Remember yesterday, when I said I was starting a daily series where I would get an old computer to pick a random page in the 2005 book, The World’s Worst Cars, written by Craig Cheetham, and then I would do my best to redeem whatever car was being lambasted on that page? Well, I meant what I said, and here we are on the next day already, so it’s time for another Worst Car redemption. This is a project worth doing because this book, like so many of these books about what are allegedly the world’s worst cars, are really just lazy collections of what I believe are interesting cars. This daily redemption I believe will prove that to be true.
Now, as a reminder, the way this is done is by running a small BASIC random number generator program on a 1980s Commodore PET; it picks a number between 1 and 317, and I go to that page and see what car is on the page! Are we ready?
Okay, let’s run the program and see what we get:
The PET picks page 309! What’s on page 309?
A Suzuki X-90! Sure, the X-90 was a strange car in many ways, but worst? There’s no way this charming kook of a car belongs in a Worst Cars in the World book, so let’s redeem Suzuki’s happy little mutant.
Let’s be absolutely clear here: the Suzuki X-90 was a deeply, boldly weird concept. It was essentially a two-seat sporty car with a T-top roof so it could be an open-air car, something like a Honda Del Sol, mounted on a four-wheel drive (RWD was also available, but the Platonic ideal of the X-90 I think is the 4WD one) chassis, complete with a high ride height and ground clearance and a stiff, rugged suspension setup. It was an unlikely combination of concepts – sporty two-seater and smallish off-roader – and while it didn’t exactly resonate with a lot of people (only about 7,205 X-90s were sold between 1996 and 1998), it was definitely novel.
The X-90 absolutely had personality; it had proportions that almost felt cartoon-like, almost like a kid’s drawing of a car, which was the butt of jokes about the car, as Jeremy Clarkson milked in this old Top Gear segment:
Two things: that’s a cute little kiddo and no, I don’t think it’s “stupid looking.” I think it’s fun looking. It looks like a good, mildly silly time, and what’s wrong with that? And, sure, it’s small, but as far as room and practicality goes, it’s not really any worse than other smallish sports cars or off-roaders of the era. It has about as much room up front as a Jeep Wrangler, and holds more cargo than a Wrangler of the era, and holds that cargo in a way where it’s a lot less likely to get stolen. The X-90 has a usable little trunk, much more practical than the Wrangler’s open narrow storage well behind the back seat.
The X-90 had an interior that was a lot more car-like and refined compared to other small off-roaders of the era, including Suzuki’s own Samurai and Sidekick, and was comparable to small sporty cars of the time, your Del Sols and Toyota Paseos and Nissan Pulsars and whatnot. It also had upholstery available in the finest 1990s casio/movie-theater carpet patterns, which I unashamedly love, and that included the door card upholstery, as you can see:
The X-90 also has the distinction of having one of the strangest special editions: in Europe, the X-90 was sold as the Suzuki Vitara (the car the X-90 was based on) X-90 Philippe Cousteau Special Edition, named for the son of the famous oceanographic explorer Jaques Cousteau, who also continued in his father’s diving and filmmaking and exploratory exploits. Cousteau died in 1979, nearly 20 years before the X-90 came out, and I’m not really sure I fathom the connection here.
The Phillipe Cousteau edition did come with a font bull bar, fender flares, and running boards, among other things, so that’s fun, even if it’s all still a little baffling.
Thanks to the rugged suspension (MacPherson struts and coils up front, coils, wishbones, trailing links out back) ride was a bit stiffer and harsher than some of the small sporty cars you may be tempted to compare it with, but at least there was a reason: it could go off-road! And compared to other off-road focused cars, it was a good bit more civilized.
Sure, you’re probably not going to take it rock crawling, but it was capable of some basic off-roading, and, with the addition of bigger tires probably a number of other mods and a certain amount of healthy madness, people have managed to do a shocking amount of off-roading with these. Look!
That’s impressive! Now, the 1.6-liter inline-four made about 95 horsepower and wasn’t exactly a powerhouse, but it was decent enough, especially for the time (remember, a Honda Del Sol only made about 106 hp) and delivered reasonable fuel economy, in the mid-20s.
This was a car all about being unconventional and fun, the sort of thing that Suzuki’s marketing could only express via Pez dispensers:
Yes, it was a weird car, based on a weird idea, and appealing to weird people with weird demands for a car. But that hardly makes it the worst of anything. In fact, in a lot of ways, it makes it the best – as in, the X-90 had to be the best compact T-topped two-seater 4×4 with a trunk ever made.
I mean, Red Bull picked these to use as their promotional cars before they went to Minis! That has to mean something, right?
