Part of the problem of learning about all sorts of cars is that eventually, you end up with a list of cars you just forget existed, having shoved them in a memory hole long ago. The Buick Terraza, the Lexus HS250h, and the original Lincoln Aviator, for example. The Honda Element is, never one of those cars, for one very specific reason. Occasionally, as I’m falling asleep, it pops into my head again.
That. Damn. Crab.
Alright, back up about 19 whole-ass years to 2005. Honda has this box on wheels called the Element and it’s freaking great. I mean, it’s like the child of a CR-V and a Scion xB in all the best ways, you can fit a street bike in it, you can sleep in it, it’s got coach rear doors, it’s badass. It’s also something Honda’s trying to figure out how to market, because it hasn’t sold anything like this in North America before. Sure, there’s the CR-V itself, but that’s so mainstream by comparison. The Element wasn’t.
Sure, the Element had the same 2.4-liter four-cylinder engine as the CR-V, the same basic platform, and the same choice of front-wheel-drive or all-wheel-drive and manual or automatic transmissions. However, while the CR-V was made to appeal to just about everyone, the Element was made to —
Jesus Christ, that was a time, huh? Anyway, the Element was made to appeal to Generation Y, never mind that the oldest Gen Y-ers, at least according to the old definition of 1977 to 1994, were in their twenties by the year 2000s and probably weren’t the most profitable target market for a new crossover utility vehicle. You know, guys like this.
Wake up and smell the Axe deodorant. Anyway, Honda pieced together the sort of active lifestyle vehicle the nu-metal-listening, Bam Margera-worshipping crowd was allegedly pining for by the 2003 model year, and it was great. However, the traditional sort of marketing used for Accords and Civics wouldn’t fly with this crowd, which brings us back to that 2005 date I mentioned earlier, and Gil the Crab.
On just the opening frame, the immediate visual impression this commercial makes is one of extreme leanness. It’s sparse. Seemingly low-budget. It looks like it was made in Scratch and exported as a Flash video, if Scratch 1.0 had even existed at that time. MySpace-grade, even. There’s an Element, a crab named Gil, a palm tree, some speech bubbles, and an unforgettable voiceover.
It’s not the weirdness of a Honda Element asking a crab if it hangs out with surfers, or a sentient car telling the same crab that people change inside of it, it’s two words from a characterful crustacean that shotgun-blasted a hole in my psyche and forever altered my sense of humor.
“I pinch.”
Why is this funny? Gil’s a crab. Of course he pinches. That’s what crabs do. It shouldn’t be surprising that Gil seemingly doesn’t care about almost anything the Element says and instead just talks about pinching seven freaking times in the 30-second commercial. And yet, it’s funnier than just about any other car ad at the time. It’s funnier than the Element threatening to turn Gil into a succulent meal. Nearly 20 years later, it’s still burned into my memory, along with all of my childhood phone numbers and that poster of a 930 Turbo flatnose I had hanging above my bed. I remember it better than any fucking algebra I was ever taught. Oh, and did I mention that the ad mentions basically nothing about the Element itself? Maybe that’s why the only thing people remember is the crab.
It’s an incredibly weird ad, and yet it was successful enough to get picked up for a full run of characters. There’s a penguin and a lobster and a hamster and a pigeon and a partridge in a goddamn pear tree. However, none of them had quite the impact of Gil over here. This fucking guy, I swear to god.
So now, I’m done being the bigger person. If I’ve had this crab from a Honda Element commercial stuck in my head for the past 19 years, you’re gonna have it stuck in your head for the next 19 years. Say it with me now.
“I pinch.”
(Photo credits: Honda)
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You misspelled it. Gil the crab had a Spanish accent, and sounded something like ventriloquist Señor Wences: “I peench.”
As for its effect on me? For the entirety of my marriage, I have slipped up behind my wife from time to time, pinched her bottom, and said, “I peench.”
But yeah, this and the VW Golf “Da Da Da” commercial, co-starring “Smelly Curb Find Easy Chair” are the very best car commercials of the turn of the century.
As someone who never saw this as a kid, thanks for
spreadinginfectingsharing.“I pinch!”
YES! YESSSS. This is low-key one of the best car commercials just for being so absurd. It lives rent-free in my head, too.
I’m an old millennial about to hit 40. My wife is in her mid 30’s. I showed her this commercial years ago, and to this day we will still say “just a little ____” to random things in the crab’s voice. In fact I just did it myself last week.
Best commercial ever made? I could be convinced.
PHEV Element, Honda. Pretty please.
I was in my mid teens when this commercial dropped so of course it became part of my friends regular vocabulary. This and the Quiznos Subs commercials with the scary hamster thing screaming.
Where have all the Elements (at least in the Great Lakes region) gone? These things should run forever but they seem pretty scarce on the road. If my Saturn Vue is still alive (admittedly with a days worth of MIG welding repairs on the chassis) the Hondas should be all over the place?
there’s still quite a few in Colorado- i got my 2004 lx up to about 225K when constant maintenance and small repairs made it impractical for me personally, but i really loved that thing.
In the great lakes region? I’d assume they’ve all rusted out or have been lost to playing bumper cars in the winter