sparkling of the sand they’ve stuck their heads in.
There’s no question I’m a grump around here, but you’d have to be pretty delusional to think anything Musk is selling vaguely resembles the truth. He’s got a solid decade of large scale, very public bullshittery to his name at this point, and his behavior before that had basically been proved out to be “accidentally doing a good thing once in a while” than “intentional and moral good.”
Seriously lol… Say whatever you want, the Elon hate is absolutely warranted, but we just saw something totally bonkers. Little rockets on a flying by car! Like we didn’t all daydream of something like that as kids.
We can acknowledge that it was really cool to see while still hating Elon, folks here don’t seem to realize that
Given his resources, if the release was actually that the roadster is a real live dragon (of course there’s cinema to prove its real) would you want to acknowledge that?
Frankly, I’m disappointed in The Autopian for pushing 3 stories about this.
The dude is gearing up to be the next Hitler let’s not cheer him on for this stunt until we can hold him to it.
I watched the videos of it flipping and was amazed at putting SpaceX controls into a car. That’s about it.
I’m all about manufacturers having fun with cars again and to stop being so serious, but this isn’t it. This is vaporware from a notorious grifter, liar and fascist. I feel for the engineers who had to work 24/7 to get this PR distraction ready.
Keep your head in the sand, maybe it’ll protect you
https://www.npr.org/2026/10/06/nx-s1-5991899/elon-musk-palmer-luckey-pentagon-drones-ai
https://shield.ai/shield-ai-welcomes-shivon-zilis-to-board-of-directors/
https://www.vanityfair.com/story/elon-musk-shivon-zilis-children-breakup?srsltid=AU7gw4U7K38rCCFMDRshCIplE1lOuUyBbbvscm2QW6NHYWDCNLz7p-as
2028? Isn’t that a full decade since the first announcement? A full decade in which they could’ve shoehorned a Model 3 battery pack and motors into a bought-in Miata glider with a KISS mindset and quietly shipped it with an announcement only when it’s in stock and available to purchase RIGHT NOW?
I am assuming every video of this car is generative AI until proven otherwise.
0-60 in 0.81 is physically…
3.4 Gs, which is enough to contribute to an aortic aneurysm in some people.
…and this would happen in about 45 feet. So like three parked cars and we’re up to highway speeds?
The thing about acceleration is you’re reducing your experience. That’s why I think cars in the 4-6 second range are kind of best. You want to experience the acceleration. Someone in this Tesla is going to have bad neck pain in less than one second. How memorable of an experience is 0.81 seconds?
It’s unlikely 3.4 G’s is dangerous from a health perspective. The G force would be applied in the direction humans are most resistant, front to back, and the duration is short.
The dangerous part is what’s outside of the car when you accelerate that quickly (crash).
Or behind the car so you don’t get blasted.
Still waiting for delivery of my own personal flame thrower.
I call shenanigans here.
Ketamine Dream or Snake Oil Sales Pitch?
Por que no los dos?
But I thought Tesla was a robotics company now? Or is it an automation company? Or is it an AI company?
0.81 0-60 is gonna put all those private equity bros in the ditch long before they manage any actually impressive speed. And even if it doesn’t quite make that number, the reality is the private equity bros who will buy into that kind of bullshit are the kind of people who will likely put it into the nearest ditch within days of delivery anyway. 0.81, 1.0, 1.5 whatever the actual number is, it will probably result in rich idiots leaving the pavement.
Sounds like a win to me.
Now that I think this car will go to private equity bros, I kind of like it a lot more.
The main thing the Roadster isn’t, is a roadster (noun: a car without a roof and with only two seats).
Everything else about this is a party trick for rich jerks… or more likely, flim-flam and puffery.
If it actually incorporates half these features, it will weigh five tons and suck to drive. So, also not like a roadster.
They will never make it. And if they do, it’ll sell even worse than the cyber dumpster.
Edit: I agree with your take 100%.
I’m glad I wasn’t the only one bothered by this.