Picking the X-90 as a “worst” car is just small, crabbed thinking. That’s all it is. The car wasn’t a mainstream success, but that’s because it was a bold experiment that tried to do something new, tried to carve out a new, unheard-of niche, and while that niche didn’t really catch on, I think the car itself accomplished the task it set for itself quite well. The X-90 was what it was, and, in that extremely specific context, it was a success. They’re still cool today, and when you see one, I defy you not to smile, at least a little bit, because these things are just fun, rendered in metal and rubber.
Suzuki X-90, consider yourself redeemed. Owners of copies of The World’s Worst Cars, please tear out pages 308 – 309.
These things are cool. I wish they still made stuff like this.
I was stopped in my tracks when I first saw them – loved the design – but it took me 26 years to own one. It’s beaten its rust and is used often
I play a little game whenever I open articles here where I read the first paragraph without looking at who the author is, and try to guess who wrote the article. This couldn’t be a more Torch series if it tried. I love it and can’t wait to see the other redeeming stories.
Side note, I feel like I have paged through this book before and thought to myself, “there are a lot of cool ass cars in here. How are they considered to be some of the worst?”
I think this would have been cool with a squareish back like a Samurai hardtop. Don’t bother with pretensions of a back seat, but keep the t-tops, and have a roll down rear window and/or removable side windows.
Off road Miata
Wait, this book has 317 pages?! What the actual fuck?!
There’s no way Mr Cheetham found so many crap cars to write about.
As you can see he hasn’t!
I always thought these were kind of nifty…unfortunately, I’m too tall to fit in just about any Suzuki without literal pain.
What’s this guy’s other book, “100 Ways to Make Life Less Interesting”?
I would say I don’t understand, but I know a lot of people who are dismissive of anything that isn’t traditionally desirable based on cultural norms, and they would likely do nothing but disparage it. Those people also tend to have either zero imagination, or are tremendously repressed.
If something like the X-90 existed today, it would take an awful lot to keep me from buying one.
Jason, you gotta clarify if the car was split into an entry over pages 308-309. Cuz if there’s an unrefuted separate “worst car” on page 308 it shouldn’t be caught in the crossfire here!
Perhaps just way ahead of their time? Its about the same size as a modern side-by-side OHV, except it can also do road legal car stuff and is fun and unique. I appreciate people who don’t blend in. I also owned a Del Sol for an autocross car for a while, which might explain my feelings for the x90.
Imagine driving an X-90 and somehow managing to not find it delightfully entertaining. They’re hilarious, and unapologetically so.
That Cousteau ad makes me hear “Now is the time on Sprockets when we dance!”
At least it’s not telling you to touch his monkey…
“Go ahead! Touch my monkey.”
I had hoped that the Cousteau version would come equipped with a schnorkel 🙂
I’m tired and don’t have the energy to make this comment fun and sprucy, but I feel obliged to remind everyone these use Mazda Miata door mirrors.
Hell yeah! This is the kind of trivia that I want to keep in my head forever.
Holy hell, 4 infinity scroll ads on this article??? (Not sure if technical ad name where you have to scroll through the ad to see the next line of text. Please correct my nomenclature.)
RE: X-90, our resident USDA officer had a blue one in his fleet that he would drive on occasion. (He is/was an autopian based on the fleet of cars he’d choose from). I was shocked that it hadn’t been converted to a Red Bull hype-mobile given the era
Theres a company called calmini that makes a full lift kit and body lift for these
Just like the sidekick brethren, they’re really capable off road with the right tires.
Much like the kia sportage of yore, they’ll go where alot of stuff can’t.
A 2.0 suzuki swaps right in and gives a healthy bump in power and torque
Merely swinging by to say avoid Calmini in every way as a company, as you will likely not get what you paid for
They mustve taken quite a fall, as they used to be one of the big names to lift these cars up
This is true, and they do have very cool offerings. But the Isuzu crows knows to stay away from them. Perhaps they are back to being responsive?
Honestly hard to say, granted I don’t own one, while id love to, a 2dr with a v6 swap. There used to be a bunch of companies making parts for these back in the early millenia
That’s true. Still stuff out there for them, but you have to dig, and mine had its bottom end let go of the stock motor….and I didn’t want to invest in a whole new drivetrain. Shoulda kept it.
I have a coworker and neighbor who has one that he has lifted, built a plethora of custom components for, and even replaced the transfer case with a twin stick unit. He used to take it off-roading with his buddies in big, high HP side by sides, and make them all look pathetic… All while way more comfortable in A/C comfort. However, more and more trails are closing to any street legal vehicles, blaming them for accelerated trail wear (it couldn’t possibly be the 200+HP side by sides driven full throttle by morons…). So sadly, his sits on his shop most of the time.
The cutest of the cute utes!
When you finish can you make a list of the worst 371 cars according to Torch?
If birthrates continue falling, little high-riding runabouts like the x-90 will be among the most popular class of vehicle.
Wat
What a lazy and uninspired entry in the book. What are the qualifications for entry as a worst car? Because other than not being a massive sales success—which, given its oddity and limited use being only a 2-seater that isn’t a sports car—probably wasn’t expected (and other cars have also sold poorly), there is no reason for this to be here. These definitely weren’t for me and I didn’t know who they were meant for when they came out (apparently not many), but it had T-tops and I respected the risky move to try to create a new and obviously limited volume segment from a small company that was foundering here. Never heard of them being particularly unreliable or fragile (you know, hallmarks of truly bad cars, though TBF, I never knew anyone with one, still I tend to hear about vehicles that were particularly problematic) and I’m sure for the people who bought them, they were economical fun. This author is a dolt.
A lot of these sort of books are written by complete hacks who shouldn’t allowed within ten feet of a word processor.
It seems like these kinds of books have always been around in some form and I remember looking through some at book stores several . . . shit, decades ago only to snort derisively and return them to the shelf, but they were usually brief and this one is over 300 pages? I’m glad Torch is taking it to task as it deserves it. The author’s lucky it isn’t you tearing through it.
Neighbors a few blocks away had a red one. Would ride my bike past it 2 times a day at minimum in the summer. Always loved them, and generally do a bi-annual search for X-90, Vehicross, and other fun Suzukis and Isuzus.
Is this the world’s worse world’s worse car book?
Also in the UK, and Japan, Del Sols had 160bhp. Still not enough for me to forgive the extra weight and lack of seats and hatch compared to the mk 1 and mk 2 CRX. I loved those cars.
The X90 wasn’t a bad car. It wasn’t for me, but it’d do all the car based stuff you’d want a car to do.
It’s not like it had a heater that used the engine cooling fan to blow air from round the exhaust through cardboard tubes to the windscreen, resulting in:
a) no demisting at all unless you were going flat out
b) lots of engine fires started by the cardboard tubes falling on the exhaust.
That’s a feature from an actual bad car, the weirdly loveable 2CV.
The US Del Sol Si had the B-series DOHC VTEC 160 hp engine, but the base ones had a D-series SOHC 106 hp. A non car guy and completely mechanically inept friend had one for a few years as an “antidote” to the Delta 88 coupe he had (I loved that Delta) and I think he was sort of inspired by my 260Z. It was definitely no CRX and I think Honda made a big mistake by presenting it as such while, if it was looked at as a targa Civic 2-seater rather than a new generation of the CRX, it was a decent enough car to drive, if not for me. He loved it because, to him, it was a sports car. I just nodded when he’d say that stuff. He actually picked it over a Miata as the latter was “too girly” while “girls liked the Del Sol” (yeah, for themselves). Sometimes there’s just nothing you can say and you need to let them do what they’re going to do. To his credit, he didn’t know how to drive a manual until he went to buy it and he picked it up quickly.
A kid I went to high school with built a genuinely quick del sol back in ’02. It was about the only honda on the island that would actually give us a good run for our money. The rest of them were the idiot sailors that thought plexiglass hoods and literal coffee can exhaust tips would let their shitbox beat period raced muscle cars like my buddy’s polara or my brother’s gtx. My buick would have had it’s butt handed to it by my buddy’s del sol but the yellow civic hatch that vomited oil all over the underside of his plexiglass hood at intersections not so much.
The base one was a pretty light car, so I imagine it wouldn’t take much to get it to really move (plus those old Honda engines could take a lot of abuse for whatever someone wanted to do to them) and it felt faster than it was even with the lack of low end torque. My aunt had a Paseo, which Google tells me was several hundred pounds lighter with almost the same hp, but felt like a dog in comparison and she ended up only keeping it a few months, dumping it after she laughably couldn’t pull much away from my ’84 Subaru GL wagon on the highway while we were heading to some family thing.
Sure, but could you outrun an assassin’s henchmen through a mountainside olive grove in an X-90?!
Checkmate!!
(/s, you probably could)
If we keep tearing pages out, we won’t get to see what’s on the back side of those pages later on.
I suggest we instead scribble all over the pages with a marker, like a lunatic killer drawing on the newspaper clippings in his scrapbook.
With the imagination-free bent of this book, you have to wonder what Mr.Cheetham’s “best cars” book is full of; probably the usual exotic suspects of Lamborghini/Ferrari/Porsche etc…
All of which are objectively worse at being cars than this X90.